3rd DUI plus other stuff, so he will be gone, and even more gone, since I just filed for divorce. She is mad enough now, as it is. I told her at first he was on a business trip. Now what? He was fired too. Just keeps getting better. Now we have two houses in foreclosure. YIKES.
2007-05-03 15:49:38 · 19 answers · asked by Stella 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate to say this, but honesty is the best policy. My daughter is 6 and we're going through some stuff now, but I just tell her that everything will be fine and that she and I will stick together. I'd just tell her that daddy's got to go away for a while because he's working out a bad decision he made and that you're going to have a fun change of lifestyle! I did this with my daughter and we made our move to an apartment from our house an adventure. We love our new place. It's basically a chance to decorate again! What little girl doesn't love a new room? Good luck to the two of you. :)
2007-05-03 15:55:01 · answer #1 · answered by lll_JaGaLiCi0uS_lll 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth, she will grow up and remember that she can trust Mom. That will color your relationship with her for a very long time. Her dad is gone for a while so she must be able to trust you.
Don't make Daddy out to be a bad guy. That's still her daddy and you don't want to make her fearful or disrespectful of hm. Also, be careful what she hears others say about him. They can influence her thinking.
Respect her feelings that she is scared and needs you. Also realize that the move will be hard on her.
Have you reached out for social services to try to save a house for you to live in? You sound angry and rightfully so, Daddy failed both of his girls but right now, you have to push your anger to the back seat and handle your business, that is getting you both into safe, affordable housing.
Wishing you the best.
2007-05-03 16:01:46 · answer #2 · answered by TygerLily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her the truth in an age appropriate manner. If she's already mad, she may even be relieved that her daddy won't be around to cause any more problems. It's not to say that you should bad mouth your husband and encourage her to be pissed at him, just be honest and proceed with caution.
You could start by allowing her to express her anger. Not by acting out, but begin by asking her how she feels about her daddy. You could say that you love her daddy, but it's hard to love someone when they do things that aren't good or things that hurt your feelings. Be honest with her; tell her you told a fib about him being on a business trip because you didn't want to hurt her feelings and apologize to her. Explain to her that her daddy loves her, but the two of you aren't happy together. REASSURE HER THAT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.
Kids are very perceptive and stronger than we think. Respect her enough to tell her the truth. As she grows older, allow her to have her own opinions of him; never bad mouth him to her, she's half him and half you.
Good luck.
2007-05-03 16:34:26 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may need to get her into some counseling to help her through this. Although children are resilient, they some times need help understanding, and then being able to learn how to deal with all of this. She will do far better if she is placed into counseling so that she will be better able to cope with all that is changing in her world.
I say take her to a counselor because she is already angry at this time, any more news of his going to be gone is surely going to be devistating to her and she is going to need all the help that she can get. After all she is a child and not an adult who is able to process this the way it should be processed. All she knows is that her daddy isn't going to be there for her, and she LOVES her daddy no matter how he is. Daddy is so very important to her, and she is already having a difficult time dealing with this.
God bless you, I hope this helps you. You may also want to get help for your self as well, sounds as though you have a very full plate. I'm sorry!
2007-05-03 15:55:36 · answer #4 · answered by Cindy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you know thats really tough. If daddy cared enough about her enough, he would explain it from his side as well to get some support on your side. That way, the anger doesn't only lean to one side. Lying to her will probably make it harder, or worse even. And bottom line, love her with all you got. It won't be easy, but you as the parent are the only one that can get her through this tough time. best of luck...keep her close to your heart...you'll need each other.
2007-05-03 15:57:39 · answer #5 · answered by gotcha_224 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, lying to our children is never the right option. Tell he the truth and explain it the best that you can. Make sure that she gets regular visits with him and be there to answer all her questions. Sure, she will be hurt for a while, but the damage is done and nothing can change that now. Good Luck.
2007-05-03 15:56:01 · answer #6 · answered by lily_florance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, that sucks, especially for the little one ( not that it doesn't suck for you, because it does!). I somewhat understand, my parents got divorced when I was little too. Since she is so young, it would probably be harder to explain to her whats going on. You can either tell her how you feel and why this is happening or I guess you can continue telling her that hes on business trips and wont be back for a long time. Its hard.
2007-05-03 15:57:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lily L 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should simply sit her down for a talk, so she knows its important, n you should say exactly that - daddy's gonna be gone for a long time
then elaborate gently, easing in the fact that daddy wasnt good for the family, n that things werent working out, but try not to be too specific (itll only arise more questions)
theres nothing that can be done about her anger -
but, over a while i promise that she will forgive you...
it just takes time and patience
2007-05-03 15:55:15 · answer #8 · answered by Frank 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell her the truth. she deserves that. she needs someone in her life who is responsible and honest.
i know it's hard because she's so little ..to try and put things in words she will understand..but don't make excuses for her father because whether they understand or not, children can sense when someone's not dealing straight with them.
you don't need to explain all the financial stuff you're going through..that is scary to kids. but she needs to know that it was unhealthy for "dad" to live with you..that he needs to get help cause he drinks alcohol. and she needs to see you being strong and very present in her life - that you will not abandon her. you may need to leave the "door open" for when/if he gets visitation assuring her that only when he is behaving (not drinking) they could spend time together.
2007-05-03 16:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by shyanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should just tell her it might be a little hard but you can do it so she probably will be Little bad in school n stuff for like a week but tell her that shes gonna see daddy soon n i hope everything is gonna be alright G-D is with you
2007-05-03 15:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋