Today I told him I am under a lot of stress, and I dont want to continue this relationship.
We have been together for over 2 years, he is a lot older than me, I am 26. Our relationship is opposed by my parents, and none of my friends likes it, simply bcos of the age difference. I love him very much bcos he is the first one I had sex with, and he does have a lot of good values. Also he has stayed faithful during our 1.5 years apart, and he did lots of work trying to make our relationship work.
But I am worn out in this relationship, I have to go against my family, I have to move to a quiet small place bcos he doesnt want to live in a city anymore, and Im worried about my future when he gets old. I love him very much, thats why I kept it going for so long, but the more I love him, the more pain I feel. So today I brought up the idea of breaking up, I can feel he got hurt, I can feel he was very pissed off, he thought I could marry him, he said Im nuts.
I feel guilty, am I wrong?
2007-05-04 01:59:36 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes
2007-05-04 02:03:53 · answer #1 · answered by skcs11 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If that is how your feeling now then it will only get worse in time. Your doing the right thing to end it now knowing how your feeling then keeping him hang on for a long time. Your young and have Lot's in life to look forward to don't cut yourself short. Life is to short. Your doing the right thing. Even if you feel guilty that only means you have a big heart and don't want to hurt him. The age difference really isn't that bad though. Your only a couple year's apart. My dad was 10 years older then my mom and they lived a very happy life together for 40 years. Don't focus so much on the age as you should on your happiness. And don't live for other people. My mom's family didn't like my dad and they had 40 some good years. Good luck in your future decision.
2007-05-04 02:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen the reason everyone is so upset is he must be close to or older then your father and in every ones eyes it's like he is taking advantage of you. Your friends are all weirded out to because none of them could ever imagine dating a guy old enough if not older then their own fathers. I still believe dating someone that much older then you never has worked out in my experience. I have dated older I have had family members marry older and it never works out. Also think about this when you are say 50 yrs old and he's what 80 yrs old and you want to travel and see the world how are you going to do it with a man who's about to die or is already gone. Your young experience life and if you still feel this way then go back but try honestly try. You might find someone closer to your age who will sweep you off your feet and everyone will love this person the stress will be gone then. Good luck to you.
2007-05-04 02:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by Kathleen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Close your eyes and see if you still love him without the age gap. Tell him your worries/feelings. We can't help who we fall in love with but when a young person loves an older person it's so hard. Make sure if you do stay with him that you get life insurance so you will be taken care of. With him being older you might want to not hold off on a family so that he can enjoy the kids with lots of energy. small towns are really not that bad you could get a license and be able to visit the bigger cities when you want to.
2007-05-04 02:19:17 · answer #4 · answered by Tina D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure your relationship is fine and dandy now but just think in 10 more years he is going to 66 years old that is an old man and sure you think it wont matter because you are in love. you won't be able to have the fun a 36 year old couple would be having you would be home caring for your old sick husband in a boring suburban town while he spends his retirement. In the meantime it would be the prime time of your life the time when other woman your age are having children and going out for cocktails and vacations. and then 10 more years you will be 46 and he will be 76 most people don't even live that long you will be left a lonely widow. i know I'm being harsh but this happened to my best friends mother who is 42 years old and her husband of 68 just passed away and now she is left alone and doesn't know how to have a fun time because her old husband has aged her own personality. i was just listing to radio talk show where women were calling in regretting their relationships with older men. mind someone young and fun after 5 years of marriage no one is really satisfied with their spouse anyway it will only seem like the grass is greener on the other side and most likely it will be..
2007-05-04 02:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by Beeg 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand been worried about the future especially with someone so much older than you but if really love someone and you care for them there should be no excuses! Live life today and enjoy it, make your own choices and learn from your mistakes don't obsess over them, life is too short... If you really love him and he has been respectful, caring and loyal to you all this time then stay with him.... Who is to say he will be here tomorrow or that you will be here tomorrow? at any given day anything can happen and the last thing you want is to regret making such an awful decision, leaving the one you love just because everyone else told you so.... Life is too short, remember that.
2007-05-04 02:06:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just think in 26 more years he'll be 81 and you will only be 57, question is do you think that your wrong???? How wonderful are things going to be then? Can you say he could be bed ridden or in a wheel chair, does that sound like what you are wanting for your self, in your life? Will you be able to stay with him and love him the way he will need you to be there for him.
Now, an even bigger question and you need to really get real here. Are you playing some kind of a game with this man's heart? If you are not able to think of what your doing to your self, then at least be totally real with this man. Do not play with his heart, he may be wanting a partner for the remaining years that he has left. Don't cheat him, by staying in this if it really isn't what you are wanting. Let him move on to be able to meet some one who will really will love him for who he is and may even want to be with him.
I'm only asking questions that you may want to ask your self. I'm in no way telling you what you should do, since it is your life to live as you wish. If you decide to marry him then I wish you both the best that life has to offer.
Are you wanting a father figure in your life? Was you dad not around when you were growing up, or did he miss treat you? Because those are the only reasons that some one your age would be looking at a man that age.
You need to do what is right and even best for him as well as your self. Remember that you have lots of time in this world to live your life. He on the other hand is 56 years old and dosn't have all the time in the world, as you do. I'm sure that he is wanting to have some one who will be there with him. I'm not trying to make him sound like he is going to drop like a fly, so forgive me if I come across that way. I just want you to be really certain of what you are doing. I have a daughter that is 29 and I would tell her the same as I'm telling you.
You also need to do what is going to be best for you too. Are you wanting to have children? Does he want to have children with you? This is some thing that you really need to know, if you both get together. You wouldn't want to get married to him and then find out later that he doesn't want children. Look at all the angles if you will and then make your own decision for your self. If you are really wanting to be with him, then I say do it if it's what you really want, but really be sure of your feelings.
God bless, I hope that every thing works out for the best for the two of you. If you stay together and get married, I wish you both a happy and beautiful life together.
2007-05-04 02:15:56 · answer #7 · answered by Cindy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly where you're coming from...trust me! I'm 21 and my fiancee is 51. Like you said, my family is opposed and my friends don't like it, only because of the age difference. I live in Florida, because he's here....but if it wasn't for him I'd move back up north where I'm from originally. He's the first one I had sex with. He has good values, he's faithful...all of what you said in your question. The only difference between you and me is that we're getting married in two weeks. I know it can be stressful...I'm going against my family's wishes, and none of my friends will be at my wedding because they say they don't approve. But for me the issue is this: I have to live with my decisions. My family can't love me in the way my soon-to-be-husband can. I need that fulfilling relationship, and I'm 100% sure that this is the right thing for me. I love him, and he loves me. Sure, things will be different for me when I'm 40, because I will have a 70 year old husband. But I'm willing to deal with that because I love him and want to be with him forever. It's a decesion only YOU can make. If you love him and are sure, then learn to live with the pressure from your family and such. Stand up for what you believe! You can email me if you'd like to talk, or just have a friend that's in the exact same place as you. Believe me, I know it can be hard. But to me, love is worth it.
2007-05-04 02:18:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong. Just keep going he is way way to old for you and you would tier of the slllooooww place after about 3-5 yrs of married life with him. It is very appealing to young ladies to not miss a beat going from one green pasture to another one a/c he is already set in his ways and i am sure money wise as well. Of course he is wild about you 56 dating a 26 young lady that is a major acomplishment they think at the expense of your youth ect. So even though he is mad hurt ect you need to do both of you a favor and date someone closer in age. I understand the draw but you would i promise grow old of it in a very short time. AND 5-10 yrs is short.
2007-05-04 02:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The reason you are getting hurt too is because you still love him and getting out of him would mean taking away a part of you. Since you have been with him for two years, breaking-up would be quiet tough. But there are things that love can't help anymore.
2007-05-04 02:10:52 · answer #10 · answered by jay 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE RIGHT imagine what this relationship would be like in 10 years you will still be young and he will be in a zimmaframe trust me you did the right thing your 26 go have some fun..
2007-05-04 02:04:54 · answer #11 · answered by Donkey_kong 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋