i have a lot of controling people in my life both in my working life and personal life?

Question

these people are negitive and are only doing me harm and have turned people against me how can i get away from these people who never want to talk about past knowing full well they have hurt me and draged me down and how can i make sure i meet genuine people in the future which is hard when people have made you feel so bad and no qne wii lisen to me i would like a nice boyfriend and job no wants to know the truth or are bothered by it

Answer 1

Well Lucy that's a whole bag of bones in one question.

Good that you have recognised that you don't want this situation to continue. That is a positve thing and a brave thing to do when clearly you feel surrounded by people who are pushing you in directions you feel you don't want to go.

Keep with the thinking for yourself, but don't reject everything you hear out of hand because you feel there are ulterior motives going on which are not in your interest.

Without knowing how old you are it is difficult to give any solid advice, other than the obvious you need to find someone you can talk to and someone you can relate to.
If you are still at school/college try some of your teachers especially those who are teaching subjects you like.

If you have left school but are 16-20 ish can you get back into education to give you a positve lift?
Or if you don't want that have you tried the careers support at the job centre. Jobs may not be well paid to begin with but they can help you write your C.V. and begin the process of building your career.
If you indicate you have some ambition to 'improve' yourself even if you are unsure of the direction, you could seek work with a larger organisation that has training and career prospects.

Where family are concerned it is very difficult to provide any sort of advice without knowing what you mean by 'harm'
If this is in any way physical you can go to the police, you can also call child line if you are 18 or younger. Most councils also have an advice service for older people who are the subject of abuse.

Also look for organisations that have a positive aspect, is there a local youth group. Or see you local Vicar about the listening and support services offered by the Church, you do not have to be a Christian to get help and you wont be pressed into becoming one.

There is also the citizens advice bureau.
Hope that helps a little good luck to you.

Answer 2

Lucy...Don't take this as criticism, but as something to give some thought to. First, you sound unhappy, depressed and a little paranoid towards all other people. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. Don't take people's hurtful comments and not say anything to defend yourself. Ask people to explain comments that hurt you or you think are unfair.

You also need to change yourself. Your letter doesn't sound like you smile a lot. If you smile at someone, they will smile back at you. (It's contagious.) Compliment others, they will do it to you in return. Show interest in other people's lives, hobbies, etc. You will be starting to show others that you have a caring and friendly personality. You need to work on yourself to change and you will draw others toward you.

Please don't sit and feel sorry for yourself. We all do it one time or another, but it doesn't fix the problem. Try to join groups and meet new people. Volunteer in nursing homes. Our elderly love company and will think you are an angel. Try some of these things. I bet you will be a happier person. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Thats a good question. It sounds as though you have a lot on your mind and you are unhappy. I dont think there is an answer I could give that would just make your problem go away.

I just wanted to say that there are many very good people around. Answers is full of them, if you read other peoples problems you will see all the caring responses they get. I hope you find someone nice to talk to.

Answer 4

...they are only doing this to you because you allow it....you must stand up to them....the way i deal with this kind of thing is....i treat people the same way they treat me....i am not a negative person at all but what i do is...if someone is making me feel bad...then i turn it round and make them feel bad, if they are nice to me, then i'm nice back, if they are critical or negative, then so am i...i know it's the wrong way to go about it, but it's the only language they know....if these people are getting you down...why not consider changing your job by moving abroad, start fresh with new people around you, there's plenty of jobs all over the world that you could probably do....don't let these losers grind you down any more...make them feel the way you feel.....i can bet you that they will think twice about opening their mouths next time...you have to take a stand and get in their faces and give back what they give you....if you don't then it will continue

Answer 5

My sympathies to you. It is a bad situation that is very hard to get out of. Why people have to control you, I dont know, but they do! I tell myself that it is because they are insecure, and dont know how to live their lives they try to control you because they know they can. The answer is difficult, but Ive been advised to try to be strong, find a goal to aim for, learn to love yourself (ok thats not always easy due to the controlling people around you) teach yourself that you are an important person in your own right, what you think, what you want, and how you feel is as important as anyone else. Yes Im saying this, while trying to work on it myself. Good Luck to you. Hold in there, there will be people who do believe you and in you. Just remember, you are as important as anyone else. A lot of people put you down due to their own insecurities. Best wishes

Answer 6

Why don’t you try Being assertive is an honest and appropriate expression of one's feelings, opinions, and needs. Assertiveness is also often associated with positive self-esteem and a better self-image. Develop a value and belief system, which allows you to assert yourself. In other words, give yourself permission to be angry, to say "No," Resist giving into interruptions until you have completed your thoughts. (Instead, say - "Just a moment, I haven't finished.") When saying "No," be decisive. Explain why you are refusing but don’t be overly apologetic. Use "I want" or "I feel" statements. Acknowledge the other
person's situation or feelings followed by a statement in which
you stand up for your rights Use "I" language (this is especially useful for expressing negative feelings.) "I" language helps you focus your anger constructively and to be clear about your own feelings Listen and let people know you have heard what they said. Ask questions for clarification
Wish you luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I totally agree with mr and mrs. People control you because you let them. It's not easy to get out of that situation, i know. You have to have more self respect and dignity and build yourself up and just say to yourself - i don't like how these people are treating me and i'm not putting up with it anymore. And excuse my french but s** them. Rise above it darling, you're better than that and deserve better. Every human being does. Don't stand for it. The better you are as a person, the better people you'll attract. Good luck

Answer 8

Congratulations - you have already crossed the first hurdle and recognised that you are being controlled to a degree by certain people. People will only behave towards you in this way if you allow them to.... you have to learn to be more assertive. As your confidence grows people will notice and I have no doubt that you will meet other people. Set yourself goals and work towards them...one day at a time. Good luck - be proud, it took me many years of marriage to realise that I was being controlled and to gain the confidence to walk away! x

Answer 9

Your letting them , assert your boundarys with them . No one will listen to you because youir whinning and complaining .Your choosing to make it all a problem ive being througth much worse and its nothing youll be fine . Stop saying how people are doing this and that to you its acting like a victim .

Yes we dont care about your complaining .

Answer 10

get out more maybe change your job you are not a door mat and it is time you made some changes in your life stand up and be counted you can do it .it is true a change is as good as a rest good luck finding your life xx