My husband's ex wife uses my stepdaughters cell. Should I charge her? How?

Question

My stepdaughter got one of those "prepaid" cells for Christmas of 2005. Her mom was the big hero for getting her a cell that year. In the first month my stepdaughter put over $60 in the account and ate the minutes up quickly. Her mom refused to add to it for her.
My husband and I thought that was crazy, so we added her to our plan for $10 and she has been great about using only her alloted minutes. We found out that when they went on their family vacation this past spring break that her stepdad gave her cell number to his out of state family and they used the phone the entire vacation. When I received the bill, I scrutinized it and found that the ex had used over 140 minutes in one month. I started looking back through January and find she uses the phone a lot. When she takes it away from my Stepdaughter for restrictions, she uses it.

We have told her twice before to stop using the phone. It is in my husband's name and we purchased it for my stepdaughter to use. She is a grown woman and can get her own cell phone!! She had hers shut off last year for whatever reason. Can I charge her for the minutes, even though they stayed within the alloted minutes? How would you handle this.
My stepdaughter is not at fault. She is 14 and when your Mom says "hand me your phone" she can't say "no" or she'll be punished. She is bullied into giving up her phone.

PS ~ It's not about the money. This woman has taken us to court 3 times in 3 years for child support and receives over 550 a month for one child.
She sent me a bill a few months back for a prescription that cost $1.70 and charged us our 70% obligation of it! That's PETTY. It is more about principle than it is the $10.

My husband will be the one to deal with her but the last three conversations with her he has been him being cussed out and hung up on. We are just trying to figure out a way to get this resolved without it turning into the ex punishing the daughter for something she is doing. To be honest we believe that as often as she is taking the phone from her it is so she can use the cell. Cutting the phone off is not the answer, that is punishing the child for something an adult is doing. If we put a lock on it and her mother asks her for the code, she cannot so tell her mother no. I know alot of you think this is petty and under normal circumstances I would agree, but there is alot of history here and the woman is a piece of work in every aspect.

She lives with her mother and we get her every other weekend. It is long distance for her to call us and that is one reason we got the phone for her, so she could call us.

Answer 1

Hi,
I understand what you're going through, we went through something quite similar with 2 step daughters, mom bought them prepaid and was the hero as well, she never refilled it so we add the girls on our plan, which is a business plan and it's costing us $50 extra a month for the girls phone, whenever they visit their mom she uses both phones up and at times has gone over the allotted minutes by 2000 minutes in 5 days, we paid the bill after talking to her and we told her we are blocking her from using the phones..
We simply put a lock code on the phone and my step daughters know the codes, before the mom or step dad takes the phone away, the girls turn the phone off and will not give them the lock code so they can't use it.

We have no problem if the mom or even step dad uses the phone after 7pm or on the weekend, as it's free.

To Your question,
I think if they're using it and not going over the allotted minutes then you should just leave it alone, in the long run it's really not that big of a deal, I understand you're mad and upset as she is a torn in your side, but do not take let it turn you into a person you're not. Just let it go as long as they are not going over the allotted minutes.
Your stepdaughter will start resenting you if her mother who she loves dearly isn’t allowed to use her phone, because the step mom said so. Let Dad handle this situation.

Note:
We get along great with the former spouses now, but it wasn't always easy, you just have to know what fights to pick and to tell you the honest truth, it's not even worth it to pick fights with the former spouses, it's not good for the kids or for your marriage...

As I am writing this answer My step kids mom, has just called me and ask me to add her to our plan and she will pay the $25 for herself and also $25 for one of the girls, and you know what, I am going to add her to the plan and give it a few months and if it's not working I'll just take her off. It's much easier to be kind and good than to have that entire negative and hate feelings. If you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know.

Answer 2

Sorry but your only answer here is to cut the phone off...If you keep paying for it, she'll keep using it. Your going to have to have the conversation with the daughter that this is not being done to punish her, but to keep the Mom from running up bills on your dime..If you don't want to cut if off then put it back on a prepaid amount and tell her when it's gone it's gone...Allow so much a month and not a penny more...Doesn't sound like this woman will stop doing this unless you put a stop to it..Does the step daughter live with you? If she does and goes to visit her Mom, don't allow her to take the phone with her when she goes...If her Mom can't get to the phone she can't use it....Good Luck..

Answer 3

Oh boy all your energy put into this is misdirected. You may have boat loads of history with this gal, but this is not worth a second of consideration. You are losing perspective. You married a man with children. Not all is going to be perfect. Somethings you will need to let go of. This is a glaring example. The phone is a gift to your daughter and a solution to long distance. How the other minutes are spent is none of your business. Should that phone exceed monthly minutes, shut it off. Simple. Until then focus on more important issues, like staying out of it. Too many step-parents want to conduct the raising of children that are not theirs. Check yourself. Your husband has enough on his plate and worrying about this is crazy.

Answer 4

I think you should speak with your husband so he can speak to his ex-wife about her using the child's cell phone. This is really between your husband and his ex.

To protect your "money" take her off your plan for now until the situation is resolved. If she needs a refill have her call you.

There is normally a card in the phone, not sure what it is called and this can be removed. This way if the mother takes the phone away from the child, the mother can't use the phone.

The child can also lock her phone with a password and the phone can't be unlocked until the child puts in the password.

Answer 5

i have an idea, when your stepdaughter goes to her mother's have your daughter write in a book the numbers she uses and how long she talks for and has he mother sign it, when she is used to signing the numbers your daughter then writes down her mothers numbers and gets your mother to sign a different section. at the time you get the bill tell her her charges and she can't complain as she signed saying she made the phone call....deceptive i know but she has no right to use the phone with out your step daughters approval

Or she could just keep it stuffed in her bra beginning of the holidays so when he mum says hand over the phone' and she says no i don't have it' and if her mum checks her stuff she can't find it...but tell her to have it on silent or vibrate and to use it away from her house...

Answer 6

They are not abusing the minutes your daughter has on her phone and costing extra money so I don't think this is worth fighting over. If you don't want the mother to use the phone you pay for don't let her take it to mom's house. Once it is in mom's house it becomes a shared responsibility.
Let's say you send her home with $30 worth of groceries that she wanted special that her mother wasn't going to by her and her mom and step dad share those should they be expected to pay for those? No it is food in their home.

Answer 7

While it is not fair to punish your step daughter the only thing you can do is drop her from your plan. Explain to her that you love her and you understand that she too is in a situation that she doesn't know how to handle, but the phone is for her only and until her mother can afford to get her own she simply will have to earn money and go back to a prepaid.

Answer 8

Can you lock access to the most commonly dialed phone numbers that you know the woman calls? Somehow block them? That would put a crimp in her style, and wouldn't affect the girl's use of the phone. You could try to bill her for the minutes she uses, but given her history of going against your wishes, it's unlikely she'd pay you. It sounds like you've been very cordial in your dealings with her, and she just sounds like a 'user'.

Answer 9

Your stepdaughter should simply learn how to lock her phone. Most phones can be set up to require a pin number or other secure access method.

Answer 10

Either charge her or have the daughter leave it at home when she visits her mother. Sounds like she might be using it as a punishment to the daughter only to use it herself.