Is forgiveness and forgiving someone always a process? I am trying to forgive a person who has disappointed me

Question

So many times in the past I want to forgive so that I can be free and move on with my life without this baggage....

Answer 1

I think sometimes it takes time to be able to forgive someone.
In the New Testament one of the Disciples asked Jesus how often they were to forgive someone. He answered "I tell you forgive them not 7 times but 77x7 times."
No matter how hard it is to forgive someone, sometimes it only hurts you more if you don't.

Answer 2

I'm sure many people are struggling to forgive those that have done them wrong but because we are human we end up making several failed attempts to forgive. It also depends on what you are trying to forgive someone for. Sometimes reminders in the environment are like tearing up old sores. It's a very difficult process. I'm convinced that some personalities even need some kind of therapy to be able to handle the pain maturely and change the reasoning that goes on in the head. So that when the pain pops up, as it always does, you have better strategies of how to handle it. Because honestly it's a process that seems difficult in the first stages. I have a quote from one of Oprah Winfrey's shows, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different". I don't know the original person who said this but i clung onto it when i saw it and even saved it on my cell phone. A week later I was back to square one. I then proceeded to try to justify my failure to allow to be helped by the saying. I started thinking that hope is very hard to kill, most cultures know this. Hope is what keeps people going on when the rest think there's no return. Its like/ is a survival mechanism now how can I go about it trying to get rid of hope. Many people know that even when you lose a loved one and all the evidence points to murder or that the loved one is deceased, as long as you didn't have a burial, a final good bye, you always belive that someday the person will come walking in. You can't tell when the pain is going to get a grip of you. But we should all keep trying those who want to.

Answer 3

It seems like this person may have disappointed you more than once. Perhaps the question you should ask yourself how many more times can you forgive someone? If it only happened once, forgiveness takes time and patience. It's a healing process when the betrayal is raw. I cannot tell you how long it will take to heal, some things never heal completely, but you do forgive over time.

If this person did this to you multiple times, you need to ask yourself if that is enough. If it is enough, why are you staying? You need to do what is best for you -- and it seems like you may have made up your mind to leave by your last statement "without this baggage."

Good luck to you in your decision. It is a hard choice.

Answer 4

You are correct. Forgiveness and forgiving is a process. When you have overcome your anger and fear you will be in a place you can choose to forgive and or be forgiven because it works two ways. You may even have gone through periods of great sadness and back to anger. Dig deep and learn to understand your motivation behind what holds you back. Until then, you will vacillate back and forth. Eventually you will decide to move on from this point for all the right reasons that are right and good for you despite what others may say or tell you. It's your process. Work it how you want to work it. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Forgiveness isn't just a state of mind, relaxing or forgetting, it's a technique, a mental process based on simple truths that must be thought of and become part of your basic understanding of people in general.

Here are the truths:

Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect.

You also make mistakes, you are not perfect.

But you can tell you are still a good person because you feel bad when you hurt someone...

If someone hurts you, then you have to tell them, preferably right away, but if you miss that chance, you can do it later on at your discretion. If someone is long gone there's no point in seeking them out simply to confront them. Holding in this hurt is the source of anger, guilt and depression.

If, once told, the person apologizes sincerely, then there's no reason not to forgive them. But if they refuse to admit quilt, or if the abuse continues it becomes your responsibility to get away from the abusive person, because the simple truth is, you can't fix people, nor can you force people to be nice to you, nor should you sacrifice your goals and passions to those of another on a different path.

Getting away from someone abusive is the only rational "punishment" or "revenge" you can expect in life, unless they are trying to kill you and you respond with appropriate self defense, or they have hurt you physically or contractually and you can have them arrested or take them to court.

And with forgiveness and hurt it often comes down to the fact that almost aways both person is partially to blame, either through naiveté or inaction, you could have done something else to avoid the situation. So along with forgiving others, forgiving yourself is of equal importance.

Answer 6

Yes, forgiving is always a process. Everything is always a process. How long it takes, or how hard it seems, however can be affected/determined by you.
As far as how it get through this process...the only advice I can give is to pray about it. This will help you to open up your mind, and especially your heart, to start to get over your hurt/hard feelings...or in this case your disappointment. As you let these strong feeling go, forgiveness will come.
If this person is aware of your disappointment in them, part of the heal ling process will probably include expressing these feelings to them as well as letting them express themselves.
I think that it is important to express forgiveness when it is granted, and than for the forgiver to resume behavior as it was before the transgression (as appropriate).

Answer 7

It is always a process yes. If this person has hurt you, you have lost trust with them and it is hard to forgive them because if they were to do it again it would just rip your heart out. This is normal and it can take years, months and even a lifetime in some peoples live's to forgive someone. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to forget what they did either so remember that.

Answer 8

Forgiveness isn't condoning what the person did. Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the hurt and the anger. When we make the choice not to forgive we are holding on to those feelings. There is a really cool quote that says it so well - "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you."

Answer 9

Forgiveness is more important for you than the person you are going to forgive. When you harbour feeling against a person you are not hurting them, only yourself........I bet most of the time people do not even know when they have done something to hurt us.
I found that I had too high expectations of other people and that once I realised that it was not up to someone else to live up to my expectations of them, but that only I had to live up to my own expectations and others kindness and friendship is a bonus in life, not an expectation then everything was easier.
How can someone disappoint you when you don't expect anything from them. Instead, everyday that someone does something nice, calls me, gives a gift, picks something up etc etc it is all a bonus.
It's hard to stay in this frame of mind, but it is very rewarding when you do.

Answer 10

It is for me. It's hard for me to completely let go of what happened. Yet I continually work at it. Why?

I realized when I forgive, I let myself out of a prison of hurt and anger. Forgiving someone is for ME, not the person I am forgiving. Many times they don't even know I'm hurt!

It's a process. Just keep at it.