Would this bother you or am I over-reacting?

Question

My fiance works for the railroad. He calls me when he leaves for work, when he gets to the town he travels to, when he leaves there, and when he gets back home. (He works all different hours, on call). I recently found out he calls him mom every time too. It bothers me because why would he need to call her every time like he does me? He says it's because she wants to know he's okay and didn't get in a wreck or something but he calls me so if I didn't hear from him I would know and could tell her myself. I just think it's unneccesary. He says he's always been close with his mom but I think that's a little extreme. I'm close with my mom too but I don't call her every single day. I just feel like there should be some things that he only does for me... like I'm the only one he calls when he's going to and back from work. I just think it would be ridiculous to do once we get married especially. It's hard to explain because I don't really have a reason for why it bothers me but it does.

Your opinions are appreciated and please let me know if you think I'm over-reacting and should just let it go or not. Thanks.

Answer 1

I can see and understand why you would be concerned about this. But think of it this way, is it really something to cause a big fight over? Should it be a strain in your relationship if it is not causing anybody any harm? Now if he were calling her and not you then yes i would raise a stink, but since it seems he is trying to be considerate to his mother just as he is to you. If his relationship being too close to his mother is severely affecting your relationship to where it isnt functioning normally, it interferes with your relationship then i would call it a problem, but if hes just calling her to let her know that hes safe just as he is to you, and thats about it, i wouldnt fight it too much, i think it might cause more problems adressing this than just letting it go.

Answer 2

I'm a railroad wife ...its fun isn't it? lol
We all know what a dangerous job it is. Maybe he just knows how much his mother worries about him. He wants to let her know that he's okay. You guys are not married yet, he's making a transition from being a son, to being a husband. If anything, I'd say that he's showing what a caring person he is. Don't be jealous of his relationship with his mother. If he wasn't calling you I'd say it was a problem, but he is. Would you rather that he was insensitive to his mother? Think of how much you love your parents and how worried they would be if you had a dangerous job. He's just doing what he thinks is right. I'd let it go and be thankful that you have someone who is caring towards others. Working on the rr is a stressful lifestyle, I think all that traveling can make them feel out of touch. Encourage him to do whatever it takes to keep in touch with the people he loves. Good luck :)

Answer 3

I think it's great that he cares that much about what his mom thinks to call her so much. Keep in mind the phrase that says, "you can tell how a man will treat his wife based on how he treats his mother."

It's understandable that it bothers you because it seems that since he's an adult he really shouldn't have to call his mother THAT much to tell her he's okay. Maybe it's not him that's the problem. Maybe his mother is too over protective and if he doesn't call her, he gets a lot of "flack" about it or something.

At the same time, I don't think you should be mad at him about it, because it really doesn't seem that serious. I don't think it would be good to make him have a negative relationship with his mother or to let this ruin your relationship with him. Maybe he can talk to his mother and tell her that he'll call her and let her know he's okay, but not SO much and maybe you can also think of some other things that he can do just for you and no one else.

Answer 4

I could answer this one easily. If he's close to his mother and he wants to call her every second, you better respect that! If this is what the man you fell in love with comes with then you are very lucky. What if he was calling his ex?

I think it's so cute that they love eachother that much. First of all, it's such a different kind of love than the one you have with him, so how can you compare. He loves his mother as a mother, but he's in love with you as his woman. You can not be jealous of his mother.

You have asked the right person, because I have been married for 13 years and my husband and my mother in law have to talk everyday too. That's her whole life, her son and her daughter. How could I interfere with that. How would I feel, if over the years I was taking him away from her, telling him he's calling her too much and then she died. That's when the truth would really come out and that could cause major problems. Well, I would never let it happen in my marriage. I respect their relationship completely.

Answer 5

You have to understand that a mans mother is the first woman in his life that he learns to love and trust. A mother will always be there, but relationships come and go. A man that is brought up right just appreciates his mother for who she is and what she has done for him. My advice, do not try to compete with the mother. Get to know the person she is and maybe you will understand then why he loves he so much. I have been with my husband for 17yrs. and he is the biggest mommas boy I know. And yes, he calls her every single day. I left him and moved across the country and he followed me. I got my answer right then. I am the one that he loves and desires to be with. His mother is older and I realize now that his biggest fear is the fear of losing her. But I know in my heart that losing me would be even worse for him. The thing is that he has me with him and he knows that I am alright. The real reason that he calls her is to check up on her to make sure that she is still there and that she is OK. You're husband married you. He loves you, if he didn't he would still be living at home with mother, believe that. Encourage their relationship, don't challenge it. Hope this helps you and good luck.

Answer 6

You come across as a bit jealous in the way you are asking this question.
I understand what you are saying and a grown man shouldn't feel the need to ring his mum this much. Does she tend to like everything her own way. Cos it might just be your fiance keeping the peace instead of suffering the consequences.
I know that if I was in your situation I would feel the same way and A bit worried about how I would feel once we were married and he was still calling mummy all the time.
Talk to him about it so that you can get how you are feeling off your chest but then I suggest you just let it go as it will become a big problem that is just impossible to solve.

Answer 7

I believe your over reacting just a bit. It's okay that he calls his mom after all it's his mom for god's sake. Nobody can ever take the place of a mother or father. The love a child has for mom and dad will always be strong and no one not even a spouse could ever change that, and what would be the point? Arguements with your fiancee' for coming in between him and his mom. He shouldn't have to explain this to you because your his girl, he loves you unconditionally there's no competition here. Mom is not the other woman with whom he's cheating on you with right? She loves him too and will always worry about her son. Guys are always and will continue to be close to their moms just as girls are close to their daddy's that's a fact. Always support your man with his relationship with his mom instead of badgering him all the time with questions why??? Remember he loves YOU!!! I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Let me tell you now, don't put stress in the marriage that is not needed, you have better things to worry about. Him calling his mom is doing nothing to you or your relationship, if wants to call his mom let him; just be glade he's not calling anyone else. I must say you are over-reacting on this, it is not a concern you should be getting yourself worked up about or angry over. To tell you the truth, in a way it is a good thing that he calls his mom to tell her where he is about the day or night to ensure his safety, and not to be an ***, but why does he have to call you when he leaves and comes home, where are you!? Any ways, just let it go, like I said don't put stress where it is not needed because there will be many of other things that are gonna be in need to stress out over in years to come.

Answer 9

Some men are rather close to their mothers and so are some women. I've known many men that speak to their mother's on a dialy basis. He is trying to ease his mother's mind about his travels. You never know when the conversation you have is going to be your last. I used to talk to my mother EVERY day beginning about 6 months before she passed away and I'm forever grateful for that. Due to that, I was at peace when she passed away because I got to speak to her a few hours before she died (it was sudden) It could be that you are feeling a bit insecure about it and the fact that he is so close to his mom and you are not the ONLY one that he calls. When you are married to him you will see that he still maintains that connection to his mom. Nobody can change how you feel about it, but you can look at it from another angle because to every story there is one. When she is gone you're going to be grateful that he had that connection to her because he will feel a peace that not many people get when a loved one passes away. Just relax about it, it's going to be all right. You know that he loves you, you're wearing his ring and in his heart. It will all work itself out.

Answer 10

I think you are over-reacting. If he is good to his mother, this should be a great sign that he will be good to you too.

I am a 42 year old wife, and mother and I call my mom each time I travel the mountain road that is between home and my clients offices... She worries and I think it is easier to make her comfortable than to have her worry.

Dont let something like this get to you. Just be happy with what you have with him.