A New Day
When the red ball of fire,
Tips over the mountain,
The earth awakens.
The earth thunders with life,
With children,
With songs.
The earth paints itself,
With blue,
The color of a new day.
The earth lets out a melody,
A bird,
A voice.
The sounds of a daybreak.
When the red ball of fire,
Tumbles down the mountain,
The earth sleeps.
The earth shares a dream,
With those,
Who believe.
2007-05-03 17:08:54 · 10 answers · asked by katerina 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
- promising sweet poem but use symbols and figures sparingly, consistently, realistically. For example:
When the red ball of fire,
Tips over the mountain,
The earth awakens.
The "red ball of fire" is a reference to the sun but "tips over the mountain" suggests setting not rising as when "The earth awakens."
"thunders with life"?? inappriaate word - thunders. Kind of threatening like thunderbolt, loud scary din. use a softer word like "breaks."
The title does not reflect the ideas in the last two stanzas
Call it, A Day, or something along that line.
When the red ball of fire,
Tumbles down the mountain,
The earth sleeps.
The earth shares a dream,
With those,
Who believe.
2007-05-03 17:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like your poem. I don't know what you meant it to represent. But it reminds me of looking out my window in the morning when I feel like this is as good as it is going to get and then I see the sun rise over the mountains and realize that each day is a new experienceand even though time is short. I still have so much more life to live and the sun seeping in through the blinds is just a symbol that I can get up and face the day.I would love to read more, SO KEEP POSTING!!!
2007-05-03 17:20:48 · answer #2 · answered by taylorlei411 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's alright. I wouldn't clamber over the masses to buy the first copy of it, but it's better than a lot of the verse that gets posted here.
It's controlled and full of vivid imagery.
But, what is its point? Why am I a better person for having read it? Why is it necessary for this poem to exist? I'm getting a kind of ho-hum, whatever feeling about this poem from you.
What is at stake for you as a writer and me as a reader in this poem?
2007-05-03 18:48:19 · answer #3 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you read it aloud to yourself? Poetry is meant to be heard. This is a bit choppy. It could flow a bit better, but it isnt bad. The one verse I dont like is the one about The earth paints itself. You totally lose your flow there. First of all, dawn isnt blue - Maybe if you changed that line to something like "Crimson and gold" or "Violet and gold" it would flow better and be a better image. I give it a 7 - fix that verse and add a point. Pax - C
2007-05-03 17:15:15 · answer #4 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, I do! You have the soul of a poet!
2007-05-03 17:12:12 · answer #5 · answered by Ahab 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wonderful.
2007-05-03 17:17:48 · answer #6 · answered by :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya its nice
2007-05-03 17:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by druw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a really good poem!
2007-05-03 18:00:07 · answer #8 · answered by ceriseypoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes i do. It's very good!!:)
2007-05-03 17:23:44 · answer #9 · answered by writersbestfriend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
2007-05-03 17:13:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋