I earn more than my husband but we want another child so i really him to earn more. He is angry that i dont love him the way he is but i am only 24 and i really want to set up our family so we dont have to worry about money. Im worried this is going to break us up. Any advise?
2007-05-04 03:13:47 · 23 answers · asked by mel_24 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's getting angry because your putting in his mind unrealistic expectations. Like someone else said, lower your expectations. Personally I am leaving a job that I really enjoy, driving a cement truck, it pays good, but it's a seasonal job, and living in South Dakota, come winter time, it makes it tough to get hours in when the weather's bad. So I took a job that's full time year round and working in doors. I took this job, not so much because I wanted to, but because it's in the best interest of my family. But I am sure I will enjoy the job. I start it this next Mon.
But if your husband loves his job, it can be tough to want to leave. I know that's how I feel about leaving my job.
2007-05-04 03:27:05 · answer #1 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The description of your husband's repetitive behavior is very abusive, unstable and selfish and is not conducive to a happy and healthy relationship. Ask yourself this... Were you the slightest bit happy or relieved when he left? Does he get violent when he drinks? Does he talk badly towards you or your son, threaten or demean in any way? If you answered yes to any of these, your intuition is picking up on the correct answer. Always listen to your gut. I suggest that you discuss your dilemma with a professional, such as your primary care physician or call a Local or National Domestic Abuse Hotline. They will be able to give you some insight on how to proceed without prejudice. Remember your not the only one suffering here, you have to think in the best interest of your son. His Dad sounds like a very poor role model and an emotional cripple. As far as the other guy goes, keep your guard up. You are emotionally fragile right now (who wouldn't be), so make sure you, or he, isn't using this situation for the wrong reasons. You know what I am talking about. Stay strong for yourself and your son, never compromise as you two are the most important people right now. Concentrate on what counts, not your "friend". Good luck and stay safe. I am really concerned.
2016-05-20 03:53:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to hold off on having another baby. Second whatever the job is that he is doing--is there a way that he could additional education in that field, so that he can continue to do what he loves to do, however he can gain promotions r/t experience and education? Have you set up a retirement plan or a 401K, so that you have money when needed? That can come from your money--you don't need his. Find budget better, plan better, get a financial planner, and learn to balance the income from two people. There shouldn't be so much dilemma that you can't figure out a reasonable solution. The other side of that too-is that is anything happens to your husband (god forbid) or you divorce how would YOU make it on your own. Do YOU make enough to support you and two children?? Think things through and make plans--before you have another baby.
2007-05-04 03:28:29 · answer #3 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can he use the experience that he has at his current job to move up in the same line of work? For example, if he's a mechanic does he have enough experience to find a job as a head mechanic? He would still be doing a job he likes, but would be making more money.
Sit down with him and calmly talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel and also listen to what he is saying. The two of you need to work together to find a solution. If he feels he's being pushed and pressured into doing something that he doesn't want to do you're going to have more problems than financial ones.
2007-05-04 03:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by Lorie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it is true that money doesn't buy happiness, it is also true that love and acceptance does not pay the bills. If your husband and you both decided that you want another child and his income isn't cutting then you have a right to expect him to figure out how to make the money necessary to support the entire family. It isn't unfair and it isn't because you don't love him. Settling for mediocrity won't support to two children in college. Yes it is great that he has a job at all but with life changes comes more life changes. He has to do what is necessary as a husband and father.
2007-05-04 03:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by superwmn315 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have you tried sitting your husband down and talking to him. Remind him that the two of you want another child and its really hard at the moment to just to feed the three of you now and to save money for a rainy day. You need to talk with your husband, but if he's not willing to listen, then dont rush into having another child until you guys money is just right
2007-05-04 03:28:14 · answer #6 · answered by plumprump26 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he want the baby? You are assuming he does. If that's the case, then you both need to make sacrifices to have another one.
He doesn't understand why you're upset, and he thinks you don't love him. That is a *very* big problem. First, relax his fears, and sit down with him to try and figure out how much you need to make.
A lot of people think they need "more" but without having a target of how much more, you can feel constantly worried.
Once you have a target goal, then you can decide together on some ways of getting to that goal. Try it out. It doesn't take long, it airs a lot of laundry and it proves to him that you're willing to work on this together rather than just telling him to "get a job!"
2007-05-04 03:42:56 · answer #7 · answered by Matthew P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Melissa...yes it can break you up if you let it. However, if your husband is a real man he will want to provide financial stability. The problem with men today is that they are becoming more and more lazy. I feel sorry for the next few generations because their men are even worse my little brother is the laziest kid I've ever met and he's 23. I'd like to say there's hope but if your husband is happy doing what he's doing and doesn't see the importance of financial stability then he might never. Talk to him and explain your side. That's about all you can do other then leave him and find what your looking for.
2007-05-04 03:23:08 · answer #8 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What sort of work does your husband do? Was he doing that type of work before you choose him to have children with. People are right money doesn't buy happiness. Since you're the one who wants more money why don't YOU get a job that pays more? Your husband is right you should love your partner as they are and don't nag for them to change. If you have that recipe of how to set your family up to not worry about money let me know fast.
2007-05-04 03:22:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Seems to me here that you are hitting the panic button because there seems to be no control over this situation. You need to have faith in God, the provider of all things. Faith is something we all lack, and we need more of. Don't try to change what your husband loves or else he will end up resenting you, rather let him do what he thinks is right. Money is just money, but family is so precious, cling to it and cherish it.
2007-05-04 03:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by Light Bringer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋