2007-05-04 01:48:32 · 15 answers · asked by Lady J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know, it would be so much easier if he would just get hit by a bus, right? Unfortunately, we never get that lucky...lol. In the end, you'll have to part ways. It is just a matter of when and how. You can always try to make life just so miserable that his best option is to just go...make him run as far away as he can get, and make him never want to come back. Get creative and heartless. I'm sure you can do it.
2007-05-04 02:26:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. I got married when I was 19. We were happy at first, because we were young, and in love. Then, our fairy tale life turned into a reality. Hard times, not having enough money, realizing we both screwed up in trying to grow up before we should have. We argued all the time...It was HELL!
So, neither one of us wanted to leave the apartment we shared, and we both pretty much lived our own lives for a while. After about 3 years of that, he finally left. I wouldn't recommend doing it that way though.
You guys need to sit down and figure out what you really want. Do you even want to try to fix it? Or, is it definately over? Are there children involved, and if so, how will that be handled? Do you guys share anything of value? If so, again, how will that be divided?
Is it possible you guys could seek counceling? That wouldn't be a bad place to start.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best!
2007-05-04 08:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by Tammy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Negotiate. Negotiate like hell, or you build up the courage to leave. When I say negotiate, I don't mean, give some, take some, or put bandages on the marriage until all that's left is two people going through the roles of marriage.
When I say negotiate, I mean, you two both sit down, figure out what the most importants to you are. Leave positions and petty disagreements at the door. Is it that you both want different careers? Do you both want different family styles? Does one of you want a family and the other does? These are lifelong goals and objectives that cannot be compromised on. Small things whether or not you pick up your dirty underwear or whether or not he makes dinner are petty things that can be worked out.
Once you find your long-term, 30+ year goals, you can figure out if the other person sees themselves being a part of those goals. If not, then it's time to move on. It's hard, it's tough. It disrupts everything--especially if there are children involved. But seriously, if you've already wasted this much time, can you really afford to waste any more time?
2007-05-04 08:57:38 · answer #3 · answered by My 2 Cents 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since neither one of you wants to leave then you both must still want it to work. Keep talking, be honest about your thoughts, feelings, fears,etc... and learn to pick your fights, I mean make sure it's something that really matters, ie, don't fight over who's going to take the garbage out. I have been married almost 20yrs and one of the most important things I have learned is that marriage is not 50/50, both of you need to give 100%, if and when one can only give 50 or 75 then the other needs to pick up the slack for a while and help each other. People change, learn, grow and make those changes together and you will be unstoppable. Good Luck
2007-05-04 09:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by whos_ur_girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well...hmm... You need to resolve the problems.... When you run away and leave, the problem is still going to be there.... Its hard for the first couple of years because you are still getting to know your new husband... no matter how long you've known each other... new sides to each others personalitise come out... Remember y'all are not perfect and both make mistakes... sit down and talk about things DONT HOLLAR at each other... think about what you're going to say.... be honest... dont lie or hold things in... that after time affects people internally and their relationship... Definitely you cannot start panicking.... sit down and take a day to spend time with each other and talk things over.... just live one day at a time
2007-05-04 09:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everything I've read suggests that successful marriages have nothing to do with agreeing on everything or even being similar.
Its the ability to _cope_ with the inevitable disagreements that matters.
So I don't think the fact that the two of you has changed has to be a death blow. You two just need to learn _how_ to disagree without being miserable and keep the love and intimacy alive.
I'd suggest counselling, but be clear going in that the goal is NOT to fix your problems. The goal is to improve your bond and communication and ability to express passion so that you take the inevitable problems in stride. THAT is possible.
Good luck to both of you.
2007-05-04 09:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My wife and i married young. and my wife change drastically ever 4 years so for me i leaned to change with her in order to keep the love i have for her alive and she loves that i welling to change when then time comes.
2007-05-04 08:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Get marriage counseling. You should take your vows seriously and to heart and do all you can to salvage it. Get with a marriage counselor or minister and see if you can work through your problems. Try and work through your problems before anyone leaves.
2007-05-04 08:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by kgee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one will leave because both of you think it could still work. When it is over one of you will know and then one of you will leave. Obviously there is still hope, seek counseling fast.
2007-05-04 09:19:30 · answer #9 · answered by 400lbtwins 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Change happens, but it is the one thing we all fight against.
You must ask yourself what your are willing to do for yourself and go with it!
2007-05-04 08:54:31 · answer #10 · answered by Ken W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋