I know it was one girl and I know the reasons why he did it, but how do I get over the past? We have a 2 year old together. He has done EVERYTHING I have asked of him and it's not fair to him for me to keep dwelling on the past and keep asking the same questions 15 times over!!! He has tattooed my name on his ring finger and has only gone to work during the day. He left the band he was in and got rid of old cell phone he had to prove to me that I am the one he wants. Why is it soooooo hard to get over the past and live for today? Help me please?!!
2007-05-04 04:59:43 · 11 answers · asked by PNJ T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's very hard because you feel you have been betrayed, and you can forgive him(obviously you have) but you can never forget, have you tried counseling? or maybe going to church together? something spiritual? it can help, but if you are like me....than I dont think you can never let go, the reason why is I give my everything when I am in love, I give my trust and respect but once that has been jeopardized things never come back to normal. Good Luck, I really hope you find some type of guidance to deal with the past, because I know how hard it can be. Sometimes it helps to look at the positive things in him, and most importantly you have a child together!
2007-05-04 05:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by just curious 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It will take some time to get over that kind of betrayal, some people can't so they leave. If you want to make it work, you will just have to try biting your tounge, when you see he is doing right by you. The more you bring it up, the more you are making yourself crazy. Try not saying anything about it tomorrow. Then, go from there.
2007-05-04 12:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a friend who is going through the exact same thing as we speak, her husband's affair was in 05. He's done everything he can to show her he's sorry etc...and it hasn't been good enough. Emotionally she's stuck and we've all recommended counseling and she refuses. I can't talk to her anymore because she just wants to complain and won't do anything about it. In your situation, i would advise counseling. It doesn't make you weak or anything, but if you want to get over this , that would be the first step to take. It's not about you and him anymore, this is about you and how you are handling it....Good luck!!
2007-05-04 12:30:18 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well lets see. If someone murdered your mother, would you feel that you were the one who had the problem because you couldn't forgive him? This man has a child with you and is supposed to love you, yet he decided one day that it would be big fun to go ruin everything you had together and sleep with someone new and exciting. He took something very beautiful and valuable -- YOUR TRUST -- and dashed it in a million pieces. He owes you more than a tattoo and a cell phone. He owes you a lot of time and a lot of love and reassurance and proof. You have every right to feel insecure and little by little, he will prove himself and you will feel better. You aren't the one who needs help, you're feeling very normal feelings.
2007-05-04 12:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by Aiden 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Because you know deep inside that you were fooled and lied to buy this person before and you fear it could happen again. If you want it to work, you have to put that fear aside and make yourself 100% vulnerable to him again. The question is, do you trust him completely and are you willing to give him that power to hurt you again. I am not saying he will hurt you again, but in order to get past this, you have to be willing to give him that power again. If you can't, tell him and then the two of you can decide if it is worth staying for.
2007-05-04 12:08:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that is hard. Some people never get over it, but if you want to make it work, you have to do some soul searching! You have to be able to trust him again, and that will take time. Give yourself time, but try not to keep bringing it up with him, he feels bad enough already!
2007-05-04 12:04:31 · answer #6 · answered by vega_five 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're acting like a spoiled brat. Either you forgive this man, or you don't. If you don't, let him go so he can find happiness. If you do forgive him, stop making him feel guilty and move on!
2007-05-04 12:10:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
go to some counselling they will teach you how to move forward or you could by one of those books "after the affair" that may help
2007-05-04 12:09:32 · answer #8 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time is the only way.
2007-05-04 12:08:25 · answer #9 · answered by Leigh 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like you two should be on Jerry Springer. Or maybe Maury Povich to see if he is really the 'baby daddy.'
2007-05-04 12:04:48 · answer #10 · answered by Hugh Jardon 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋