Can you offer me and my family some true heartfelt advice?

Question

My brother is 45 years old and he is a total bum. He sponged off of my grandfather for 10 years, until the man died. The whole time, my brother refused to work anywhere, which he still doesn't! He's NEVER held a job in his life so far! ok, you get the point there. He got a farm job in Maryland, which he got fired from for NOT WORKING, but while he was there, he meets this "woman (not)" that just got dumped from her boyfriend (smart man). So her and my brother hook up. Mind you, she's 46 years old, youngest child is 6 years old!!!! Altogther, she already had 8 kids, only 2 in her care, the rest are all scattered in foster homes all over, one is deceased. She is talking about having ANOTHER, only this time with my brother, who won't work. Well, it's been over a year now and she has not produced another (paise the lord), so we're hoping her "child bearing years" are well over. She has still been married to a man and the divorce is just about final, yeah, swell, right? My brother is nasty

to her kids and eats up the food stamps she gets for the kids! Now they're talking marriage! They even leave the kids home alone with just cereal and they go out and eat all of the time. They're both unfit. Our family doesn't want her in the family, bad enough we're stuck with him! what should we do about this?

My brother is such an azz. If her kids use to much milk according to what he thinks, he makes the kids sit at the table until they drink it out of they're cereal! She gets food stamps for these kids, she's a welfare bum. She can work but is to lazy, and so is he! He even dominates the kids and what they eat, when it's theirs to begin with! He hogs out on that the kids get every month while they go hungry! This whole mess isn't right, the kids doesn't deserve it and I feel very bad for them should they marry! He will be even worse! This woman is a total dumbazz, she wants whoever will have her and she knows our family has some money, that's the only reason she wants in so bad!

My brother and I haven't spoken sionce last October. He made a mistake by asking me what I thought about him and her.........well, I told him and he hung up. I refuse to call him when he was so childish to ask and then hung up on me. I disown him, but I live out of state so it's easy for me. The rest of my family lives near him and his sl ut.

I already have called Social Services and Child Protection Services, they go out and my brother and her lie and that's as far as it goes.

The kids she has with her doesn't belong to my brother. I still feel horrible for them, they are kids, not their faults. Her daughter is great and fun loving, I think the world of her to be honest about it. Nobody can choose they're parents. She got her daughter back this passed year, she was also in a foster home most of her life.Now the girl lives off of cereal and wears clothes to small and dirty. Also, this woman he's with dresses like you wouldn't believe. She showed up at a funeral for a family member of ours in a light pink tinkerbell looking skirt up to her whaZoo, obvious of no undies........everyone was astonished but said nothing to them, just ignored. I live in another state, so I cannot get close to the children involved and I stay away from home because of them. They DID something in front of my own kid the last time I visited home..........never again.

They both drink some but I'm not aware of any drugs....never know though becuase they BOTH are white trash, brother or not, that's how I feel. I cannot defend him because we're blood because he is just no good.

SugarBea doesn't understand the situation. Let me re phrase this to you dear......would you want this b itch in your family if there was a 8 million inheritance? No you wouldn't. it's ours. not hers and all she is along with him is embarrasement. If you had any MORALS dear, you'd understand this frustration. Do you collect welfare for 8 kids too? I asked for heartfelt advice, not your ignorance, SugarBea.

Answer 1

I understand what you are going through, because I have a rubbish for a brother as well! I wish there was some advice I couldn give you, but unfortunately, no one can tell you how to resolve this. I am sure that like me, there is still a part of you that loves your brother, no matter how much of a rubbish he is. I know that, even though I do not like mine, and never want to see him again, there is still a part of me that remembers him as a child, and loves THAT brother. My brother raped me, tried to kill me, sponged off everyone, whenever he could, and never held down a job for long. He also went around having illegitimate children, and left the women to take care of them. I threw him out of my home, and got an injunction against him years ago. I now only hear about him from some of his old friends. He is now 58, and although he has recently had a stroke, is still basically the same rubbish he always was. Unfortunately, some people just never want to change. As far as the inheritance goes, is there not perhaps a way that you can ensure that they do not inherit? It is a horrible situation for you and our family to be in, and I pray that you will find a way out of it.

Answer 2

Some part of the problem is there that only you could understand and yes you are right that you can answer anything about him, he being your brother. First of all, try answering these questions - Why doesn't he like to work?, What could have led to his becoming an immature lazy man (I am referring to his upbringing?

Actually, answering these questions will lead you to the root of the problem. This is an absolute must to uproot the problem. You can't say that one fine day he woke up to became such a person, there must have been some deep rooted problems and beliefs in his mind to make him that.

As far as his problem of not understanding that woman and her character is because he is very low in confidence and taking the steps to secure himself but it seems he is falling in the deeper pit in order to climb from the shallow one. On top of it, he has found a like partner.

Instead of pointing finger on him, go and show him the path of enlightment and tell him that you will support him, once you see positive changes in his behaviour and efforts.

See, you love him that is why you are worried about him, then why don't you go and show it to him. Take him to a psychiatrist to get his problem analysed. If he has an iorta of self respect in him, then he should change or at least start to change.

As far as the kids are concerned, hand them over to social security (if you can).

Once your bro's confidence returns, he should be able to see what is good or what is bad for him.

If he still doesn't change, then make your family throw himout to give him a feel of the real world and why can't your family do that. If he has a share in the property then your family will be better off without his share and his presence then the opposite case.

Answer 3

Sometimes you have to admit that there isn't anything you can do to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. The only people I would have any sympathy for in this situation is the kids that she still has with her. This may be a case where child services should be called when they are left by themselves so that they are at least away from an uncaring mother. Once the children are safe, it may be time for you and your family to simply cut ties with this deadbeat.

Answer 4

I call 'em like I see 'em, ok? Disown the guy. He is no use to anyone. Even if he gets away from this woman there will be someone else to put you through hell. Make him stay away and that includes Christmas. Your home will be overrun with hooligans and n'er-do-wells. Do not stand on pretense with this "brother", nor should the rest of the family. There is nothing to gain by pretending he is something he's not!

Answer 5

Tough call. We have an uncle in our family that always rushed to my parents, aunts & uncles whenever he was in trouble, needed money, needed bail, etc. You want to help but at the same time want them to shape up. My parents, aunts & uncles basically told him that they were cutting everything off to him till he shaped up. This may not be the same situation but maybe have a sit down with your brother and tell him flat out what he has done in his life which is nothing. He may not want to hear it and probably deny that he has done nothing, but as they say, the truth hurts. Maybe if he hears it from family it might sink in. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 6

Let's bring DCFS in first. These children should not have to go through this. It was proven she was an unfit mother already so her kids shouldn't be in her care. As far as your brother, unfortunately you can't help someone that refuses to be helped. I'm kind of curious, are alcohol or drugs present? Is your brother or his future wife involved with drugs or stuff of that sort? Seems like you have done your part and its time for him grow up. He's an adult and far from your responsibilty. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I would call CPS for starters for the kids sake. But as far as separating them, I don't know what to do about that because I have the same problem with my son and his girlfriend. Neither of them work and he should be paying child support on his two kids from two different women. I hope they don't bring a baby into the world!!

Answer 8

Your brother and his woman have made thier bed...now they must sleep in it...the kids however are a different story. If you feel they are being neglected or abused or if they have no food to eat, please report them to the proper authorities. The kids didn't ask to be in this situation & shouldn't be hurt because they have idiots for caretakers....they need someone to care for them not only with food but with love and nurturing and guidance. Good luck!

Answer 9

It's sad when a family member is like that. But the dude is 45! Let him live the crappy life that he wants to. If he wants to marry the "breeder", then let him dig his own hell. There is NOTHING you and the rest of your family can do except leave him be, and don't be an enabler.

Answer 10

Let your brother Go.

You really love him don't you? If you didn't, Then you wouldn't make it bother you so much.

If he's does have a child, all I can tell you is too be the child's favorite aunt. Spoil him/her as much as you can. Only help THE CHILD, if needed. Refuse to help them in anything that doesn't have too do with the child.

If they don't have a child. Then love your brother, but let him go.