My husband and I are currently living apart. It was my idea that we separate for a while due to the fact I found out he is cheating. He says he has not had sex with this woman he has been dealing with for the past 2 months. He constanly keeps saying I have been cheating as well. We have not been happy for some time. I also discovered he keeps porn and condoms in his car. He would not even told me about his cheating if I had not told him I found out. We have three children together. I do not want to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children but he is willing to do that instead of working on our marriage. I just can't stomach the thought of settling. Help!!
2007-05-04 04:24:17 · 39 answers · asked by Chiquita M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hell nah girl! Get out of that. You are his wife not a slave to his sex drive! When guys cheat they try to blame you to make themselves not give up any info! You deserve better. There is another man that will take care of your children and you and make you happy, not just themselves!
2007-05-04 04:30:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He may not have had sex with the other woman, but if he had pornographic material and protection in his car he atleast had a plan to do so.
Once someone cheats I personally don't think they can ever be trusted again. There is always a lingering thought that'll ask, "Is he at work late because he's got a deadline or is he out with some tramp?" or "Is he at a business dinner or a bar trying to pick a girl up?"
His complete lack of respect for you and your children should guide you in making your decision. Do not stay in an unhappy relationship for your children. They shouldn't learn that an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship is something that is acceptable. If they do, there is a good chance they'll follow your lead as an adult.
2007-05-04 04:36:44 · answer #2 · answered by 10-96 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him to go with you to counceling due to the fact that children are involved. Im only 20 and have no kids but from what ive seen with family members a woman uses the kids as an excuse because they dont see that by staying they will hurt the kids its a selfish way to think to stay with a man you love and taking his psychological abuse because him cheating will always haunt you and even if you get over it it wont go away some how some way it will always come back.
The kids need to understand that mom and dad are going through some issues and that if they stay together everyone will get hurt.
But going to councelling might help you hey you may get over it and live happy with him. But if you have a divorce still there will be counceling so why not try to fix it before giving up..
And if you found condoms in his car and hes been involved with a woman for 2 months yes he cheated you guys are married so why would he need a condom.
2007-05-04 04:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's one thing that a woman has and that's intuition.
If he has condoms in his car and porn, then you know for yourself that he's having sex with the other woman.
A man will deny his flings as long as he isn't caught red handed and sometimes even then, he'll deny it up until the end.
With that said, you have to consider yourself and what type of marriage you want. If you want to stay in this marriage, its going to take a lot of hard work to regain the trust and not think about the affair.
If the two of you have not been happy for a long time, then it may be best that you stay apart. Don't rush getting back together, take it one day at a time. If he's sincere about wanting to stay married then he should consider what he expects from a loveless marriage.
2007-05-04 04:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Couples that have separated can also take care of their children.
You really should not stay in that marriage if you are unhappy. And how dares he back him self up by saying you also have been cheating?
I am tellin you all this because I am diverced. My husban was cheating on me and was sorry for what he done but I could not live with him anymore, with the fact in my head that he was with some one else talk it over with him and work out what you want to do now. No shouting No fifhting JUST grown up talk.
2007-05-04 04:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by kmilejska 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your question in your last comment. Why condemn yourself to continuing a marriage that you can't tolerate? Divorce is not easy but it can be a good move. I did it and I am glad I did. There is no easy answer for the children. They will feel the tension and unhappiness if you stay together and will have some upset if you divorce. That can't be avoided. The way you and your ex handle explanations to them is most important. Be sure you get a good attorney. A women's standard of living often decreases when she gets a divorce. A good attorney can make all the difference.
2007-05-04 04:44:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the last thing that you should so when you find out that your husband is cheating it's separate, I understand that it would be very hard to stay with that person so I don’t think that you were being stupid or anything, you have every reason to be hurt and mad. the problem I see with separation after finding out that he was cheating is that now he was more freedom and a better chance to continue to cheat, so if you really want to give it a try, which I think you really should for your children’s sake is move back in with him even if you sleep in separate rooms and try and REALLY communicate, go back and think of the GOOD times and the things that you both enjoy doing together and do it again, I know it's hard when you have children but in this case I think it is very reasonable for you to get a babysitter and spend some alone time just you and him and when you are together don’t talk about the children OR the cheating try and be how you guys were when you were dating bring that feeling back, it is never too late, I know it will NOT be easy at all but it will be worth it, but you have to give it a try your children will really thank you for that. but if for any reason things DON"T work out NEVER even talk bad about him to your children the divorce alone is painful for them the last thing they need is for their parents to hate each other, don’t try and turn your kids against him even if he deserved it, him being a father to your children is a separate thing from being a husband to you and your kids need to at least feel like they have a good father and it will be their own decision on weather or not they should like or dislike their father and you should not incurrage any of it. I hope you understand what I mean.
my husband parents divorced when he was 17 and it was hard for him he is now 24 and his parent don’t get along even though they told him that they would be friend when they divorced, he cries at time. divorce is a very difficult thing for children so keep that in mind and try HARD to make it work. it's won't be easy but sometimes we just have to put our pain and our pride a side and hope for the best and BE THE BETTER PERSON don’t wait for him to make it better, that may not happen even though he should, you need to be the bigger person and step up.
GOOD LUCK and always keep your head up....for you and for your kids.
try counseling if at all possible. email me if you need to talk we can IM.
2007-05-04 04:51:55 · answer #7 · answered by lisvad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your stomach is right, dont settle. The reason he is willing to live in a miserable realtionship is because misery loves company and he does not want to pay child support. I say kick his as* to the curb. You and your children will be happier, I have no doubt. The latter part of my teenage years i grew up in a household like that believe me I was always hoping that my parents would just seperate. Not only that, he is not having sex with her? Then what is the point of cheating - to have a friend - get real.
2007-05-04 04:32:46 · answer #8 · answered by holykrikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Giving him an ultimatum to settle down and stop his cheating may work, but I doubt it. He kinda sounds like the kind that would only resent it. But it may be worth the try, since you already realize he has little regard for the sake of the children in the sanctity of marriage. Sounds like you have the real problem in insuring he doesn't do it anymore if you do take that chance on him.
2007-05-04 04:33:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't settle. You don't need that. You can obviously live without him - so do that. Give yourself a chance to be happy. The kids aren't going to be better off seeing two people who are supposed to be married and setting a poor example. Give your kids a chance. If he's cheating and your cheating - then stop fooling yourselves, separate and move on with your life. Just be kind to each other in front of your children and don't bad mouth each other to the kids, that's just so messed up.
2007-05-04 04:30:18 · answer #10 · answered by kelly-il 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices. Either try to resolve whatever is wrong with your marriage. That will require a strong desire from both of you. OR consult with a good divorce attny. That will also take some degree of co-operation from both of you.
Now, the decision is one, that only you are able to make, in YOUR head and heart. Remain strong and determined in which ever road you decide to take.
I agree, to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children, is not a choice at all. Good Luck!
2007-05-04 04:37:23 · answer #11 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋