Should something be amiss if a wife wants more sex than her husband?

Question

I feel that I have a higher sexual drive than my husband and that I am always the one asking him for sex. When I propose the idea, he always shuts it down. We use to be at "it" every other day before we got married and it was great fun and I miss that but now it's not the case. Don't misunderstand me- we don't have a fixed routine as to when and where we should "do it" but even when it happens spontaneously, he claims to not be in the mood. How do I get him to change his mind and "throw caution to the wind" again?

Answer 1

Have you checked to make sure he is still alive?
Girl get down ann summers and get yourself a new outfit and maybe a few viagra! If that dont get him goin I dont no what will!

Answer 2

We all automatically think there's something wrong if it's the female wanting more sex than the male, it reminds me of the Carry On films where the shrinking man is getting chased by the dominant woman.

We all have different sex drives wether it be male or female, and it changes throughout our lives due to age, tiredness, complacency, stress and wether we are simply feeling happy with our lives.

You need to find out why he's feeling like this BUT you might just need to accept that 'at this time' in your relationship yours in higher.
The old story of men reaching sexual peak around 18 and women around 40 is very true but you should do everything possible to take his feelings into consideration.
Just imagine it being the other way around and you wouldn't want him looking elsewhere if it was you who wouldn't have sex.

He must be feeling an awful of of pressure right now, and the more you push the harder it will be for him to get back into the sexual relationship you had, men are affected differently with things like this because they can't discuss it with friends like women do, they have no vent for their frustrations.
He will be feeling inadequate, stressed out, insecure and concerned about your relationship as a whole.

I would try and have a weekend away without kids, family, work phoning up and see if you can start to recapture what you had.

Get yourself a couple of toys to not just use alone but when he's there too, this really will get his pulse racing as guys love to watch this sort of thing.

Most of all, TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF FOR A WHILE, stop asking for sex, stop all talk of it, stop any situation where it seems your after it and give him a few weeks of total rest from the pressure, give him a holiday!
Go for affection, go for holding hands, cuddles, etc and nothing else.

As i said, you may eventually just have to accept that's the way things are but i get the feeling there is something there to work with first, give him a break and take it slow.

Answer 3

I struggled with exactly the same thing in my marriage. There was no indication before we got married that there was any kind of problem, but after the wedding it was a different story. I gave it a good shot - 23 years, but eventually got fed up (there were other things in our marriage that weren't great either), dumped him and now I'm happily enjoying a proper relationship with a full red-blooded male.

If you have to work that hard to get him to throw caution to the wind, it's missing the point. It should be spontaneous and he should want to of his own accord.

It's up to you whether you continue down this road or not. Bear in mind that a few years on and it will be very difficult NOT to have an affair.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Please do not advocate buying Viagra from the Internet. It's a prescription medication. It can have some very unpleasant and even life-threatening side-effects. If you legitimately need it, see a doctor and have him determine that and write you a prescription. Buying it online from unreliable sources is plain dangerous.

Also, people seem quick to jump to conclusions. Cheating on you or having lost interest are possibilities, not likelihoods. Talk to him, don't pressure him.

I had a hard time (forgive the pun) with sex after my wife and I moved to another town and I went a long time without finding work. Not being the breadwinner was a real blow to my ego, I didn't feel like much of a man, which lead to me feeling unworthy and, thus, unattractive. I stopped wanting sex... I still found my wife as gorgeous and sexy as always, but I felt uncomfortable being with her, sexually, due to my low self-esteem.

All I am saying is, we're all different, and lack of sex does not always mean lack of desire.

Answer 5

You're question frightens me for your sake because it is very familiar to me. In my previous marriage I thought things were going okay and I wondered why his once enormous sex drive turned into "I'm too tired" or "I'm really just not in the mood". I didn't think a whole lot about it but one day my 14 year old son approached me to tell me his dad was having an affair. I asked how he knew and he said he over heard a conversation my husband had with her and even told me her name. One night while he was sleeping I looked in his blackberry and there it was....on speed dial! I know, you would think I would have known, but I really didn't. I had no clue.
I'm not saying this is what's going on with your man. This behavior could also be caused by stress and decreased testosterone. Do some research and educate yourself on these issues and then share your ideas with him. See what he thinks.....


And, I see some are suggesting this may somehow be your fault. It absolutely is not your fault. Something is going on with him and he either doesn't know it or he's not talking.

Answer 6

Well, I'm assuming your about the same age. Try planing a night out, at a nice dark restaurant where you can give him a little hand action under the table. The thrill of such a show of willingness to get some,might spark a light in his interest. But nothing beats the feeling of a warm, wet mouth around the old snake while awaking from a nice sleep!

Answer 7

Communication communication communication and more of it. You need to talk to him about this and more importantly listen to what he has to say. Perhaps it would even be better for you to Ask him his thoughts first, perhaps something is worrying him, maybe he feels pressured. Maybe time is an issue and you need to just make more time.

What can happen in relationships is when you get out of sync like this the partner who wants more sex feels frustration or rejection. The one who isnt in the mood feels pressured, and so a vicious circle develops where things worsen because of the conflicting negative emotions under the surface. You need to talk about whether this is happening and why it is happening.

Remember there has to be give and take, we all go through wanes and peaks in our sexual drives, he is your husband and you need to be considerate and understanding as he hopefully would be for you

this website may give you some ideas on things you can try to improve things

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/

best of luck

S
x

Answer 8

Variety is the essence of life.Try some new dress perhaps sexy.Re cast your bedroom.After initial few years sex drive or number of occasions may come down.Arouse by foreplay and other actions.
Keeping sexlife active requires a lot skill and thoughtful actions.Try different positions.Unsatisfied sex may result in EMR.

Answer 9

Hey lady...Give him a break... let him recuperate... you know man can come only once..but you ladies can come like 3 or more times and still wanting more??....
He needs perhaps to go to the gym to work out so that he has the stamina to continue with your sexual drive...

Have fun..but he needs to rest too....

take care..

Answer 10

The thing is when you ask for it you dont get it dont ask for it and see he will wonder why arent you asking for it any more secondly feel confident about your self and let him know it when you are hot without asking him anything simply satisfy your self infront of him .you can also try talking about other males .
best of luck but one thing whatever it is you have to choose between sex and this man