How do u keep your mother in law and sister in law happy without losing the husband!?

Question

My sister in law and mother in law are the jealous type so they dont like it my husband pays more attention to me or if we dont include them in everything :( but he wont tolerate if i complain to him about them so what do i do to stop them troubling us and getting between us

Answer 1

If u r in a joint family it will b tougher to keep the balance b/w em all yet what u may do is

pay your mother in law compliments in front of your husband and get her little gifts on some occassions to show your husband u respect her , this may also make her like u better and same goes for the sister

if this doesnt work atleast u know your husband will stand for u if they try to turn him against u, knowing what u have been doing for tehm adn all the nice stuff etc

plus it would be better for u if u were living at a distance away from them that way u wouldnt have to involve them in everything and put up with them on a daily basis

Answer 2

Simply don't tell her that you are in labor until after the baby is born. There is no reason that a woman in labor needs to call and announce to everyone that the baby is coming. Keep it btw you and your husband until after it's all over. If that doesn't work out for some reason, the hospital staff will not allow anyone in the delivery room w/o your ok. L&D units are usually locked so she would need to be allowed in by the staff, she can't just walk in whenever she feels like it.

Answer 3

Honey, first of all...you married your husband, not his family. It is good to see that you still care about his family's feelings even though they may be causing chaos in your life but let's get this straight, their feelings are out of your control. Stop trying to make them happy. Just don't include them in EVERYTHING...simple as that. If they are mature enough, they will understand that their son/brother is your husband and you both need time together without them. It's both of your life, not there's. Don't feel bad for something that shouldn't have been like this to begin with. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

Don't complain about them. Complaining doesn't get anywhere. And is sound like your husband feels the same way.

Your husbands family needs to get over themselves. A man LEAVES his mother and a woman LEAVES her home and the two become ONE (a new family). Sounds like a few people in your family need to be reminded of that...including your husband.

If your husband is putting the needs of is sister and mother AHEAD of you, then you need to have a serious conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him how much you love his family (lie if you have to). Tell him one of the things you admire about him is how dedicated to family he is and you are so glad to be married to man that appreciates family. Then tell him that you understand he feels responsible for his sister and mother BUT, his first responsibility is to you, his wife. Once you get married, your spouse becomes the most important person in your life...even before kids. He needs to get a grip on that if he has not.

If that is not that case, and it's just them being pissy, then let them. That's their problem. If they get mad because your husband spends time with his own wife, then that is completely their problem and you should not let it bother you one bit.
Now, that being said, you might want to have a chat with your mother in law and sister in law....It is POSSIBLE that your husband is making promises to do things for them or spend time with them and then he changes his mind and blames it on YOU so he doesn't have to take the heat. This would not be unheard of.....If you have at least a tolerable relationship with them, you might want to have a talk with them about what has been going on and find out where they are coming from . It could be that their anger is misplaced and that there is some miscommunication going on. How funny would it be if he came home and found out the three of you had been chatting and now his butt was in a sling!!!!

Who's idea is it to " include them in everything"? And by everything do you mean decisions or dinner? Vacations or yard work. If, instead of rolling your eyes and whining when he suggests they be included, why don't you say something like "I'm missing my alone time with you, I'd like to "date" my husband without a chaparone tonight" If you try and approach it with a sense of humor, he might be more responsive.

Quick story: When my husband and I were first married, we lived 3 feet away from my mother in law (you could barely walk between the houses) She was always around and for the most part, I was okay with it.
One morning we were having "quality time" (if you get my drift) and she called on the phone. Well, of course, we didn't answer. When she couldn't get us on the phone, she came out onto her porch which happened to butt right up to our bathroom window.....which happened to be across the hall from our bedroom...(you see where this is going). She started shouting my husbands name into the window.
Needless to say that was a bit distracting to him. He got a little...shall we say...ticked off! He got up (naked) and started hollering at her "I didn't answer the phone because I'm having SEX with my wife!". Well, that was enough for her!
And she never did anything like that again!
(he did apologize for yelling at her. And she did apologize for bothering us)
Maybe you need a moment like that to have it sink in?

Answer 5

It's hard- almost impossible, really- to keep everyone happy.

I guess I'd say have time with your husband, and try to see you in-laws occasionally. Talk it over with them and try to make them understand that you need time alone with him, although you care for them a lot.

If you continue to feel like the ham in the middle of the sandwich, you will be really stressed out....So keep your priorities clear: First, your husband. Then, the in-laws.
Good luck...

Answer 6

He has to draw the line.He is married now and you are the person in his life. And some advice for him . GROW UP, MOMMA'S BOY.I suppose you want to live in a 2 family house so you all can be together under the same roof

Answer 7

Tell him that you are is family now and you come first! If he doesn't deal with you having issues with them you will one day have enough and leave him over it! I think he needs to learn how to tolerate you when he subjects you to these two meddling women that don't get their own life. I would not put up with any of them controlling my life.

Answer 8

You shouldn't have to please the i n-laws. That is BS. You are married to him and not his sister or mother. You need to do what makes him happy. Love and be with him. If making them happy is what your marriage is based on then you might as well call it D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D. You eventually get tired of doing it. I hope you don't to it. I won't.

Answer 9

so he pays more attention to you (as he should). he doesn't like it when you complain (understandably). appreciate it that your husband is still putting you first. take it and relish it. once the two of them get a man to pork.....their need for your husband's attention will be less important to them. you don't go to bed with them at night. your husband doesn't go to bed with them at night (i sure hope not anyway). what they want or what they like is of no concern to you.

Answer 10

Your question bought back my past memories.
I was in the similar situation, and the only thing to make them and my husband happy and keep peace in the house was to become a slave to his mother and his sister and it was a joint family we all lived in the same house.
I was nothing but a slave, cook, clean, do laundr etc, all household chores, I was on my feet 24 hours, inspite of all the things, yet it was never enough and the day it was a little less then they would make faces and complain to my husband and he would not talk to me, "SO" I was always trying to kiss their ***, but then it came to a point that I got tired and burnt out, whose fault? who do I blame?
Do you think they appreciated? or let me live happily?
It was day to day struggle for me, felt as if they had a gun on my head, she always tried to find fault and break us up, after 12 long years also she never gave up, and finally did what she wanted for so long, and gave my husband an option to choose her or me.
Ofcourse he had to prove it to her and to the world that you can have as many women in your life, but mother? you have only one.
So! to prove his point he chose his mother.
My personal adive to you is, PLEASE stand up for yourself, you have married one person and thats him, your responsibility is just him and nobody else.
Both of you should remember that neither your family or his family comes in your marriage.
Marriage is two peoples bond and commitment, NO third person, period.
"IF" you let them walk over you today, then it will become their habit and they will be like a threat to you.
Put your foot down, do whatever it takes, but don't give in, move out of state, away from them, out of their reach.
My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my prayers, have courage and faith in yourself.