Hubby really hurt my feelings....?

Question

My husband and I got into a fight and he ran home to Mommy to cool off. His mom and I HATE each other, in fact it came to blows one time. Well, anyway, we talked last night and everything seemed okay, he vented, I vented and everything seemed okay. He said he was going to spend the night there since he had a doctors appointment this morning and they only live 5 minutes from the doctors office. Well, last night he didn't ask me to come to the doctors appointment with him (which I thought was weird because they are going to have to numb his foot, so I thought he might need a ride). Well, I found out thru snooping that his mom took him to the doctors appointment. He didn't even ask me!! So I called him on his cell to ask what was up with that and it rang and went to voicemail, so I called back and he TURNED OFF HIS PHONE!! Should I be mad? The thing about it is, we always go with each other to doctors appointments, it's just our thing. Should I not have these hurt feelings?

No we're not newlyweds, we've been married for 12 years!! AND HIS MOM HIT ME, not the other way around!

Answer 1

What's sad is that he runs home to mommy, gets her all involved in his personal buisness, she's going to take his side and he knows that. Sorry, but with his mother hitting you, he should take your side and let his mother know NO ONE hits his wife and he needs to distance himself from someone like that. He's got his top priorities all mixed up.

Answer 2

If you are upset about this, it is not the root of the problem. It doesn't matter whether you like or hate his mother, but he is using that as bait to irritate you. He really should find someone else to vent to when he is upset with you because is bias. But on the other side, the possibility of you taking him to the doctor probably didn't enter his mind because he was at his mother's house already and he probably asked her earlier that day. Do not read too much into that. If he would have asked you to take him and cancel plans with mom I am sure there would have been a serious guilt trip coming his way from mom. Your Husband need to stand up for himself and tell mom and you to respect each other. the both of you are putting him in between a rock and a hard place and soon someone will lose. I have learned to let it be and eventually you husband will come around or mom will get over it. Counseling might help because it seem to me that there are deeper issues. good luck

Answer 3

Well, just because you and his mother don't get along, doesn't mean he doesn't get along with her. Maybe he thought it would be nice of him to let her do something for him, or maybe he thought you both needed a little break from eachother. The turning off the cell phone thing....that's a little weird, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. He's going to come home eventually, and you can talk about things then, maybe cool off before you discuss anything, but obviously you're doing something right! 12 years, that's awesome.

Answer 4

I'm not being nosey, but are you two newlyweds? Whoever said that the first year of marriage was the hardest, was dead wrong. The first 5 years are the hardest. You're still in love, you're still building trust, you still only have eyes for each other, and that includes family members. I wouldn't worry too much about his mother. I've learned to deal with my mother-in-law. You know how? After me and my partner had a HUGE fight over nothing, she came to me and said "Pick your battles." She was right. Althought my other half still goes to her with problems, i don't care anymore, because I rule the roost. Pick you battles, sweetie.

Answer 5

hi,
he is a grown man and he still needs his mommy? there is something wrong there. you need to let him know hoe you feel about him running home every time the two of you have a fight. and after you have made sure he understands how you feel do the same to mom. if he is a mamas boy then you have a bigger problem. there are some mothers that cannot give up their children and will always be in the picture. if you are okay with that then you need to come to a common ground with her that is if you still want to be with him there is really no real way out except to voice your feelings to the both of them

Answer 6

If he stayed the night at his moms and it was only five minutes away from the doctors office, why would he call you to come pick him up? Sounds like he just needed a moment...and you blew it by being pushy.

You won't go to EVERY doctor appointment together for the rest of your life. And you're stuck with your MIL. If you want to alienate yourself from your husband, keep up the jealousy and interfering with his relationship with his mom. If you truly love him, go to her (in front of him) and say, "hey, we started this thing off poorly. But I love your son and I know you do too. Lets start over." Then be gracious.

Answer 7

Wow! That's a really tough situation.I hope this isn't offensive but it sounds like he need to GROW UP! If you continue to accept this he will go running back to his Mom for the rest of your marriage.I would seek some marriage counseling,because even if alot of men do run to their mommies that does not make it normal.I think you would do well having a therapist help your husband see this.

Answer 8

its sad that hubby ran to mommy bcuz of an argument, and even sadder that mommy feels the need to interfere and protect her grown little boy....

its upsetting, but it seems that's the way things are....i have been in this type of situation before, and i am here to tell you, mom will keep her fingers in the pot as long as baby boy lets her...and it will remain a mommy-son-you marriage...until things change...

it hurts like heck and i feel for you....but dont react the way she probably expects you to react....deflate her by respectfully regulating her involvement (saying hello and minimum conversation to keep her out of y'alls business as much as YOU can when you're around-make a silent stand to her about your boundaries but refuse to argue with her). talk to him about how you feel regarding the three way relationship-expressing that there are times that some issues need to stay in the house and not out of the house-suggest counseling for BOTH of you so the pressure wont feel all on him...after all it takes two to argue....

sometimes, when those arguments happen and you see it about to go down that road, calm down enough to allow yourself to talk rationally or allow yourselves the space in the house to seperate for cool off time, without the need to leave the house...be willing to work on your communication with him, then in time ya'll's relationship may change for the better on all three parts...

i wish you the best...

Answer 9

In this case i shouldnt be mad at this one. He probably did that to avoid any more arguments. You know if he would've answered that phone in the presence of his mom, she probably woulda said something smart over the phone and then ya'll would been arguing again. Just let this one go because he'll be home again soon and you'll be taking him to the doctors again like normal

Answer 10

Well one thing going to his 'Mommy' is not the right thing to do. Yall are both married and when you are married your problems are your problems, no one elses. You should have told him he was in the wrong for that. My husbands mom hates me, he went to jail for me twice when i was 15 and now i am 19 and she still can't get over me. But every time we fuss and fight he will call her and blab his mouth. Well his sister tole me that she said it's ok baby, you can come and live with me and daddy if you want to. Like she is trying to get him to leave me.