In the good ol' days folks would get married before they decided to have a child. Why is it socially acceptable now?
2007-05-03 08:29:14 · 37 answers · asked by Renee B 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
OK, maybe in my haste I didn't quite type in what I wanted to............ I know there is sex before marriage. I know surprises happen! I guess my concern is TTC or Planning a pregnancy before marriage.
2007-05-03 08:41:22 · update #1
It really does not matter to me what individuals do, I was thinking as a whole.
As a parent I feel that either I am not expressing my morals to my children, or the examples have been so bad that they refuse to listen, because of what they see, and we all know actions speak lounder than words!
2007-05-03 08:52:26 · update #2
I did not mean to start fights! I just feel it is a huge problem. People seem to think nothing is forever, and it is easier to seperate if there was no "paper" to prove their love. It may be a peice of paper, but it is also a binding contract to show everyone else in the world you are committed to each other, that you love each other, and that NOTHING will come between you.
2007-05-03 09:04:57 · update #3
You know, I've always wondered the exact same thing. Funny how now it's cute and normal if some star and her fiance/boyfriend are expecting a baby. Same way everyone turns a blind eye while underage Lindsay Lohan gets drunk every night, I guess.
Because in this society, anything goes. Literally. Nothing that used to be shameful or shocking is so anymore. I once looked at a group on MySpace for pregnant teen girls. 99 percent of them were proud of it, from what they said! I was shocked.
People are so into tolerance that they go off the deep end. What happened to decency, respect, modesty, patience, and all those other archaic ideas?
p.s. In response to Jessica Repak: Yes, it's always happened and always will because people never learn, but it didn't used to be OK, or even something to be proud and happy about!
p.p.s. And may I also say to a lot of you on here, marriage is NOT a 'piece of paper'! That's merely the physical proof of the serious and (supposedly) long-lasting commitment you and your spouse made before God and man.
I just don't understand the point of short term relationships. "Gee, I think I'll have some fun for a few months and then inflict pain on myself with a painful breakup! That sounds great!" WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY would you want to spend time with or even have sex/a baby with someone who you thought MIGHT LEAVE YOU LATER?!?!?!? Where is the LOGIC people!!
LOVE IS NOT A FEELING. IT'S AN ACTION.
2007-05-03 08:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by queenbee0889 4 · 5⤊ 8⤋
In the good ol' days, like when my grandparents got married, they actually got married because they were pregnant. Both my mothers parents and my fathers parents, as a matter of fact, got married because they were pregnant. Then everyone pretended like they got pregnant on the honeymoon or something.
The "good ol' days" are just an illusion. A pretend world made by our grandparents so that they didn't have to admit that they weren't as "good" as they wanted to be. These days we just don't do the pretending anymore. Human nature has not changed that much, there was always premarital sex, and like all sex, sometimes it resulted in pregnancy. The only difference between now and then is that we no longer feel pressured to marry just because we are pregnant.
In anycase, that ceremony and certificate don't really mean anything anymore. Take, for example, Brittney Spears' 48 hour long marriage. They were married, would that have made it right for them to have a child? A marriage is not the ceremony and the certificate, a marriage is a commitment between two people. Often, people sign the certificate and have the ceremony when no commitment is actuallyt there. Other people make that commitment in their hearts, but never sign a certificate and have a ceremony. Is their commitment any less valid because they didn't sign a piece of paper? Is commitment supposed to appear because you sign a piece of paper?
A marriage is something inside our souls, who are you to judge whether someone has done it "the right way" or not?
2007-05-03 08:51:45 · answer #2 · answered by kittiesandsparklelythings 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got pregnant before marriage. Do I wish I was married first Yes. We planned our wedding Bought almost everything and sent out Save The Date Cards for September 14 2006. We'll on May 24 2006 I found out I was pregnant. I had terrible morning sickness so we decided to postpone the wedding. Some people suggested we go to the court house and marry quickly. I am not ashamed of my daughter and the way she was brought into this world. I am now working on getting down to my prepregnancy size to fit in my dress. We are talking about getting married this fall. We have been togeather 4 years and we live togeather, so It wasnt like I had a baby by any ol person. It wasnt a planned pregnancy. I got pregnant on the pill but I see my daughter as a blessing. My family is old fashioned and they all got married before they had babies but they also all got married young like my mom at 15 and my grandmother at 16 and my mom had me at 15 and they struggled. I am 22 and I have my LPN liscence and my fiancee is 33 and he served 11 years in the army and has a good salary at his job which allows me to be a stay at home mommy. Are we bad parents because we didnt get married first? Would it have been better if I said I have to have an abortion because it isnt socially acceptable to bring a child into the world before marriage? Wake up the world is changing. Back then it wasnt socially acceptable for men to marry men or women to marry women and I think its Great. Its none of my buisness and sorry to be blunt this isnt any of your buisness either. How does it effect you? You live your life the way you want and we will too.
2007-05-03 08:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by Mom to Isobelle 2, & Gavyn 8mths 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because you no longer have to get married to have sex or raise children. Because they don't want to get married or don't believe in marriage.
And, "the good ol' days" are a nostalgia trap. Statistics indicated that 2/3 of colonial women (this is "American" women prior to the 1770s) were pregnant when they walked down the aisle to get married. People were just as likely to have sex before marriage then as they are now. The myth of the virgin bride is just that - a myth. Further, studies have confirmed that even people in our grandparents generation, to so-called "greatest" generation, had premarital sex. In fact, most of our grandparents (and some of our parents) got married because they had to - the social stigma attached to unmarried childbearing was too great to bear and so they went the easy way out and became trapped in marriages they didn't want. This also helps to explain why the divorce rate increased exponentially when people finally figured out that they didn't have to get married due to an unintended pregnancy.
Married people are not necessarily any better at raising children simply because they are married. A single parent with the appropriate support can be a better parent than a married couple.
You should marry because you are in love with that person and want to make a life-long commitment to them and to the relationship you share with them. You should not get married simply because it's expected of you, it's the right time in the relationship, all of your friends are getting married, you want to have sex, or you want to have children.
And thank goodness it's socially acceptable now! Would you really want it to be the way it once was where someone from a single parent home was guaranteed to never be able to have a decent life simply because self-righteous idiots decided they were somehow inferior because their parents aren't married? The label "bastard" used to mean very negative things for anyone unfortunate enough to be branded with it at birth. We no longer have this stigma, and I, for one, am thankful for that. It means that Women and their children have more equal opportunities to secure education and financial stability than in the past. This is a very good thing and it means that less children are living in poverty today than in the "good ol' days" of the 1950s and 1960s. The so-called "Leave it to Beaver" model is a harmful stereotype and we are thankfully finally evolving beyond it.
Why would anyone long for a return to a time when one group of people were purposefully kept unequal to others based on self-righteousness?
Peace,
Jenn
2007-05-03 08:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by jenn_smithson 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Times change. I'm expecting in a month and not married. I consider my baby's father my fiance, but we're in no rush. And please don't think I'm some uneducated immigrant. I finished 4 years at one of America's top colleges and I was born and raised in this country. My fiance and I live comfortably, without government aid and want only the best for our child. Why no marriage certificate? Because a piece of paper does not result in wonderful parents or a house full of love. We'd rather spend our money on our baby first, then get married when we feel like it. We're happy, excited, and absolutely in love. We've been together for 7 years and don't need a piece of paper to justify our relationship. We have joint bank accounts, stocks, and mutual funds, so yes, in a way we are legally bound to each other. No rush for that paper yet. Personally, I don't understand why a piece of paper would make a couple better parents! Can you please tell me your reasoning?
2007-05-03 08:40:42 · answer #5 · answered by keonli 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
What good ol' days? In American Colonial times it was commoner for the first child of a marriage to be born less than 9 months after the marriage than for it to be born later than that. That's history.
A significant question might be "Can anyone explain why people don't get married before they co-habit? ... that's what was done in the good ol' days.
Pregnancy was a mutual proof of fertility. If a couple was infertile there was no need for the legal protection of marriage for protection of offspring.
2007-05-03 15:47:48 · answer #6 · answered by h_brida 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY GET MARRIED JUST TO GET DIVORCED??? let me tell you i am 7 months pregnant and my boyfriend and i are very happy.. i am tired of people and their holier than thou attitudes towards pregnancy without marriage. the only reason some people ask this to be understood is A. if they have been married and divorced or B. they arent happy in their marriage so they have to find comfort in stirring up an issue they know they cand find comfort in disagreeing with.
everyone has there opinion but i stand strong on mine why ruin a good thing by signing a piece of paper and you dont need that paper to show you are committed to one and other!!!!!
some people in this world actually love each other that much to stay comitted for life. so get over it.
2007-05-03 12:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by proud mommy to be 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I hadn't met my Hus when I did, I probably would have had a child without being married because I was getting older and wanted to have a baby, with or without a husband. I had already set up a time line. Most of the time these days, you can't count on the men to stick around anyway. I'm just glad I found a really good man in time.
I don't know, but did you know the government taxes them more if they get married. That really encourages morals in the US, doesn't it.
2007-05-03 08:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
In the 'good ole days' lots of things were different. If you believe that you should be married, then get married first!
I was raised that way, but then, as most young adults do, i had sex and i got pregnant. To me there was no other option. I would not change my past for anything, bc then I would not have my Ariel! No one is perfect, at least they are having the children and not getting an abortion!
2007-05-03 08:38:01 · answer #9 · answered by Hot Momma 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
because most of the time its someone under the age of 18 that gets pregnant and they are not able to get married until they are 18 !! and divorce is too expensive to get married just because of a child. not many people do the first comes love then comes marriage then a baby in a baby carriage anymore. they just have sex and end up pregnant unplanned.. the ones that are planned probably are married and if they are not then they love each other so much that they do not need papers saying they are married to keep a child happy and healthy!!
2007-05-03 08:38:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Although I got married first, and planned my pregnancy second, I imagine there are many reasons for this phenomena.
1. OOPS! Enough said.
2. They don't believe in the institute of marriage. Some feel that while they are committed to their partner, they don't need a piece of paper to prove it.
3. As scary as it may be...some may get pregnant to force their partner into marrying them.
4. They may be already engaged, or otherwise planning to marry, and feel that there is no need to attempt to prevent conception.
5. Religion reasons against contraception (although I imagine the same religion would be against pre-marital sex).
2007-05-03 08:36:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋