Considering Divorce, need help?

Question

I've been married to my husband for 2.5 years, he has been back from Iraq for almost eight months and we are so miserable. Before we got married he had a drug problem which he never told me about, while he was in Iraq he had an "internet affair" with an ex (exchanging nude pics, talking dirty, etc.) he thinks i need to get over both but i'm still really angry. Also we never do anything together, he is very disrespectful, and we have very little in common. He is going home for a vacation without me, and he will be around his ex, needless to say i'm really paranoid about it. Tonight i told him not to come home once he is there. I have been really unhappy in this relationship for a very long time and nothing is making it better. We went to counseling but the counselor and him ganged up on me and it didnt go anywhere. I have been considering suicide a lot lately, not just because of my marriage but life in general, i dont have the energy for it anymore and i want out. any advice?

Answer 1

Im sorry to hear it's not going well for you but things usually tend to get worse before they get better. Listen, this guy has absolutely no respect for you. I believe when people get married they should stick it out unless it endangers your life or there's adultery but, I also think you probably did'nt know him the way you thought you did when you got married. You have every reason to be paranoid about him going home because even though you're married he's "fooling around" sort of speak with an ex. 100% inappropriate!! I dont see how this counselor manged to side with him when he's the one bringing harm to the relationship but, hey, you dont actually have to take the counselors advice. I do think however, if it's at the point of you wanting to end your life, you should end the relationship instead. You have so much to look forward to that you just don't realize it yet. Better yourself as a person, pursue a career or a line of work you enjoy, help those less fortunate than you (because there are many!!), take up a hobby, run, walk, do constructive things to help you release stress in a constructive manner. If you believe in God, continue to do so and pray for the strength to endure the future of this situation and for comfort and guidance to move forward. "Before him pour out your heart." pslams 62:8 If deep down you feel things will only get worse and when he leaves you "know" things aren't right, dont hesitate to leave and start fresh. This man did not give you your life, dont let him be the reason you have no life. What is it they say about womens intuition? It's always right, and you know what? It's true. So dont give up, things will eventually look up. You will come out of this a much stronger and happier woman, I promise!!! : )

Answer 2

First of all, anyone even thinking about suicide needs to get to the doctor ASAP and get on the meds. The depression has a physcial effect on brain chemicals and those need to get straightened out.

Second, since you are in a weakened condition, your ability to "think properly" is affected so it feels like everyone is ganging up on you. Try not to lash out, let's sit and think.

If he truly had this internet affair........why? He was under stress and needed a release.....this is common with people in combat. How was your relationship before he left? If there was tension, then he couldn't reach out to you for comfort. If you were happy when he left, then perhaps he didn't want to let you see this "seamy side" of him....he may have been trying to protect you. I'm not condoning what he did--far from it! I'm trying to see a point for his actions.

Neither one of you are the same. He's been in Iraq which isn't Club Med. You have been here worrying about it. Both of these are stressful and change people.

You mentioned the drug problem. If that's in the past, let it remain there. Bury it. If he begins using again.....it's a new chapter.......you can't hold the past over his head.

You say he is disrepectful (I'm so sick of that term, I'd like to kick it into outspace!), how? He doesn't want to go out with you.....he's been in Iraq where going outside could mean a bomb will blow your face off. Good chance he's suffering from post traumatic syndrome--this takes time, often years. He probably has matured beyond party-party.

You are worried about his ex......you may be driving him back there yourself. He doesn't want a wounded duck, he wants a happy, healthy wife who understands he's been through Hell and while he has flaws, she realizes she does too.

Get yourself whole, doctor and counseling, then you can work on your relationship with him. Explain you need time to heal too and that maybe you should start over together. Not living together, but like you are dating. Spend time together, see if there's a spark of life left and if the two of you can nuture it back to life. Will he go back to his ex during this.....maybe....to see if there's comfort there...he's a man. But if he truly wants to be with you, then he will come back and hopefully both of you will rediscover a life together and this time filled with love, respect and a blind eye to all the ugliness in the past......on both sides.

It could also be you've grown apart and can't reunite.

Answer 3

So, sorry to hear about your problems, but DO NOT commit suicide. That won't help anyone or anything. I would be very angry also, and you have reason to be paranoid. You need to be happy, do whatever is going to make you happy. My husband and I have been married for just about the same amount of time and I too have considered divorce, but for fewer reasons that you. It sounds to me that he just doesn't care to work on the marriage anymore either, in which case it's already over. Get out while you can.

Answer 4

It does sound like he plans to meet her. This isn't going to go
away until he is ready to let it go. Pressuring him is the wrong
approach. If you "kill him with kindness" before he leaves, he
may at least feel too guilty to enjoy his time with her. His
conscience may become his enemy. Remind him of the
romance that brought you together in the first place.....not
verbally but by demonstration.
I hope you stop considering suicide. No one will lose more
than you. If I felt unhappy enough to take my own life, I would
definitely get a divorce. Love is worth living for...not dying for.

Answer 5

Get help, now. Nothing is worth ending your life. If you're unhappy, get a divorce. Your husband messed up, not you. He cheated, not you. I know it hurts, but it will get better. Accept that your marriage is not going to work out and look for help while you go through this hard time. Find your own happiness. Life is too short. God will help you through this if you let him.

Answer 6

First, You need to get on your knees and pray! I can relate to much of you story. When it comes down to it, you cant allow someone to treat you that way. You husband has violated the spirit of marriage and with him being bold enough to go and visit her (you know he is), I think its a fair assumption that he no longer wants to be married. Let him Go! Shoot, let HER have him. She'll find out soon enough what kind of person he is! If you're feeling like its the end of the world and everything is just crumbling, you have to turn to a higher power. God doesnt want you to be miserable, he promises great things if we will just listen to him. I have been where you are...I spent 8 years waiting on my bf to get a divorce. Yeah we cheated, I've felt like he was completely mine but I just wasnt happy. I couldnt quite put my finger on why (I was in denial) though. I know now that God was missing, I hadnt relied enough on him in all that I did even though God had proven to me time and time again that he was present in my life. God has allowed me to keep my home in light of financial difficulty, keep me sane when I thought I would lose my mind, took care of me when I didnt know how I'd make it, EVEN WHEN i DIDNT DESERVE IT! Gurrrrl, get on your knees, cry out to him---you will feel so much better!!! You are on a journey right now and if you can accept that something much better will come your way as soon as you unblock your blessings, life will start to get better. Feel free to contact me if you like. If you need support, I'm here for you. God Bless!

Answer 7

i dont unavoidably "have faith" in divorce, i think of human beings ought to purpose to paintings it out. yet whilst somebody is in a bad subject i've got faith they ought to have the suited to get out of that subject. my husband and that i've got long gone by our honest share of issues, however the only ingredient which could make me divorce him is the previous asserting, "cheat or beat, hit the line!" by fact those are 2 issues that harm previous restore, and the relationship will in no way have an identical bond or have faith lower back. i think of too many human beings at the instant are marrying upfront, and for this reason ending in divorce. my husband and that i've got been at the same time 4 years previously we married. if human beings could make an effort to make helpful that a relationship could paintings with that distinctive individual of interest previously dashing into marriage by fact they think of they're in love, then i dont think of there could be a good number of divorce cases.

Answer 8

YES, dont do anything drastic.
You need someone happy in your life. Your husband has his own issues and you need to be stonger than him.
The drugs before joining the military were just made worst by Iraq. Try to find someone else.

Answer 9

hey i been there too...im soo sorry your going through this, its really sad how some husbands could be, my husb was in iraq also and had a real affair with a female soldier out there...believe me they say time heals but honestly it doesnt least for me it hasnt and its been almost 2 yrs now....hey if you ever need anyone to talk to my email is gabyandcloe@yahoo im still married to this man but its extrememly hard, i really hope things get better for you.

Answer 10

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problem, just remember that. I feel your pain, and Im really sorry. Try a trial seperation, seek counseling for yourself, your not crazy! Life is too short to be miserable. Follow your heart and I wish you well!!!!!!!!