Should I be upset at my husband about this?

Question

I called him earlier today to ask if he would do chicken on the grill. He said sounds good. So he comes home, I leave the 2 boys with him (ages 4 and 15 mths) take the 3 girls to karate (ages 15, 13, and 11). I come home and he is irritated. The house was a mess and he blames me. I am here with the boys all day, the girls come home and it is utter chaos. Normally on karate nights, I have all the kids fed and we go and he doesn't have to do a whole lot. I am irritated because he had the nerve to complain about the 3 loads of folded clothes on the bed and the dirt from where the baby got in the plant. I had not had a chance to put away the clothes or clean the dirt. I didn't even get to eat today. Am I wrong to be irritated? I know he works hard all day but so do I. I try to have everything neat and tidy when he comes home but usually it does not work out that way. Five kids is a lot to deal with.

LOL he burnt the chicken and the rice.

Answer 1

I say....

don't be upset....get over being irritated...allow him to get over being irritated and talk about it...not in anger...but in a "let's fix this problem" kinda' way....if you begin the conversation while still angry...it will degrade and words might be spoken from both sides that have no real meaning...pride will be the only winner....

give it some time...let him know why you don't want to talk "right now"...let him think of some positive solutions as well....make an appointment to talk if that's what it takes...after the kids are in bed and you two have some alone time.....

don't let it go for days of course...just some little bit of time...maybe talk before bed...and don't go to bed angry....i know an old cliche....but....truly....words to live by....

any problem can be overcome...if anger can be set aside and a solution found together.....

sappy answer huh? but then you have 5 children...so there must be some good things about him, no?

Answer 2

I would be upset too. Being a mom is just as much of a job as working outside of the home. You may at some point want to sit down with him and work out a plan so things run more smoothly. Taking care of a home and the children requires teamwork. He can put away the clothes sometimes, or clean up the dirt from the plant. It won't hurt. He has to understand that his job does not end at work, he still has to be a parent like you do , all day everyday. You can enlist your older children to help with the housework too, because the burden should not be all on you. It will teach them responsibility and independence. Good luck.

Answer 3

Of course he blames you because it's your fault. You are the only authority figure in the house when he's not there and if you can't assign one load of folded laundry to each of your more than capable older children something is wrong. If they can do karate they can put clothes away.

If this is an isolated incident then forget about it, but if this is a reoccurring event then you should talk it over with him. Working outside the home has different stresses than working in the home. In the home has more of a laid back environment. Its not like you are going to get fired for three loads of folded laundry not put away and some spilled dirt resulting in not being able to pay the bills or buying food.

Answer 4

I'd say you definately have a good reason to be irritated. He helped make those kids too so he can help when he's home. I think someone needs to inform him what a hard, yet rewarding job being a mom can be. You go girl for doing what you do.

Answer 5

You have spoiled him. If he doesn't do it on a regular basis, he will complain about it when it has to be done. Being a stay at home mom - especially with 5 (!!!!) kids is the hardest job there is and nobody but the mom ever realizes it! Make him do it all one day a week every week and he will not complain about such petty things.

Answer 6

Don't be irritated just ask him if he wants to exchange places with you for a day? Or a week, you work and him take care of the kid's and clean the house!

Answer 7

You mean you don't sit around all day eating bon-bons.

I think it sounds like you both had a rough day. You just need to go and give him a big hug & kiss & tell him you love him. I didn't say apologize because that will happens naturally from both when & if you both feel like it. Just don't go to sleep dwelling on something that will not make a difference in the years to come. Life is to short.

Answer 8

Yes you should be upset. He should be willing to do something to help you out. I understand that you may not work, but still it is his house too.
I go through the same thing with my man, but once I don't cook for a couple of days and he accidently does not get his laundry done, he gets the hint. Sometimes you have to play the game to so they will understand.

Answer 9

he sounds like a bully and one of those controlling you better have my house clean and supper on the table when i get home kinda man.

for me that is not ok they should understand that work yes hard, raising kids and cleaning and cooking and everything else a stay at home mom has to do is just as hard if not harder

Answer 10

No you have every right to be upset at him. Your right it's not right for him to get mad when your at home taking care of the kids all day. He had no right to get mad and blame the mess on you. Ok so he works that's understandable but he has no right to get mad at you and blame you for the mess that your baby made when he was suppose to be watching him. Taking care of 5 kids is a lot and I don't blame you for getting irrated at him for being mad and blaming it on you when it's not your fault. You do your share of being a good wife and taking care of the kids. He had no right.