How can I get my relationship back to the way it was in the beginning?

Question

I spend more time getting angry then laughing with my soon to be wife. We have had sex 2 times in the past 6 months; believe me i have tried. She gained alot of weight, went from a 4 to a 10 in 1 year. I tried to help her get back on track, but that just back fired into I think she is fat and unattractive. I want to stop being so angry and let things roll off like in the beginnin...help wedding in 1 month.

Answer 1

if you think she is fat an unattractive you better not marry her.........go to anger management classes.....if she's gained weight and you are always angry it doesn't sound like either of you are happy about the upcoming nuptials....brides typically lose weight before a wedding.....best be a Man and postpone this disaster

Answer 2

what are you angry about? You haven't said. Are you mad at her for putting on weight? Do you feel like she's let herself go? Do you think she's done this on purpose or something?

She's not interested in sex because she feels bad about herself. Unlike guys, sex doesn't make women feel better about themselves. When women feel like they are unattractive, the prospect of getting naked or even partially naked in front of someone is very unappealing. Especially if they feel that this person thinks they are fat.She won't have the same interest in sex until she feels good about herself.

(read the April issue of Men's Health magazine. There is a great article about the female mind. It's worth the read!)

If you have expressed to her that you are dissatisfied with the way she looks, you can pretty much kiss your sex life good-bye until she starts to feel better about herself. She does not trust you. Without trust, you can forget sex.

You've been together for a year or more? That's the magic number. Married or not, most relationships break up in the 2nd or 3rd year. Why? Because the initial infatuation has worn off and reality has set in. Especially if you are living together. This is the real test of your commitment.

You are not yet married. If you don't think you can see past her weight and love the PERSON she is, then you'd better call the wedding off now. Marriage is for better or worse.That includes fat or thin.
And marriage means change. Things are NOT going to stay the same. Both of you will change, physically, mentally, spiritually...lots of ways. A mature marriage will allow for each of you to grow and change and still accept one another. It's necessary for a successful marriage.

You need to figure out what it is you're feeling. Are you really angry? Or are you dissapointed? Or scared. It might help to talk to a professional counselor. You might also think about pre-marital counseling. Some churches require it but also, you can do it outside of a religious organization. This might be something to consider.

Don't take your wife to be's weight gain personally. There could be lot's of reasons. Maybe she needs to have her thyroid checked. That much weight gain in a year could signal a sluggish thyroid.
But it could just be that she is content. A lot of couples put on weight early in the marriage. It's just a sign that they are happy.
She could also be going through some issues that she's not sharing with you. Instead of focusing on what's on the outside, why don't you try talking to her and see if she will share what's up.

At any rate, you need to decide now...if she stays at this weight or even gets heavier...can you live with that? If not, get out now. After the ceremony, it's a LOT harder.

Answer 3

Dude, welcome to my world. Ive had sex w/my wife 2x in the last 6 months also. And she is fine, she is young and hot and I have no interest. Same thing happened to me after a year with my first wife, but she gained like 30 pounds.
I didnt want to be mean but I told her a woman can have sex anytime w/anone but a man needs to be attracted
Now, I told her I love her with all my heart and my brain and heart are o.k w/your weigt but my di-k works with my vision. (they are wired together) And when my vision sees that fat--the dick doesnt work.
As you can tell Im not the most sensitive guy but it is what it is.
Listen man, I wish I can tell u its going to get better but it gets worse. There is nothing wrong with either of you except for the fact of being in love with the idea of being married.
You guys are not into each other no more-this relationship is played out. Maybe she is so stressed about marrying u she gained all this weight. Break up and be happy. I dont know of anybodys sex life getting better after marriage.
The second I am with a different girl I can all night. Go all night dude, while u have the chance. Its a lot harder to have that life once u plunge into this sexual nightmare they call marriage. Ill be seeing you soon after my great escape. Good Luck

Answer 4

Have you tried sit down with her and letting her know that you are worried with her weight gain. You and her must learn to talk and listen to each other. Actually both of you must "hear and understand" what is being said. Have you changed the way to treat her in the last 6 months. It doesn't always have to be about her, take a long look at yourself and ask yourself what are you doing different now. Maybe she is not getting the attention you were first giving her.

I think it is best to call off the wedding or go together to speak to a marriage counsler, minister or priest.

Good luck.

Answer 5

First I would look back and try to determine what caused this change in your wife to suddenly give up caring about how she looks. Many times these things can be suttle, other times very obvious. The other thing is to sit your wife down, and let her know that you feel like you are not able to understand what she is going thru(obviously something) and your not sure what you can do to give her what she needs to get thru it. Anger will not solve it, only make it worse. Maybe she is hiding something(health, or emotional) that she is not sure how to tell you about. You may even consider counseling individual, then together. going into a marriage with these types of issues already present sounds like a recipe for disaster. Is this how you want to start the rest of your life...? Think about it.

Answer 6

Let me ask you this -- did your soon to be wife gain weight from an illness, depression, or ? When did the weight gain occur? Are you constantly yelling at her about her weight?
Has she been seeking treatment, exercising, or dieting?

Imagine how she feels that you are saying these things. I am pretty sure she is already self conscious about her appearance and your critical remarks hurt her deeper to the bone. Instead of being so critical, have you considered being supportive? Do you two eat healthy? DO YOU eat healthy? Do you do physical activity? Have you asked her if she would be interested in joining you/joining some similar physical activity together?

Instead of being on her about her weight, BE there for her. Love her...and if you think her being "fat" is going to severely hamper your marriage, perhaps consider postponing your marriage and work on what is making her gain the weight in the first place.

Answer 7

Try talk to her about her, you and your future. Be honest. The sex, if she has gained weight, she probably does not feel sexy and doesn't want to be seen or touched. Try to be supportive and let her know that you care. If you trulty love her, let her know. She can lose the weight. But, you may never find another person like her. Don't lose her!! I think if you can get her to open up and talk, the wedding will be fine. Best wishes.

Answer 8

wow...I've gone through this...I was I guess you can call it angry...more disappointed...bcus she was so fit and then gained weight with first child....it was actually her saying she wanted help with it....but after a year I just accepted it...over the next twenty years she roller coastered always ending up bigger than before....it was very devastating for her and guess who else...myself...for those who think their partner is shallow for wanting their partner to be fit...there are so many reasons why than appearance....it destroys there self esteem....hinders activities with you and children...and over indulging is used to combat stresses that should be dealt with but are not and so one eats eats eats ..creating more issues on top of what the original reasons for eating are....The best way is make it a way of life...for example, nutrisystem, it cost less than your normal trip to grocery store...they provide food, they provide all the info...they have support groups if necessary...stick to it...exercises at your own pace if you want to loose more rapidly...I was losing to much at a time and had to up my caloric intake...but the most important thing about it , is you learn how to eat...what, when , how much....look into it..you both will be happy you did...good luck.

Answer 9

She probably has a bad complex about her new look and she really doesn't want you to see her new body now. Women can't handle her once beautiful body being anything but just that.That is quite a jump in one year and she probably thinking her wedding dress is going to look terrible etc.If she doesn't change her attitude and except herself like she is, on your wedding night,she will be changing in the dark.
I didn't write this --- did I?

Answer 10

It sounds like you're into your 5th year of marriage with a couple of kids but you haven't even tied the knot yet. Maybe you want to postpone the date and work on things.