What do you think?

Question

3 years ago my boyfriend's ex called him to say she might have his baby (he was calling her too) even when I found out he still lied to me, right down to not remembering her name, her name is the same as mine. The lies went to one extreme to the other and 3 years later we are still fighting over this. I called his ex myself and she said that the baby is not his "she thought it was but now its not", but why would she say it in the first place! All I want him to do is tell me the reason why he knows the baby is not his, meaning the dates etc. He says he knows its not his because of the dates but he cant remember the dates! You see to me that doesnt make sense and its driving me crazy! He says he only slept with her twice so why cant he remember when? When I bring this up he gets angry, refuses to talk about his ex even though I cry sometimes begging him to put my mind at rest. He's a lovely guy and he treats me really well but this is our only problem!

Freerange, can I just say that this has nothing to do with him cheating on me, im not insecure i just wonder why she tracked him down after a year to tell him this in the first place only to say that its not his when I confront her

Answer 1

No some of these responses are BS.. You DO NOT NEED to apologize. This all happened on your clock.. While you two are together. This affects both people when the relationship is serious. Don’t need a marriage licence to prove it… Good God. You have every right to know the details and so forth. This is not something only between his ex and himself. Nothing worse then the other person sitting on the curb while the two of them hash things out. That is garbage.

Now there is no reason for him to keep stuff from you. It as if he didn’t want you to know anything. And thinks its none of your business. These are extreme lies and people remember things like this because it’s a BLOODY WARNING.. Come on how many of your regular “friends” have pulled a fast one on you and you HAVENT FORGIVEN THEM.. It stays there.. This is one of the major reasons why trust is broken.

For you to be crying and basically begging him to tell you things is awful. Yet none of the facts are lining up. When you yourself need to phone the ex just to get a bloody answer that is selfish on his part. He has opened up a door for mistrust along with the inability to open up to you.

You are hurt because he left you in the dark.. and all you really want to know are the facts. By lying it makes it sound as if there was talk of getting back together and god knows what else. This is something most people can’t let go. When it happens to you then you see how it truly feels. Remember women need details along with the dam story. Men are like this too you know…. but are too afraid of the response half the time… therefore don’t ask.

I know I would want to know everything, it’s not right to be left hanging like. He has made no attempt to try and rectify his actions and lies. You need to tell him this. IF it was You doing it to him... He would have walked out the door. If this doesn’t get solved the relationship will never be the same again. It will only end in regret and hate. When another major thing happens you know he won’t be able to handle it and follow threw.

Anyways he needs to give you what you are asking… otherwise you will end up leaving, that is something both of you will regret later down the road.

Answer 2

OK, chick...the big pic...you are his girlfriend (be glad your not married putting up with this). Your not "obligated" to put up with mess you don't have to. Three years of fighting over the same mess is a waste of time, especially when there are no changes. Before you invest any more time into this relationship, ask yourself are you really happy, can you see yourself being married to this guy, do you trust that he will be honest with you, and is he willing to stop all communication with this ex. If you answered no to any of these, run, don't walk to the nearest exit and don't think about turning back. Boyfriends can be replaced instantly without the legal jargon!

Answer 3

Ok, can you remember exact dates from 3/4 years ago? If you did something twice would you remember the dates, I know I wouldn't. Even with memorable events it's sometimes difficult to remember the exact dates, and this doesn't sound as though it was memorable. It's time to let it go, if you don't you will probably lose him. Is it really so important, it's resolved for them so it should be for you.
Good luck

Answer 4

tell him that in calm way to tell you the full truth and that once he tells you everything u need to know that will never bring te subject up again. If this goes successfully and does end up telling u what u needed to know then make sure u keep to ur promise otherwise let it go and move on.

sounds like ur good together so dont destroy it over some ex, they are good at breaking up happy realationships and its not worth it because may be his ex is getting exactly what she was after was for you 2 to fight over her. Your man gets mad every time u talk about his ex and he should rightly so since the only one he wants to be with is you hun so think about it..

take care x

Answer 5

Men dont have a detailed memory like women do, so it is useless asking a guy about dates. Guys, dont get me wrong, some of you do, but the vast majority are not bothered with these things.

He is probably not lying to you when he says he cannot remember dates, so if even she has already told you that the child is not his, try to leave it alone, if you really want this relationship to work.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

Answer 6

I understand your feelings. But you need not allow the shadows of past to ruin your present and future. When you yourself checked with his ex what is the reason for your suspicion. Boys are generally bad at remembering dates. At the most you can always go for DNA test of the ex's baby if she permits. Your overreaction is forcing your boy friend to lie before you to cool you off don't blame him for that. You have a good companion , enjoy it and move ahead. All the best.

Answer 7

This is not a problem. You are making it one. He has no way of knowing for sure. If the ex says no then let it go. Why are you harassing this man. You say he is a lovely guy and treats you well. What more do you want. The problem is in you. Fix it before you drive this prince away.

Answer 8

Trust is the base of any relation. I know it becomes really difficult sometimes for one to believe, as in your case. But, you dont have a choice, rather believe what your boyfriend is saying. Trust people in your life, they mean the world to you. He is a sweet person, takes care of you, because he loves you. the ex may be trying to trouble your relationship, and by getting upset, you are actually making his ex more successful in what she want.

Answer 9

you are fighting over something that happened 3 years ago and the baby isn't even his, but he is a lovely guy and treats you well? interesting, let it go, what does it matter now? I feel sorry for your boyfriend.....if he marries you he's gonna hear about this till the day he dies (or divorces you whichever comes first) Let it go!

Answer 10

once the seed of doubt is planted you will never get it out of your head.
You will always second guess them,wonder what they are doing and who they are doing it with.
If you dont trust him now then your relationship is doomed,you will push him away with question after question.
Everytime he goes out you will be wondering what hes doing,where hes going,who hes with.
You will end up going through his private things when hes out just to satisfy your own insecurities.
If you can live like this then thats fine,,i couldnt.
It would drive me mad.
Sometimes the only way to move forward is to let people go.
You seem very insecure,and lets face it,if he wants to play away from home,no matter what you do,what you say,how much sex you give him,he will inevitably stray.
This way you are just pushing him into that way.
This was 3 years ago and you still cant get over it