I am getting married in aug and i was packing stuff in my fiance's room because were moving. I found a lot of old love notes and pics and things given to him by his ex. Do i haev the right to ask him to get ride of it since were getting married?
2007-05-03 10:01:09 · 15 answers · asked by Mommy to be of a little Boy! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, not really. As long as he's not pining over her, let him keep them. It was a time in his life he wants to remember. I have pictures of my ex, but they don't mean anything.
2007-05-03 10:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Clever_Cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not directly, verbally ask anything of him.
I would take the old love notes, place in a box, and present it to him, and leave the room, without saying a word. This would be to:
1. Remind him of their existance (he may have forgotten).
2. Let him know I am now aware of them.
3. Forces him to arrive at a decision, knowing that I am aware of the letters and that I will expect some reponse from him.
I would not be agressive about it. He needs to freely and willingly let go of his past. If he seems to want to cling on to them (for whatever reason), then you need to set down the law right then and there - until he resolves the former issues of his life, there will be no marriage. If he is open about this former galfriend and offers to get rid of the letters, then offer to go WITH HIM and together, you can get rid of the old gf's stuff (and toss in some old bf's stuff of yours, too - to be fair).
His reaction will speak volumns of his feelings toward you verses toward any old flames. Observe and "take notes", because if there is any hesitancy in him, then be forwarned that he may be one to 'wander' emotionally, and that can damage any permanent future with him.
050307 5:10
2007-05-03 18:11:01 · answer #2 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you do. Most women keep notes and things like that from exes. So why shouldn't men? It is just a rememberance thing. As long as you know that he loves you and doesn't want to be with her it shouldn't matter. My husband has notes from exes and a good luck charm from one of them. But it doesn't bother me because I know that they are just a good memory from the past that can bring a smile to his face. I am the present and the future and some notes and charms are not going to change that.
2007-05-03 17:11:45 · answer #3 · answered by small_town_gal_05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put all of it in a box and let him decide what to do with it. Don't make an issue out of it. Men are slobs and never clean up stuff anyway. I still have boxes sitting in the basement of my house that were moved there in 1971; never opened, yaddah. When I retire I will open them and sell everything on ebay so I can go to Romania.
2007-05-03 17:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are part of his past ask him if he wants to keep them and if so put them in a shoe box and put it in the garage. My hubby still has some from way back in the day but never really looks at them they are in the garage and every once in a while my kids find them and tease him about them. We have been married almost 27 years. To me it is not a big deal. He is married to me and I lucked out with a great guy.
2007-05-03 17:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by bubbles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can ask him to put them in the basement or in a storage locker. Dont you have things from your past? Hes not thinking about her since the two of you are getting married.
2007-05-03 17:21:28 · answer #6 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not ready to get married.
marriage is trust.
If he keeps it or not it doesn't matter. Is he reading them reminiscing, fantasizing,
if you don't know the answer don't get married cause you don't know him enough.
When you get married you should fully trusting and you should know he has only the eyes and heart for you.
good luck.
PS... If it bothers you ask him to get rid of it or convince you on why he should keep it. You relationship should not be one way. everyone is diff rent just because you don't keep memorabilia doesn't mean he shouldn't
2007-05-03 17:11:18 · answer #7 · answered by theman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely...y'all can't make a future if he's clinging to the past...there's most likely an innocent explanation, but there's no way that I would feel comfortable w/ my fiance holding onto that memorabilia
2007-05-03 17:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by Kquestion 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yes, if he still pining after her...and if that's the case, you should really think hard before you say "I do"
no, if it's the past....everyone has a right to have a past, let him keep his...you guys can even laugh about it.
2007-05-03 17:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by myohmymyohmy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring it up. If your fiance has unresolved issues about his ex, you need to know about it now.
2007-05-03 17:09:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋