The sheer luminescence of hope, slowly evanesencing each day I walk this earth.
The sheer luminescence of any exiguous happiness, buried in the sepia dirt.
The sheer luminescence of faith, never finding its rebirth.
The sheer luminescence of him truly loving me, is all just a fake.
The sheer luminescence of suicide, coming closer with each breath I take.
The sheer luminescence that he wouldn't even care, for heaven's sake.
The sheer luminescence of death, jumping into death's eternal lake.
im 11 years old..
and with very limited skill at writing
please critique!
2007-05-03 18:12:04 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
ok. feel free to paraphrase me.....
reminescent of a shallow grave. fast and sloppy.
rhyme scheme is as follows:
A
B
A
B
B
B
B
the impression i get is moody, almost forsaken lover, blinded by situation. repeatitive. decent for a beginner, but not that good.
2007-05-03 18:22:46 · answer #1 · answered by draconic dog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very troubling to read 11 year olds writing such emo poetry and discussing suicide so casually. If this is based on your life, you need to show this to someone immediately. This is a cry for help. I will not comment on the skill of the poem, only on the message. If you have these thougths - find a way to communicate them to someone. If you dont know who to discuss this with - write to me and I will help you to find someone. Pax - C.
2007-05-03 18:18:50 · answer #2 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
promising effort burdened by neologisms:
examples: luminescence, evanesencing, sepia,
2007-05-03 19:05:46 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋