Now our story is rather complicated. we been together 5 years & 4 kids. the oldest is not his but we had 3 together. anyway he has never worked any real jobs, but since we have been together and had the babies I have been the one working everyday, while he stays home with the kids wich was good for us up until we moved into a bigger house wich obviusly cost alot more ($1400) a month for rent. plus the van payment ($300) a month. car in surance is also $300 a month. now we also have to pay for heat,hot water,garbage removal,and every other expense you think of. my monthly in come does not cover this. he has a roomate living with us to help out on rent, wich in my opinion is a way out of him paying. It has come to the point were i can not do it alone anymore we are falling into debt bad
we absolutly love each other to death but our relationship is crumbling, fighting everyday because of bills, he knows that he has to work but getting him there is hard what do i do?
2007-05-03 04:58:30 · 35 answers · asked by A Proud Marine's Daughter 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
MOVE OUT THAT HOUSE!!!! that is way too expensive if one person can only afford it, and even if he had a job (which would have to be a high paying on in that case) what about food and clothes for the kids, can you afford? after the payments are lowers from lower costs, try and ask him to start paying some of the bills. but for goodness sake, you have a lot on your plate and the last thing you need is a break up over a few dollars.
its much easier to lower your payments than to break up withsome you love. make the easy choice!
2007-05-03 05:08:52 · answer #1 · answered by Jahpson 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband cares about you then he will show it with more than words. You have a tough choice. Either reduce expenses or increase income. I was in a similar situation a long time ago.
Day care is out out of the question...Your husband or you will need to stay home and watch the kids.
Here are some ideas....
1. As a temporary solution, your husband can get a job either on the twilight or graveyard shift. Then you don't have to pay day care, and you increase your income.
2. One of you work a second job on the weekends.
3. Reduce your living expenses to the bare minimum.
4. Explain to the room mate that you need to either have them help with day care, or you will need more rent money.
5. Talk to a counselor about the situation. You two are obviously not communicating very well. You have to be brutally honest with each other in order for things to change.
6. Call your mortgage company and explain the situation. Many mortgage companies will work with you to either forgive the mortgage for a couple months or rework the financing.
7. Cut up your credit cards and turn off the TV. Change your lifestyle.
8. Get your husband some education so he can get a decent job.
Marriages are hard work. Talk to your husband and get at it!!!
2007-05-03 05:11:37 · answer #2 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry 2 hear that the one u love some much isn't there FOR U as much as ur here for HIM!!! !st u cant stay with someone just because u have kids!!! If ur UNHAPPY then u need 2 separate!!! U have to think about urself (of course ur kids 1st) cuz if u don't who will??? Not him cuz he hasn't so far!!! That roomate crap bring problem neways!!!U & Him r a family he has to work at that b4 he loses everything he thought he had!!! Also try marriage counslen?!?! I know u guys r not married but soon will b and have kids!!! Credit is something u want to mess with cuz it ruin ppls lives and that the worst...
Make him go on websites like carree builder.com.... nething to get his butt out there and be the MAN and not let everything hit u hard cuz u can have a break down then WHAT??? u know what Im saying...u have 4KIDS u dont need ANOTHER!!!
Good luck Sweety!!!
2007-05-03 05:15:35 · answer #3 · answered by Ms A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, why in the world did you put yourself in that house?
Your lazy fiance' sounds like a real prize. What happened where he would emasculate himself to stay at home and be supported by a woman? That is NOT a real man even if he is taking good care of the kids.
Being a real man means supporting your family. Period. I would be so furious at him. I could not look at him as a full person.
Personally, I would leave him. Love is love and that alone can not hold a house together. Love is team work and working together to carry out your goals no matter what. (actions speak louder than words) He can tell you how much he loves you all day long but that means very little if he's not showing you and the kids and proving it. Talk IS cheap.
You stand a real chance of losing everything if he does not change his attitude. He is clearly not looking at your situation seriously nor does he care that he is not a real man.
I would also get out of that house as soon as you can.
Good luck
2007-05-03 05:10:21 · answer #4 · answered by karr1213 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to get a job that pays more money. You say he's taking care of the kids--including one that's not his. Women tell me that's a "full time job".
If the situation was reversed, him working, you home with the kids, you'd be asking advise about how to motivate him to go out and make more money because you work so hard all day with the kids and babysitters cost money and blah blah blah.
Maybe you need to move back into a smaller house you can afford and all be happy in. Sounds a little like the fancy house is what put the kink in your relationship.
2007-05-03 05:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by Nick V 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop paying for ANY of his expenses, pay only for you and the kids. Not the soda he likes, not beer, nothing. I am in a similar situation except I don't have kids and my husband still doesn't work.
Sometimes it is ok but if you are getting to a point where your life is just too much you either need to tell him to work or leave - just a part time job, something to help out.. otherwise you are going to have to give up your house and everything else.
It will never be an easy place to be because you do love him, but put yourself and the kids first. Take out all the extras, you obviously can make it without him .. don't marry until you know that he is willing to be a true part of the relationship. I married before I knew and i deal with it every day now, not easy and not fun.
My advice is, cut out everything you pay for "for him" - cable, internet, soda, junk food, whatever .. tell him if he wants to live like a king he has to work like one too.
2007-05-03 05:06:15 · answer #6 · answered by Interestedinknowing 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old are all of your children? If most are in school, then he definitely needs to get a job, but if most stay home with him during the day, then you have to think about how much daycare will cost you. I know here it cost anywhere from thirty to fifty dollars a day per child. One way to aleviate this is for him to find a job with different hours from you.
Now, don't get me wrong, I truly believe that he needs to step up and work. Sit down with him and show him the bills. Ask him to be the man that you love and respect and do his part to help the family. If he cannot do that, then you need to appreciate the fact that he is not your husband, and walk away. He will have to get a job to pay the child support. See how he likes that. Best of luck!
2007-05-03 05:12:50 · answer #7 · answered by flowerbug26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your head a shake to start with...
Are you seriously going to marry this lazy asshole?
He has children and refuses to work or help you with the finances?
Sorry but this man is very lazy and irresponsible, if he cared at all his butt would be out there working to help support his kids and take some of the burden off of you...
I'd give the whole marriage thing a little more thought, I'd be telling him, get a job now, or get out!
If he loved you so much he'd be trying to help you ease the financial burden..
Sounds to me like he loves not having to work..And why should he? You keep taking care of everything while he sits on his lazy ***, put your foot down Girl! You think if you marry him this will get better???
Wake up, make him get up off his lazy butt and get a job! Relationships are supposed to a be two people working equally at it...The fact he refuses to work and lets you work yourself into the ground shows alot of disrespect for you...
Time to grow a back bone...Lay down the law... Tell him this!!
"Get a job or head for the door and don't let it hit you in the *** on the way out!"
2007-05-03 05:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by Innisfil g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you have got to figure out if it worth paying for a babysitter. Or better yet find free head start or even a family member to watch the kids. Or he could work opposite your shift such as the graveyard shift. Tell him baby you got to do something if you can bring some kind of income in the this house, yo *** got to go. Because you can do bad by yourself. If you are paying all the bills what do you need him for. A man is supposed to take care of is family.
2007-05-03 05:14:01 · answer #9 · answered by K2daW 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit his butt down and calmly show him the total of all the bills. Grown-ups with 4 children to support don't have the luxury of not working. He either gets a job and keeps it or he gets out. We teach people how to treat us. Your bf doesn't work because he knows that you aren't going to do anything besides gripe at him. He has no reason to change what he's doing.
My question, though, is why did you move to a more expensive home knowing full well that he wasn't pulling his own weight? And why did you choose to have three kids with this guy?
2007-05-03 05:08:44 · answer #10 · answered by Lorie M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋