What the heck is wrong with me?

Question

I've never had a good friend or a girlfriend, and I'm 20 years old. I've lived in the same house my whole life, still going to college. I used to be painfully shy, but now since I started working in December I'm less shy. But my problems persist. I went on a date after Christmas, but the girl who initially liked me, ended up not liking me, because I didn't know how to talk to her like someone I wanted as a girlfriend. I always do this. I don't let people close to me. How do I? This burns me up inside, and makes me sad. I want to change but I don't know how...

pretty screwed up huh?

Answer 1

nothing in wrong with you
heck, i know some people who havent had a decent relationship till they were 30!!!
but yea, i understand how that could be a bit akward...
you should travel
new places, people, things
trust me, this is probably the best thing to do, putting your condition, status and age into thought
GO FOR IT FOOL!!!
ILL BE CHEERING YOU ON!!!

Answer 2

Maybe ... just maybe ... focus a little more on what really interests you. You're 20 years old and for some of us it takes a little longer to develop true interests that can connect us with others. It won't happen overnight, or even in a couple of weeks. It's called "experience" and no, I'm not intending to condescend to you. It's just a concept that so many people seem to recognize within themselves and take for granted. If you don't know who and what you really are it makes it most difficult for others to identify with you. There may be barriers you've set up around you that even you aren't aware of. But ohters pick up on it pretty fast. The friends will come when you're ready to let them. The love life ... that as well, in due course. Pushing and wanting tends to repell rather than attract. Just be the best human being you can be and it will all fall into place.

Answer 3

Girls at 20 don't know what they want either - and women, in general, can be fickle and change their minds from one minute to the next. I can't explain this phenomenon - and I should probably be ashamed for admitting it. Nevertheless, hang in there.

One suggestion: hunt down some older women - just to break yourself into the dating scene. They don't have to be girlfriend, "bring home to mom" material - just someone to hang out with - go to her place and share some bottles of wine - socialize....make an older woman feel sexy and you'll have her in your back pocker. And by older I don't mean over 50 - I'm 30 and this would work for me.

Another suggestion - drink a little alcohol before your next social function (or on your next date) - don't go and become a giant *** or anything - but loosen your inhibitions and have fun!

:-)

Answer 4

I have kind of the same problem when I was a kid I would be afraid to talk to my best friend I was so shy I would never talk to strangers. I am now 20 also and work in retail and I can talk to customers, certain customers just make me have this feeling and I won't talk around them as much. I also think people are always talking behind my back and stuff when there not, its called "Social Phobia" I read it online somewhere maybe thats what you have.

Answer 5

No, it isn't. You're comparing yourself to others. Don't do that. Idealizing is not only the fastest way to disappointment but it can do very damaging things to self esteem and your belief in your abilities. You used to be shy. That's past tense you're using now. That means you know already that you're not shy, that being shy is a decision, and that you strongly believe in your abilities to outperform a past action. That's very good. That's the whole point of this life experience. You must realize that what and where you are is that way so that you can have a journey of progress and feel satisfied with each step along the way. You've already become less shy. That's good. Now your work obviously is to practice being romantic with women. Pretend to talk romantically with girls you have for friends. Squint at them like they're the most intriguing thing you've ever laid eyes on. Speak softly, and say things that are true, sweet, but still are meant. Your next work progressing up the confidence ladder which you're doing very well at is taking charge of the relationship. Girls like guys who aren't afraid to please them. Sometimes that means when you feel it's appropriate, pulling them close to you by the face, neck, or hips and kissing them. Or for more immediate purposes, simply making some form of contact with them. Touching their hand when they're talking to you or holding it for that matter, perhaps overcoming any fears that have to do with that. Telling them what is proper if ever they ask for advice, and more bluntly just being the one in charge for the most part. You're the protector so you'd better find a way that most suits your personal way of protecting and defending your love. Whether it be by learning a proper way to negotiate logic with people who may seem irrational, or to another way dissuade them from problems, all the way down to brute physical strength and working out. Affirm what it is you like about yourself and forget what you don't like. Doing that is the opposite of what you want, not to mention any girl that may like you may want. You'll get through this quickly when you realize your real work is to progress yourself past your prior life of shyness. When you eliminate the fears, you'll find the easiest and most comfortable thing ever to do is be in a room full of people or have a significant other who love and respect you for being your own person. You'll know you succeeded in your work for personal progress as this occurs. Until then it's sure to be a very fulfilling journey as you never lose sight of the goal. As your confidence skyrockets your ability to assert yourself to the life that you have envisioned for yourself will become more evident, and you'll be what you always wanted to be. When you combine what your love is with a need a service for the world there's no way great affluence could not come. It'll be something biblical for you I guarantee it. Stay focused and you'll see great amazement in what you're capable of.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. When I was in school I was painfully shy. And guys were like some alien life form for me.

Just keep working at it. Maybe even share with your next date that you are really shy and it's hard for you to talk to girls... I bet it will help.

Have faith in yourself. Everyone is shy to some degree... so you are not alone....

Answer 7

Keep trying.Its hard trying to make friends.It will get easier as you work at it.You said you were shy and haven`t really been out in the work world that long,go easy on your self.As far as talking to a girl ,be your self.Listen to what she has to say and find out what you have in common.Its easier to talk to someone when you like the same things.Good luck ,and relax.

Answer 8

There isn't anything wrong with you, you just need a little more experience around people. Join a volunteer group or something and participate and you will get exposure to people and learn how to communicate. There is nothing wrong with living at home and going to school, just try to get out more :)

Answer 9

I am the King of getting other people laid! I've gotten some pretty substandard guys dates, that by some miracle worked out. It has been a while though.

Answer 10

She probably only wanted to be close to you for just a couple of times a week... you know... SEX!!! At your age do not concern yourself with being in love. Just get out there and start having fun. I mean what the hell else are you suppose to do when your that age.