Husband considering divorce. Any advice PLEASE???!!!?

Question

We've been married for almost 6 years and have one 2 year old daughter. I'll admit our first year was more than rocky. Getting used to each other was tough because we had never lived together. The last couple of years have been the best of my life. My husband is a successful business owner, we moved into a brand new home and I am a stay at home mom to our baby. I've been happy...extremely happy. After an argument over something very petty yesterday he decided to say that he may not want to be married anymore. He said he's not sure. He wants to go to counseling. I am devastated. This came as a huge shock to me. How do I go through each wondering if today he'll decide to end things? I feel like I'm in limbo and that I can barely function because I don't know if I have a marriage or not. He said I need to relax and we will work through it. How can I relax if our marriage is potentially ending? I called a lawyer for advice but I don't even believe in divorce. I love him.

Answer 1

Do the counselling. Maybe he has issues that he cant talk to you about without guidance. I mean at least he wants to work on things. try not to think of each day as the day he will end it. Think of each day as the day you try harder and make it work.

Answer 2

I think counseling could be a big help.


It could be that there are other things going on in his life that you are not aware of or he could be using divorce as a power play because of the argument.

IMO....this happened after a petty argument and sounds like a power play. It also sounds as if you are in a pretty vulnerable position with all the new changes and your daughter. You are off balance right now, wondering and worrying and he knows this. He may let this continue because it gives him control.

Does he mean that "you" will work it through when you have to agree with him during arguments? or is this with the help of a therapist?

I'd say that you should consult an attorney to discuss custody and property issues in case of a divorce so that you are well informed of your rights. Find a marriage counselor, and start therapy and find out what these issues are and go from there and see if the marriage will survive.

Answer 3

Okay, take a deep breath. You've been knocked of your horse, but you don't have to stay down. I think you should grab hold of his suggestion to go to marriage counseling. And in counseling you need to make it clear how blind sided you were by all of this. Have him tell you what's going on here. I don't want to plant things in your mind, but it could be that he's noticing other women with whom he either works or sees through work. He may be having second thoughts because he's tempted. Don't let him wimp out on his vows. Hold him to the counseling idea and have an objective third person help you iron out the real problems (not my imaginary ones).

Don't give up just yet. You may have made the wrong call. Instead of calling a lawyer you should have called a marriage counselor. Don't live in limbo, get active and start the therapy ball rolling.

Best of luck to you!!

Answer 4

You need to calmly look at things and DO NOT run off to a divorce lawyer. You and your husband had an argument, he said something hurtful. The important thing that he said was that he wanted to work on the marriage by going to counseling. That does not mean that he stopped loving you -- because if he did he would have just walked out on you, no argument, no couseling, just gone. You need to go with him to counseling and make a real effort in order to have the counseling work.

While you may have been happy being at home, your husband may have been under tremendous pressures with his work. It is not easy to be a business owner in today's economy. He may be at a point where he needs more from you than being a 'stay at home mom', like being a partner. He may have hesitated to talk to you about his needs because of things like you not being able to function when just thinking about divorce. As a business owner myself, the absolute last thing I want to come home to when I have problems at work is a spouse who is do dependant on me that I cannot vent without hurting feelings.

As for wondering if he will decide to end things, that is the potential for every marriage. It is the chance we take when we marry. Stay away from the divorce lawyers, their job is to get you a divorce, not to keep your marriage together. The counselor will help you keep your marriage together, go with your husband, work with the counselor -- it will help.

Answer 5

Communication is everything. Counseling is necessary when two people are unable to communicate with each other. Is this the case? Do you openly discuss issues with him.....does he with you? Do you try to hide things from him in hopes that if he is not aware of things...he won't be upset with you? How can you be so happy and not have a clue as to how he feels? Perhaps he withholds his feelings from you. A lot of men are still hung up on not revealing their "feelings". There could be another possibility though.....he may have cheated on you or found someone else. He may be looking for a way out of the marriage without revealing that to you. Only you know how much trust you have in each other. My advise to you is to find a baby sitter for your two year old and you and your husband get some quiet time together. Begin the conversation knowing that resolving your differences begins with honesty, compassion and remembering the reason you first fell in love. Talk to him with a commitment that the truth must be told and that no matter what that truth is...neither one of you will allow anger or any other negative emotion interfere with your communicating. A counselor may be useful, but only if you "can't" open up to each other on your own and only if you "still" love each other. When it comes to marriage, that's all that really matters in the end.

Answer 6

It sounds as if he may have over reacted to this petty fight. I see that you've been very happy but has he?? I think its a positive thing that hes asked for counseling rather then just saying its over. I would definalty go to a marriage counslor and perhaps try to rekindle the romance between the two of you. Get a babysitter for the baby and plan a romantic night with just the 2 of you. Have a heart to heart about what is important to the both of you. Do not just sit at home all day stewing and stressing over this and pounce on him when he walks through the door or you will just push him away. Good luck to you!!

Answer 7

Why are you seriously considering divorcing him? Has he been abusive? Unfaithful? Or are you simply bored with him by now? If it's the latter reason, (or something similar to it) you seriously need to reconsider. First, you won't escape the problem by leaving him. Boredom, disappointments, frustration, times of feeling incompatible will happen in any and every relationship, so leaving him to escape those things and find solace in someone else is going to set you up for a huge let-down. You'll come around this mountain again no matter who you find yourself with, so you might as well learn to solve that problem now. Second, you'll only be exchanging one set of problems for another. (Again, this is talking about cases of boredom or seeming incompatibility - not abuse or adultery.) There will be property to divide, possibly children and or pets to have custody battles over, friends who will take sides and leave one spouse for the other, family who will disapprove, and some very longely days and nights where you'll agonize, wondering if you really did the right thing or not. If the man is truly mistreating you or being unfaithful to you - then leave the bastard. You don't need any advice there except to just do it. If it's only because the "spark" is gone, then go back to dating him again. Spend more time thinking about what you can do to please him - just like you did when you dated, and less time thinking about what he should be doing to please you. The paradox is, when you start treating him better, he'll treat you better, and things can heat up in a good way once again. My advice is this: Don't divorce him at all unless you have a really, REALLY good reason for doing so. If you only think you've fallen out of love, then you can change what you're giving your attention to and how you're thinking about things, and make the decision to love him once again. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

I've been in his shoes.
You said" I've been happy...extremely happy", and "This came as a huge shock". Could it be that you have not been concerned with his feelings? Maybe a little self absorbed? The argument was about something petty but this isn't about anything petty, it just came out then.

Many things can build up to this so it's hard to know without talking with you both. He may feel like he's nothing more to you than a bank account. What's your role in this? What do you do for him? Is there reciprocity in the relationship?
He's willing and desires counseling. GO!

Answer 9

People rarely break up over one argument. It's very possible that he said he didn't want to be married in the heat of the moment, and that he doesn't really mean it.

I think it's encouraging that your husband wants to go to counseling. You should go & talk this through. Take things slowly & see what happens. You both have 6 years invested and a child. Nothing will happen overnight. Make the appointment with the counselor and make another with the lawyer. It's doesn't hurt to be prepared.

Answer 10

Go to counseling and see if you can work through the problems. If he still doesn't want to stay married then you have no choice but to let go. It will be hard almost like a death but if that is how the cards are dealt to you then you really don't have a choice. Get yourself a good lawyer and make sure you and your daughter are taken care off and plan a new life for yourself.

Answer 11

He is willing to go to counseling. GO! He may not really be thinking about divorce, but may be the only way for you to see that he is not happy. Being a stay at home mom puts a lot of pressure on your husband that you might not be seeing. Take this as a time to get counseling, and work though this before it is too late.