My gf is 5 months pregnant and she broke up with me and I had no clue anything was wrong. I was happy with the pregnancy and wanted to get married and two days after she discussed marriage is when she told me she needed time to think and then broke up with me 2 days after that. Well we are talking now and I want to be a family together. I already had a ring and every thing and she knows it now. Well I met her to give her a gift I had bought her and we talked for a little while and it was good. Well I asked if we were ok and she said we had a lot to work on. But she also said she wanted to be married before the baby was born and asked when she would get the ring. I then asked if she would come over to spend some time with me the next week and she said it depends on how things go when we talk Friday. She said she is making a list of things to discuss and I made a list to. But her words confuse me is all. It sounds like she wants marriage but it sounds different to. Help me with this one!
2007-05-03 05:53:00 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am just really confused with how she says she wants to be married before the baby was born but she is not sure if she is coming over next week and it depends on our conversation Friday. It sounds like marriage is going to happen from what she said but I am just confused.
2007-05-03 05:54:14 · update #1
Also I am without a doubt the father of the baby.
2007-05-03 05:57:10 · update #2
be careful...she may want to get married for the sake of the child so he or she is not considered a bastard and will make u legally responsilbe for the child...(are u sure this child is yours?)
2007-05-03 05:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand the confusion (women are so irrational), anyway, I think you're right and she does want the marriage. I think she's just testing you for your commitment because you didn't tell her you wanted to marry her soon enough (totally logical considering your situation, but don't expect logic from pregnant women... lol). So basically, you just need to hang in there a bit longer and everything will be fine.
The things I can't judge from the stuff you've mentioned so far is how she normally (when not pregnant) is... is she normally a reasonable person? The answer to that is important if you're planning on spending a lifetime with her. Remember, you can have the baby puke on you etc whether you marry her or not. Sharing parenting responsibilities with an ex sucks, but can be more pleasant than sharing them with an irrational ***** wife. So, think hard and decide whether it's just the pregnancy hormones or whether she was this way all along. I agree with whomever else said that it seems like your baby's mommy needs to grow up and quickly.
I really really recommend some premarital counseling for the two of you. My husband and I didn't have any, but we did have couples counseling a few months after we got married and it was really very useful. So useful I'm going to repeat that: couples counseling is really very useful. I also think this website makes a lot of good points: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
Oh, and suggest the fun activity of thinking of baby names together to her (if you think you won't object too much to the names she comes up with... you don't want to fight about names right now), even if you don't know yet what you're expecting... just think of names for both genders. :)
Good luck. :)
2007-05-04 17:51:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sweety....
First of all, pregnancy can cause many mood swings because of the hormones. Her body is going thru alot of changes right now. But it's possible that isn't the only reason. It sounds like, in one way she wants to be your wife and have a family with you, but in other ways, she's scared that she may be making a mistake. She is probably trying to do what is best for the baby. There is no doubt that she is confused. But it's normal. It sounds like she loves you and wants to marry you, but at the same time, she wants to be sure that is definately what she wants. I mean, no young mother wants to end up in divorce. Just take things slow with her and let her be the one to tell you when she is ready. Don't badger her about it or you may make her more confused or even push her further away. Explain to her how you feel about her and that you want to have a family and spend the rest of your life with her. Let her know that whatever she decides, you will be there for her and the baby. You should let her know that you fully support her and that you won't bring the subject up again. You should let her know that you will be there when she has come to a decision and is ready to talk about it. After that, just support her. Pregnancy takes a toll on a woman. I know you are stressed about this situation, but I'm sure she is too. And right now, keeping her stress levels down is important to the health of your child. Love her and pray that God will give her the answers that she needs. Good luck...
2007-05-03 08:54:37 · answer #3 · answered by rebel_cowgirl78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe things do need to change...?
sometimes men dont see any problem at all and the littlest problem can be agitating a women! it is funny and i bet when you two talk the things she is going to say will be a shock cause you probly never seen it. women nag and being pregnant things really get on their nerves!
trust me i bet right now the littlest thing is irritating her.
dont worry her emotions and hormones are so crazy she probably is confused herself.
but then again i dont know... if she loved you and missed yu i do not see why she would say she isnt sure if she wants to spend time together or talk things out... she needs to grow up and quickly before the baby comes.
lastly, not to sound mean or anything and i know that you want marriage and love her dearly but i hneslty doubt you two should marry. if you are breaking up right now for dumb things and the way she is acting, i can imagine how she will be when she is your wife! she obviously doesnt know what a wife ans husband mean... its something serious.... dont do it just because she is pregnant.... that right there i can gaurentee means divorce... just use your brain because it doesnt seem like either of you are.... you are jumping into marriage too fast, especially with the way she is being and then to get married in 4months! good luck but dont be another statistic of divorce.
2007-05-03 06:10:06 · answer #4 · answered by Jdez 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not tryin to have you think bad thoughts but are you sure your the babys father. Has she done a total 360. She discussed marriage with you and then broke up 3 days later...Their sounds like theres alot of background between you both whether good or bad she feels that theres things that need working on.
Let her know that your feelings are becoming confused because their hasnt been alot of concrete concerns brought out.. If she were interested in marrying you why wait to discuss concerns until friday. It sounds like you want it more than she thats why i said are you sure your the biological father. good luck bro tough situation to be in.
2007-05-03 06:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by GA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being pregnant for the first time ( especially if it wasnt planned) is very stressful in some situations. She is probably just freaking out a little. I would just discuss the things you have made lists on, and be comforting and compassionate to her. And reassure her that you want a family and want to be married, and willing to work on things she wants to change.. visa versa for her too!
It is 2007, you don't have to get married just because you have a baby together.. If you don' t feel that you or she is ready, maybe suggest that you stay together but hold on on marrige until it feels right...not rushed.
2007-05-03 06:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you two have a lot going on. it sounds like this is the first baby-- for both of you-- which is scary. she sounds young-- which makes marriage scary. she sounds like she is looking for something that you may not be offering. do you have a stable job? can you provide housing, food, insurance for her and the baby? when you start feeling responsible for a human being you start to think about what types of people you have in your life and how they will affect your and your childs life.
you two need to sit down and put everything on the table and see if marriage is right or does it just sound right. you can run out and marry her tomorrow but if it is not right and you BOTH aren't happy you could end up divorced before that baby even starts kindergarten.,
2007-05-03 06:01:39 · answer #7 · answered by koolkeynan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is just trying to wrap around all the decisions and the new responsibility of being a mother. Remember, she will be a mother whether you are in the picture or not. Take the time to really talk to each other and make sure you both want the same things. If you love her do the right thing and be there to support any decision she might make. Good luck :)
2007-05-03 06:01:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you one thing everyone who has kid's should not get married and everyone who is married shouldn't have kid's, getting married because of a baby is bad it rarely turns out well , you should get married because you want to be together, i mean you might be glad you are a father one day and be horrified the next day, i am just saying you guys should think before you go get married can you see your self w/ this person 10 years from now i have 2 children and they are very stressful , so just think awhile and talk and figure out if it's the best thing for you maybe you guys should move in together for a while and see how things work out good luck to you
2007-05-03 06:03:37 · answer #9 · answered by rachel m 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like she just wants you to know that she is interested in marriage, but has a laundry list of things that she want's to improve in your relationship, or things she would not want to happen.
I don't think it's a bad idea.
If when you two discuss these things, you come to the conclusion that it won't work out.. then you have your answer as to whether or not she'll be coming back over or not.
2007-05-03 06:01:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may be experiencing fears and doubts as a result of her pregnancy. Things get really confusing during that time. Hopefully there has been loyalty to one another on both sides of your relationship. . . I think you can understand my meaning on that. When you meet, tell her you need clarification. This decision is not just going to affect the two of you, but your baby as well. Make sure you voice your concerns. She may be pregnant, but you're very much involved too. I wish you all the best.
2007-05-03 06:00:33 · answer #11 · answered by Raingirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋