I am a newly wed of 4 months though my husband and I have been together for nearly 5 years....in that 5 years 80% of the time we go out it is typically me, my husband and his best friend...it used to never really bother me, but it seems that now that we are married my husband wants to spend even more time with him. I work 1st shift he works 3rd..with his best friend...he comes over to our house in the am and they watch movies and when the weekend comes, plans have already been made to go out..all three of us! They have even talked about buying a duplex. I love my husband and I like his friend, but when ever I say something to my hub about his bud or me being a 3rd wheel he always makes me feel guilty by saying..."he doesn't have any family" "I'm his only real good friend" He doesn't have a girl friend" this guy has not had a gf in the 5 years that I have been with my hub..not even been on a date!! I dont think I would be this angry if he had a gf that I could hang with. HELP ME!!
2007-05-03 16:59:43 · 13 answers · asked by Dedoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His friend is over weight and a grumpy guss..not a very approachable person and quite shy...I have tried to set him up but none of my gals are really interested..most of them have bfs or are married as well...I do not think that he is in love with my hubby, I just think that they have become very dependent on each other..the thing that gets me as well is that if my husbands buddy wants to do something that my hub doesnt want to do my hub does not have the heart to tell him no..because then his friend will just sit at his house alone...he tells me no all the damn time, but Ill just find something else to do! He's 32 btw...things have gotten better..this guy used to be over EVERYDAY after work, but they have cut it down now to 2 days..what irks me is that my husband spends 40hrs a wekk with this guy at work then they hang afterwords..then he sleeps all day till he has to go back so I see my husband awake MAYBE 20 hrs in a week
2007-05-03 17:15:47 · update #1
I know that he asks me to go..but I am ignored when we get there..and I dont see me husband during the week!! His friend does...I have NEEDS ya know! LOL and his buddy does not fit into those plans..I mean jesus we go to the bar..then his buddy comes into the house and watches tv with us!! Even if we all do go out together..by the time I get home I am ready to ummm go ya know??
2007-05-03 17:23:00 · update #2
First off, let me say that your husband sounds like a really sweet guy. He has this friend, who has no other life and he feels bad telling him no. That tells me alot about how big his heart is. You should first start off by appreciating this (I get the feeling you do...) That being said, this is totally out of hand. You should really stress to him that you need a day, or two, totally alone. Instead of putting this in a negative light, explain to him how he is enabling this guy to never have a life! He kinda needs to cut the strings in a way so his friend can have time to find a relationship. How is he ever going to meet a woman if he's on your couch? How can he when he's your third wheel all of the time?? I'm sure you've tried to fix him up with women but its time to really try harder now...lol
It looks like these two will be best friends for life, so she needs to be someone that you adore as well...you might as well have a hand in helping him find her. As with any life change, it starts with being positive. Be thankful that your husband has such a close friend. Many guys don't. Tell your husband the positive aspects of having his friend around and then explain that you need more private time together. Tell him that you are willing to lend a hand in pushing this friend out into reality a little more and helping him find dates. It sounds like his friend is seriously lacking in self confidence. Learn ways to help him overcome this. Share these things with your husband and maybe the both of you can help nurture him as you push him away just a little. There is a book/movie out there called "The Secret". Go find a copy and put the movie in while the friend is over. It will not only help you get what you want, but it might clue him in a little as well. It's a very positive movie about getting the life that you want. It just might get him and your husband thinking...
Good luck :)
2007-05-03 18:04:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your husband needs to understand it is rude to invite a friend to accompany you to your grandparents' home. You were invited, the friend was not. There may not be a way to stop this behavior entirely, but the two of you do need to reach some sort of compromise. It sounds odd to me, almost like he is afraid to be alone with you. It is important that you establish some boundaries. I don't think you are going to like this, but I suggest you both go for a couple sessions of counseling.
2016-04-01 07:47:38 · answer #2 · answered by Amie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew this going in to the marriage.If you try to come between their friendship it won't be good for you.He just might pick his friend over you.Leave it alone his friend will eventually fade away.Don't understand something if you have already been with your husband for 5 years why the need to be alone with him.Don't you work and if you do don't you talk to women from your job.Ask some of your co-worker to go out with you,who knows maybe one of them could become a good friend to you just like your husbands friend.
2007-05-03 17:24:38 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. Been there done that kinda thing. Here's my advice. Sit hubby down and tell him that Saturday's belong to just You from now on. His best friend can come over and they can hang out on friday night or all day Sunday watching sports but Saturday belongs to you. Stress this to him and tell him how important it is to you. Tell him that you honestly like his friend and are not trying to come between their friendship but that you would love to be able to do things with just him. Also, if you've got any available girlfriends, start match making!
2007-05-03 17:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by sweettarra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lol...join the club! I call my hubby's friend his boyfriend because I don't think they can go more than a few hours without speaking to one another. How old is your husband? From what I understand they do eventually outgrow this behaviour. Maybe that's just wishful thinking?
2007-05-03 17:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to put this spin on your mess, but has it occurred to you that your husband's best friend is not going to get a gf? That perhaps your hubby's bf is in love with him? I am not implying or suggesting that anything is going on, but it would seem that your hubby's best friend regards your husband as more than a best friend, otherwise he would be out seeking a woman. .... this happens often, and your husband may be well aware of it. good luck
2007-05-03 17:07:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You could solve this problem real fast.....Start showing more attention to the friend more than you do your husband. Sit by him alot , hug him , and be flirty!!! Tell your husband what a neat guy he really is ....infact talk about the friend alot. Just pay so much attention to him that it drives your husband crazy! Maybe then he won't have him around so much??? Good Luck
2007-05-03 17:17:02 · answer #7 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My friend excludes me from outings with my other friend?
2017-02-06 00:34:07 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what the heck man your husband is not leaving you home he brings you with him. OK OK what you have to do is to fix him up with one of your g/fs. then bet he wont come a round that off-en
2007-05-03 17:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to discuss this issue with your husband, not strangers on the Internet. You can also try setting his friend up with one of your girlfriends with similar interests....or really big funbags.
2007-05-03 17:03:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋