I have been with my husband for almost 4 years. Our relationship thas been very, very rocky. He has been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. I have left him, twice already. The first time, was because, he pulled my hair and I got really angry and we got into a wrestling fight and he caused me bruises all over my body. I put him in jail and we were separated for about 1 month and 1/2.
After he got out of jail, he started going to anger management classes and he promissed me we would do marriage counseling. When he convinced me he had changed I moved back with him and he stopped the marriage counseling, but he did do anger management for 1 year. He was good for about 7 months and then (with no physical abuse, but still verbal and emotional) until 1 day he became very angry and started insulting me and making derrogatory remarks (he even spit my face) and I left him agai. We were separated for three months, in which time were were still talking and seeing eachother,I was still giving him another change to show me that he would change, well through those three months he convinced me again, that he would change, and again, like an idiot I believed him and this time, we moved states; we used to live in California and we moved to Arkansas, mostly because my family doesn’t like him at all and I would get kicked out of any family event if I took him with me. They told me as long as I am with him they want nothing to do with me. Well we left to give each other the opportunity to be by our self’s away from all the people that have wanted to separate us since we began dating. Anyhow we have lived in Arkansas for 8 months, he hasn’t been physically abuse towards me again, but he is verbally abusive still when he gets mad. He gets angry at everything, and he physically abuses of his pets. He has fighting cocks, which he concentrates on breading them. Well yesterday he got so angry that a chicken who had 9 baby chicks wouldn’t go inside the chicken coop that he killed her and ripped her head off; he was beating up all of the animals; he broke another rooster’s leg, another one is blind from 1 eye and he has killed so many, he was screaming so loud that you could hear his voice throughout the entire neighborhood. It’s like looking at a psycho, he screams so loud that it gives me goose bumps just to think about his angry voice. I have been depressed for almost 3 years know. I started to smoke marijuana, because it’s the only thing that calms me down, relaxes me and helps me forget about the way he acts, it helps me forget about my problems, but I know it’s not the solution. I don’t know what to do, I am so depressed, and I feel so alone. We are also, about to buy a house, but I just want to run away, sometimes I wish he would just vanish into thin air (don’t get me wrong, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him) but I wish he would just disappear out of my life. But I feel guilty to leave him. I really wanted to make this marriage work because of how I was raised, but I don’t know what to do anymore.
2007-05-04 04:37:27 · 20 answers · asked by spaced 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Women---- Leave him for good. There are many many fish in the pond and ---just get out and quit the grasping for hope for a good man because he AINT. " get out" and allow your family to be a help.
2007-05-04 04:44:24 · answer #1 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make him change or to help him. He has to want to help himself. From what you describe he has way too much rage inside him and he's dangerous to be around.
Regardless of whether the abuse is verbal, emotional or physical it's still abuse. You describe yourself as being depressed. It sounds like you're lucky to still be alive. So far he's taking his rage out on innocent animals (which by the way is against the law and could put him in jail again) but when will he snap and rip your head off?
Your family has disowned you because you stay with him. I imagine their reasoning is that they know how dangerous he is and they were hoping you'd choose them over him for your own safety. They probably watch the news every day expecting to see you in it. For your own saftey you need to leave this man.
He tried anger management for a short period of time and then convinced you he had changed. It takes a lot longer than a few months to change in any case. In a case of such extreme rage, it will probably take a few years if he really works at it.
How would he react if you told him you were leaving him again? If you feel you'd be in danger, I would strongly suggest you leave him first, not let him know where you are and then (if you feel this way) tell him the only way you'll come back to him is if you have a letter from his therapist saying he's overcome his problems. He's show you that his evaluation of his condition is not terribly accurate.
You've shown him so far that all he has to do is go through the motions for a little while then come up with a convincing story about how he's changed in order to get you back again. You have to stand up for yourself, know that you deserve so much better than what you're getting from this man and take some action to improve your life.
Don't wait for him to disappear. Disappear yourself. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn't make him this way and regardless of your marriage vows, he took the same vows. You can only make a marriage work if both of you are invested in making it work. So far he's shown little interest in holding up his part of the bargain. I understand the guilt feelings. I went through similar feelings when I was deciding to leave my husband. But you have to do what's best for you. Leaving takes courage and staying away takes more courage. You've given this relationship all you've got. Now it's time to give yourself that same love and attention.
The LAST thing you want to do is buy a house with this man. That would only lock you into a future full of abuse and financial disaster. Take care of you. Call your family and ask them if you can come home. They'll welcome you with open arms.
2007-05-04 05:07:25 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes making the marriage work because of your morals and values and even the fact that you don't want the label: divorced is what makes us women stay with these types sometimes. This is because we remember the reasons we fell in love. We are human and we sometimes want to bring that "good guy" back to us, when in reality, we never really knew him to begin with. I know you love him and you feel like you need him or are obligated to help him. And reading this I can tell that you prob almost feel guilty about putting him behind bars even though it was for the best. But when it comes to ripping a chicken's head off, something's got to give!
2007-05-04 04:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by Virgo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who would raise you to feel guilty for leaving someone who might kill you one day? You have to get out of that situation, your life might very well depend on it. You've already chosen to fall into depression over all of this and there is only one question you have to ask yourself now. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life worrying about the day that I look like a stupid chicken to him that won't follow his orders? People who kill animals without a second thought cannot be trusted with people either. May God give you the strength to run as fast and far away from that man as you can get! Good luck.
2007-05-06 17:35:23 · answer #4 · answered by nicholsuzanne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married to a little boy,not a man. He is also very sick. A man never raises his voice to his wife let alone his hand. A man never abuses any living creature. Having fighting birds or animals is another sure sign of being a child.
Leave today. Why have you waited? A good idea would be to show him all of the answers posted.
2007-05-04 06:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get the hell out of Dodge.............He probably has a chemical imbalance but that is not your fault. He will convince you that he loves you with all of his heart, that you are the only one, that he is "just frustrated" and how many times can you apologize for the SAME THING? He will never change. God doesn't want us to live like that. Unhappy and afraid. First you should capture some of his anger on film, then file a restraining order against him. He's too violent and YOU will die if you don't leave! Trust me! Stop letting him brain wash you! GET OUT NOW! There are good men who will love you. Pick up your self esteem and hit the road.
2007-05-04 04:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
My husband has anger problems and I am tired of dealing with him, what should I do.?
I have been with my husband for almost 4 years. Our relationship thas been very, very rocky. He has been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. I have left him, twice already. The first time, was because, he pulled my hair and I got really angry and we got into a wrestling fight...
2015-08-23 05:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by Lazarus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wheww, how long will it take for you to realize that this man has serious issues? If you continue staying with this man, you may be the next one he kills.
Get up the courage to leave and stay gone, if you value your life.
As you can tell by his pattern of the domestic violence, he will not change and you cannot change him. Realize that YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM. No matter how much you love this man, love does not take away the pain of his abusing you. Go back to California as fast as you can.
Right now, your self-esteem is so low. He has you in a grip hold of fear and he knows how to push your buttons. Honey, it is time that you release the hold that he has over you and get yourself out of this situation before it is too late.
From your inquiry, this man is dangerous and for you not to see this, he has your mentally trapped. Get out.
If I never say anything worth meaning to anyone on this panel, I'll say this to you today...GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN TODAY!!!!
2007-05-04 04:48:30 · answer #8 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey men say they will change but they never do...
I have been through this befor as well, my ex he was more physically abusive then anything he has broken my nose, broken 4 ribs, dislocated my shoulder 3 times, very deep bruising, broken my tail bone ect he was a very angry man who could not control his anger dispite anger managment, nothing worked...I mean i wouldn't be doing anything and the littlest thing would set him off whether it was something i did or not he would always take it out on me..
I use to babysit....He got soo angry one time he threw the baby on the floor(( the baby was only 7 months))...he lit my cats tail on fire ect..
I too tried breaking up with him several times but he always said he would change and like a dumbass i believed him and went back to him and things would get better for a while then gradually started getting worse....
I broke up with him over 5 times in the matter of 3 years until one night he came home drunk as hell and got very mad because i was asleep when he got home. I mind you i was 5 1/2 months pregnant at the time and he started kicking me in the stomach, punching me, hitting me over the head with a bat.... anything and everything..I was knocked unconscious mean while he was still going off on me and our neighbor heard him and ran inside our apartment and grabbed him, pulled him off of me and restrained him until the cops came....He was sentenced to 10 years in prison with possibility of parole...
I was stupid to stay and your stupid if you stay, one day he may just freak out and you end up in the hospital or even dead(( you never know what they can do when anger takes over))..
If that man never came in when he did i would probably be dead....
Do not sit and wait to see if things get better, it's not worth it..
Move on and find someone who will treat you right..After 3 years i found a wonderful man and still happily married and you could do the same..
If you choose to stay with this idiot and see if he will stop then i wish you the best of luck
2007-05-04 05:03:59 · answer #9 · answered by Kasja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you've gone through hell and back. All I have to say is, you should have more respect for yourself. You shouldn't let anyone treat you with no respect. Are you serious about your roosters?! Damn! It is beyond me how you're able to stomach this kind of environment.
You shouldn't feel guilty about leaving the relationship. Be strong, you managed to live your life before you got married to him and I'm pretty sure you'll do just fine when you leave him. Its that simple really. No more reasoning, simple as that.
P.S. Stop smokin' the joint
2007-05-04 05:00:53 · answer #10 · answered by Elijah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out and stay out. I lived this only much worse because I tried to work it out and I also ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks in Intensive Care because he almost killed me.
HE HAS SEVERE ANGER ISSUES..... you can not change it he needs help and lots of it .... this is something that takes a long time to finally start working to treatment and that is only if he is really willing but does not sound like he is.
You need to leave and never look back before your life depends on it.
2007-05-04 04:46:19 · answer #11 · answered by harleychickfatboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋