Help! I am not interested to have sex with husband!?

Question

I have been married for over a year now. I started to be sexually active since 18 years old and had high sex drive since. I had several sex partners before my marriage.
Problem is I think my sex drive is still high, but not towards my husband.
Although he have to goods and stamina, but he does not really give me pleasure. Sometimes it's painful and after each session, I'm usually sore and slightly torn below as his penis is thick and long. He does a lot of foreplay but unfortunately it does not really arouse me. I only give in because it's a husband's right to demand sex. I can't achieve orgasm even with Oral. I hate to advise him much because I'm afraid it'll hurt his ego that his skills is poor. And I avoid telling him of my past experiences. His foreplay is unskilled and instead of making me feel aroused at my sensitive "areas" It tickles and soon after, it becomes numb. I tried subtle hints not to concentrate in one area too long but he does not get the hint. What can I do?

Answer 1

You really need to talk to him about it but bring it up gently and tactfully.

Perhaps he needs to use more KY when you make love.

I also recommend renting some blue movies (or subscribing to adult cable channels) and watching adult movies with him. As you watch these movies, tell him what you think that you would like.

Coach him as he makes love to you and be patient with him.

You have the opportunity to change him into the lover you desire - only if you speak up and take action. Just be sure to stroke his ego and reassure him that you really love him and you want your love life to improve dramatically with him.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

First, was your husband a virgin when you got married?

If he is, that might explain his poor foreplay and sex skills; well the only answer I can give is, to teach your husband, like it or not, you will have to tell him the truth and forget about his ego.
He can have the best tool in the world, but if he can't use it properly, what good is it. Use your past experience knowledge, just don't tell everything, just enough to get by, and if doesn't get the hint, tell him flat out what you want, or be a little dominatrix and take control with a little use of force, and if he still doesn't get the hint, well be a total dominatrix and take what you want though force.

You never know, he may like being dominated.

Answer 3

oh geese louise this is a tough one we all find other people attractive this is natural...fantasasing is harmless as long as you don't take it any further i think u love ur husband you could have sex with one of these other men you find attractive and those men may not take care of you and cherish you as much as your husband. You have a child together and this is special so don't throw it away over something like a lack of sex drive. Things could change. i suggest counselling. You need to also be open with your husband that your sex drive has gone down so he can help you and support you.

Answer 4

This is a real bummer. Did you not have sex before the marriage? If so was it better than or has it always been lousy? You are going to have to tell and show him in a nice way. Most men that are considerate are not happy until they please their woman. Sounds like he may be a little selfish if he isn't concerned with the fact that you aren't getting off. You are going to have to show him what you like and teach him. This is a bummer but not much else you can do.

Answer 5

You need to take your feelings out of it. As a member of the male clan, I can vouch for the fact that we are not the smartest. We do not operate on feelings, we operate on facts. If what he is doing is not working, tell him! You can tell him in a way that does not "hurt his ego," and I am pretty sure that if or when you tell him, he will immediately say you should have told him sooner. Guys like information, not feelings. Keep the feelings with the ladies, stick to the facts with the dudes. Tell him to be gentle, throw in some variety, cook dinner, fold laundry, whatever works.

Answer 6

Don't tell him like you don't like what he already does. Just give suggestions as to what would please you more. And ask him what he would like you to do so he doesn't think it's only about yo. You have to take the initiative and bring something hot and spicey into your marriage. Try toys, porn, or dirty talk. It's not easy to do some of those things at first but it gets easier and more pleasurable. I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

Answer 7

I"m bored too. went to a bar the other night and just smiled at someone and thought I was going to get in a tumble with someone's girlfriend LOL Knowing I still turn heads that was better then sex

Answer 8

You need to let him know. How else is he going to find out? He can't read your mind. You're married to him and the two of you should be able to work this thing out. Stop this problem before it could possibly spread to other parts of your marriage.

Answer 9

oh man. your question is so well expressed, i wish i wrote it!
i have experienced the same thing in a 25 year marriage and even now somewhat in my current relationship. inbetween times, i know i am sensual and i love making love and have incredible experiences to look back on.
so i won't get "best answer" lol because i wish i knew the answer!

Answer 10

Try using Astroglide, it will help lubricate you and in the mean time talk to him and give him more hints. Guys love to do new things, so just work it in as something new you want to try.