After accidentaly finding out about my bf's bisexuality i learned his now decessed wife was also shocked by it. so i guess he was fooling around with men for the first 10 years of their relationship. she did get mad but later joined in the lifestyle. what are the chances that he is not particpating in this type of sexual behavior, especially given the several men he has donethis with with are friends of his for 30 years now and they still see each other frequently. he tells me he does not partake in this activity anymore, but i can not understand how someone who was so into it can just shut it off. advice?
2007-05-03 07:41:32 · 7 answers · asked by partly cloudy 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Let's see...he is in his 50's or more, doesn't have the urges he had earlier in life, and perhaps has worked it out. On the "gay" side, it is very common to make friends of ex-tricks..no big deal, and often, once they are a friend, they are no longer a candidate for a sexual partner...for many. If he says he is not playing around, you have no evidence to think otherwise, why are you worried now? And it is for sure that another woman is NOT going to snag your man. I guess the real bottom line here is: If you are sexually happy, are maritally happy, then what is the big deal even if he were having occasional encounters???? they are meaningless play, are not threatening as long as he plays safe, and provide an occasional safety valve outlet if the pressures get too strong. I am not saying it is happening, but giving you the worst case scenario...This activity has not entered into your relationship, has not bothered your relationship, and will not bother your relationship. There is NO possibility of his leaving you for someone else. Not gonna happen. So you must decide if, in the worst scenario, it is doable. But, I will remind you, he has little to lose by telling you the truth at this point. He may well have already done that. There is no reason to suspect otherwise. AND, this is MUCH more common than you have been led to believe..if I had to guess, I would come up with a number of at least 35% of your friend's husbands have done the same thing at one time or another..they just don't know about it. And, in fact, you are safer in knowing...IF he is venting occasionally, it would be far better to have a "phuck buddy" (please excuse the language, I just don't know what else to call it) who is a semi regular, is known to be std free, and doesn't try to latch onto him...in reality, whether you can accept this or not, it is no big deal to your marriage. good luck
2007-05-03 08:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean they have to be a cheater. I know plenty of people who are bisexual and they are 100% satisfied with the person they are with because they enjoy both sexes equally. When they are with a man they are happy and stay monogamous and vice versa. When someone is into the 'swinger' lifestyle or wants an 'open relationship', it needs to be OK with both of the people in the relationship. If he did this sort of stuff behind his deceased wife's back, than he's just a cheater and I wouldn't trust him. Honestly, I don't think people change all that much when it comes to that stuff, especially if it's something they have done for YEARS and they are an 'older' person.
It is always possible he just got tired of it and doesn't feel like it anymore. Possible, but not probable. Some people can't shut off their feelings but they can change their actions. Sometimes I worry that someone like that may actually be a bit more on the gay side rather than bisexual. I only say that because he had done it against his wife's wishes for the first 10 years. If you're happy with this guy, than let it go. If it bugs you that much, you may have to get out of the relationship because you'll never fully trust him or hold a resentment.
2007-05-03 07:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by Pico 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he truly is in-love with you, then it's possible that he has given up men. As a lesbian, I have dated bisexual girls who gave up men completely to be with me. But she also didn't hang around them, either! If you ask him to be friends with people who just want friendship and heven't had sex with him, he'll say you don't trust him. But it's unfair to YOU because exes do not make good friends no matter what anyone says. Exes have an intimate past and the best people can weaken when tempted without ever intending to. Best way to avoid a possible bad situation is to not have opportunities for them to happen. Your man should respect your relationship and not hang out with people where there's a sexual element.
2007-05-03 07:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advice hmmm, well if you don't trust him, then he could be cheating and you're just putting the pieces together so that it now makes sense, so that could be it. He could also finally be monogamous, who knows.
I say talk to him, ask him to be honest. If he is cheating on you, you may wish to ask him to stop, or draw up a new contract that outlines what he's allowed to do outside of marriage, and also detailing the type of protection he must use so as not to bring anything home.
2007-05-03 08:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Luis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a lesbian point of view, I do not believe the desires for him to be with men will ever truely fade. You see, people who are curious will be able to physically attempt to answer their own seeking once or twice and then make a decision. If he continued to do this to his wife for 10 years, he will not stop. It's not in the mental nature to give up something that pleases the mind, body and spirit.
2007-05-03 07:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by theslam2005 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Make him wear a rubber, cause most likely he's hitting that a.ss.
2007-05-03 07:44:58 · answer #6 · answered by Local Celebrity 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
video tape him........i would.
2007-05-03 07:44:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋