I'll try to be brief. I got a call from his HR dept at work asking me if I knew where he was, if he was sick etc.. Apparently he hasn't shown up for work since Monday and will be fired. I'm so upset, I know he hates his job so much (sales) b/c he has to follow up on alot of paperwork and has to meet a quota but he also know we desperately need his extra income. He would get up and get dressed like he was going to work fooling me. I'm hurt b/c all this aside he's a great dad and seemingly good husband. When I told him about the HR call he said it was a mixup with regard to voice mail and he spoke to his boss (whom I spoke to today and said this was a lie and she hasn't heard from his since last week). That part tore me up, I hate him so much for doing this to me and our kids. My eyes are blinded with our years together so any outside help would be appreciated. Is this the end?
2007-05-04 04:57:36 · 33 answers · asked by Angie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all he should not have lied to you but whats done is done. I believe he did it because he did not want you to worry and he has probably been going out looking for another job and anticipated getting another job before you found out he got fired or quit the current job. It obviously did not work out that way. Second, the HR Dept and the manager had no right disclosing that information about him to you despite the fact that you are his spouse. That is his job not yours so anything that they needed to disclose to him should have been to him and not you (I have worked in HR for over 11 yrs). All is not lost. If he is as good of a guy as you said he is then his lie was never meant to hurt you. I am not justifying his behavior I am just telling you how I think he may feel. Men hold the weight of the world on their shoulders when it comes to working and taking care of their families and its not easy especially if you hate your job. Please take the emotion out of this and try to communicate with him in a logical and rational way. Stick to the facts and work through this together. You might want to start by saying something like, "Honey I know you are not working at your current job anymore. Whatever you told me about it is now irrelevant. We need to develop a plan to earn some additional income. Do you have any ideas?"
2007-05-04 05:10:57 · answer #1 · answered by soulsearcherofthetruth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he doesn't apprieciate you. You need to discuss this with him and let him know how you feel when he lies to you, that it tears your heart up. Screaming or yelling wouldn't solve anything. You need to let him know how DISAPOINTED you are with him. If you left for a while or for a break (think get-a-way) he would see how much he underapprieciates you.
As far as the work thing, it does help to find a job he's interested in. Talk to him saying that you know he didn't talk to his boss and you know the truth! Tell him to just stop lying to you and be real for a second. Tell him that the extra income is important to your family (use "our" family) and that if he hated his job that much he should have looked for and got hired at another job FIRST before getting fired at the other one.
Until he pulls it together, keep him in the dog house. That means give him sort of a silent treatment, show how depressed you are, no special dinner (remember you have to save untill he gets another job), you can even decide not to give him sex. He will feel so bad he wont ever do this again!
2007-05-04 05:12:43 · answer #2 · answered by melissarbrsn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MEN! Well if you can manage it try to be supportive, and hopefully the whole truth will come out. At this point I would be more concerned about where he has been going than about the financial aspect. The more fuss you make about it the more withdrawn he will become and then good luck in getting any answers. As far as his job goes if it was making him that miserable why would you even want him to continue on instead of encouraging him to find another job while he still had that one? You two really need better communication. I hope it works out for you. BTW WHATEVER you do... do NOT call him a lire, or make any accusations until you hear him out.
2007-05-04 05:12:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he hates this job. Maybe you told him to hang in there because of the money and he doesn't want to tell you to avoid any nagging. He might be trying to find a solution. Give him time and don't crowd him. Trust that he'll do the right thing and be supportive. You know him best. If this is the first time it's happened and you've always trusted him and know his character, then you should not see red right away. Maybe there's just too much pressure on him. Go back to basics, have a romantic evening without any talk of business or money. Believe me, I know how hard it can be. Sometimes though we lose ourselves in the kids, the duties, chores, problems and forget to show appreciation to the ones we love.
2007-05-04 05:04:46 · answer #4 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu said youself he was a good father and husband, now you suddenly HATE him for doing ths to you??
I am not trying to defend the guy for lying or misunderstanding. I used to do 2 jobs to make extra money when I first got married. I did NOT hate the 2nd job. But holding 2 jobs is hard on the body, makes it much worse if there is a lot of stress and you don't want to do that job. He might be looking for something else and not want to tell you, very common of men, especially if he knew the kind of reactions you are exhibiting.
You are indeed taking him for granted. He is suddenly a bad guy because he jeopardize the income that is important to YOU.
2007-05-04 05:10:37 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage succeeds when each is working towards the goals of the partnership. Your husband is ignoring this.
He is to blame, but don't forget tha it's a very difficult thing for a man to admit that he can't handle his responsibilities.
If you love him, you will sit him down, and without arguments or recriminations, tell him what you know and work with him on a new plan. Clearly, he needs a new job. They are out there (unless you live in France).
Make a plan together for your marriage. It should include him accepting responsibility for his actions, and you forgiving him. It should include a new job for him, and you being supportive while he finds it. It should include a promise of honesty in the future.
Wishing you the best of luck!
2007-05-04 05:07:28 · answer #6 · answered by JJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he gets up like he is going to work tomorrow or Monday, just be ready to follow him and see where he goes and if you can not do that because of the kids or whatever, have a very close and trusted friend follow him and see where he goes. Some guys in his situation just go to a bar all day long, some guys are seeing someone else and you just do not know. He obviously is lying to you about going to work and it will be hard for him to keep that lie up when payday comes along, but you do not have to listen to more of the lies, follow him and see where he is going and then you can walk right in and confront him where he is and ask him what the hell is going on. Just make sure you are ready for the answer.
2007-05-04 05:03:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just trust that he has a plan. Just trust him for now. It is not the end of the world if he loses his job. Just express to him that you are not happy with him lying to you about it. There might be something else going on like he could be seeing someone else or maybe into drugs. But he's your husband so you need to trust him until things are clearer to you. Maybe give it a few more weeks for things to become more clear. Talk to him and communicate with him. If he hated his job, maybe this is a good move for him.
2007-05-04 05:02:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
gurl! u need to tell him how this is making u feel. if u guys have had a long relationship then he should understand. i no u may be hurt but dont let this stop u guys from the years to come. If he is not cheating and it is something else he should just straight up tell u. I think a talk between the 2 of u should help settle things out. and if that doesnt work then u should just tell hiim that if u dont work this out then not only will u guys be affected but ur children too!!!! if u need anymore help just email me at
shinedown_11@yahoo.com
2007-05-04 05:04:44 · answer #9 · answered by Kalyn Loveless 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds stressed, and I'd question his boss a bit further.
As well as perhaps some other employees. Something doesnt sound quite right here. You need all the details before believing anything at this point. Find out the truth from any and ALL parties!
2007-05-04 05:06:23 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋