Why can't I ever see the positive in my life?

Question

I can't ever seem to see the positive in my life.

When I was married, I found fault with my husband because he was money-minded, controlling and abusive. I constantly tried to find ways to leave.

Now that I am divorced and gave him custody of our child (she is 15 on Saturday), I am worried about our daughter and he makes me feel guilty. He says what did I achieve by leaving him and being gone for 5 years.

I am alone and feel that I don't have anyone close to share my feelings with. It makes feel bad that I could not give my daughter the best also.

I just can't see anything positive in my life however it is at any moment.

Answer 1

Well, first off, be proud of yourself for leaving an abusive and controlling relationship. Most women would not be courageous enough to do that.

Now that you are on your own, what exactly do you want to do? Take a couple college classes? Find a new job? Learn a new skill? Find a new partner? You have to appreciate what you have, but also, try and do something that you've always wanted. Don't listen to what your ex-husband says. He is trying to make you angry and abuse you (even after the marriage is over.) Think about what YOU want. If you are happy, then good. If not, make small changes.

And I am not sure if your happy with your relationship with your daughter. But, is it possible to still have visitation rights?

If you do not have any friends or family to talk to, try joining a church, support group, or visiting a counselor/psychologist.

Answer 2

You seem depressed, you should try discussing your feelings with a therapist. Have you done anything to make your life positive or improve your situation? Maybe now you should try focusing on your daughter, she is becoming a young woman and is at the age where she needs guidance from a woman. Also if your husband was really abusive, maybe that wasn't the best environment to leave your child in. If he was abusive towards you what make you think he wasn't towards your daughter? Hopefully you'll get your life together and be able to set a positive example for her, so she wont follow in your footsteps.

Answer 3

First, find out if you have depression and do what is necessary if you do. Get counseling and join a support group. Sometimes it helps to see others that are less well off than yourself, so if you can do volunteer work, it may help. You were right to leave. He is still trying to control you, by making you feel guilty. If you mean you feel bed about not giving your daughter "stuff", don't worry. You gave her a good example, and if she knows you love her, it's OK. Hang in there.

Answer 4

It's important to know when things need to change so perhaps your negativity is there to protect you.

That said, if you see the positive, it doesn't mean you won't recognize when things are bad and they need to change.

Start small. Really enjoy a hot bath or shower - feel how warm it is on your skin and how your muscles relax. Really taste the food you eat and recognize how many people it took to get that food to you. Enjoy every bite. Feel the sunshine, listen to the rain, etc.

There's a book that may help called, "Present Moment, Wonderful Moment" by Thich Nhat Hanh and he talks about staying present and enjoying the moment.

You may also want to watch the movie, "The Secret" which discusses the Law of Attraction and how when we think positive, we draw more positive to us.

Answer 5

So you left a controlling, abusive, jerk!! What's so NEGATIVE about that? The one thing you did that wasn't so smart was let him have custody of your daughter, but hey; We ALL make mistakes. Have you tried a computer dating service, I hear they're pretty good. Stop being so down on yourself!! Leaving your husband was the right thing to do. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

The important thing is you are not alone. I also am a pessimist. (Or maybe just a realist.) I believe some people need it as a defensive mechanism. It can prevent you from taking unnecessary risks. When combined with depression, however, It can immobilize you. I would recommend seeing a doctor.

Answer 7

Double negatives become positives in math. In life the double negatives lead to harder times.

Answer 8

Matthew 6:25-34

Its about not worrying.

Whenever I am feeling depressed or discouraged, I read this. I also think, "Hey, Christ died for me. I get to live for him today. He has given me my life and what negative thing can I find to say about that?"

Acts 16:22-34

22The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. 23After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. 24Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks.

25About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. 26Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose. 27The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28But Paul shouted, "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!"

29The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?"

31They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household." 32Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. 33At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. 34The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole family.

When Paul was in prison, he still praised God. His focus was not on his surroundings and predicament, it was on God and in that he found joy. That's what I find joy in also.

End Note: I don't agree with some others that it was ok to divorce your husband. I'm not going to get all over your case about it, but I am against divorce. This coming from a teen who has friends with divorced parents and is a christian.

Answer 9

You have to much self pity and it is time you speak with someone immediately by calling the number below. Life is worth living.

Answer 10

This is not a personal attack on you,. But she is not your daughter,. you gave up custody on her,. you should feel guilty,. you ran out on both of them,. a parent should never leave their child,. no matter what,. Now, are you single,. would you like to date,. no,. just kidding,. just joking,. I have personal opinions,. but will keep them to myselves,. I don't want anything to come back to me,.