How do you handle a friend who's mad that you know her child is a brat?

Question

I have a friend and she and her spouse have a ten year old son who is a major brat. She defends the fact that he's a brat and gets mad if someone else thinks he is...kind of like "I'm the mother and I can tell you what to do but no one else can" kind of theory. Anyway, she'll jump down my throat if I have an opinion on his behavior, I've actually had to discipline him in front of his parents and there's been no reprocussion. My question is what right does she have to get mad if someone knows her son is a brat and says something nicely put "he may need to be careful" kind of thing?

I wanted to add this on also, I've never once told her I thought her son was a brat or mean etc...when we talk about him, she "thinks" she's heard me say something and gets mad, when i have to say that "I didn't say that" kind of thing. I would never tell a parent that their child is a brat etc.. =) Just to clarify =)

Answer 1

I have a friend whose son was also a terror. He's calmed down now, but he used to be horrible. I never said anything because I didn't want to hurt my friendship w/ his mother. However, she knew that if he did anything to my son, my stuff, or in my house, it was my rules. I was not afraid to reprimand him, even in front of his parents. I understand where you're coming from. Your friend probably got her feelings hurt that you think her child is a brat, whether he actually is or not. No parent wants to believe their child is a rotten apple. Besides, it's not your place to judge how she's raising her child. But if the child starts to act up in your house and could hurt someone, something, or themselves, I'd say you have every right to reprimand him. Concerning your property, you have a say in his behavior...anything else (like if you're in their house) you've got no place saying anything. It's their stuff, right? If you want to warn him by saying, loud enough for his mom to hear, "Should you really be touching that?" than that's fine. But anything more, and you're out of place. Good luck, and try to have patience if you value your friendship!

Answer 2

I understand that you want to give her good memories, but now she probably thinks that because she's a teenager now, she has the right to start talking to you like that. And I'm sorry to say, your daughter is spoiled and it's starting to show in her personality. You spent roughly $400 on this party correct? And she thinks $100 isn't a lot of money. You said they are small parties so that can explain why she thinks $100 isn't a lot, because they are small. DON'T give her the party, don't even get her any presents. Instead make her work for $100. Obviously at 13 she can't get a job, so make her do something that you can Pay her for. That'll teach her the value of money hopefully

Answer 3

OK, everyone knows that her son is a brat, that's already a fact. Your friend is really sensitive about this, so i think that the best thing to do is NOT discipline him, you are not his mother, and for awhile just not mention to much to your friend how much of a brat he is. After she cools down, give her some ideas for him to be more gentlemanly, like a reward system when he does something good, explaining to him why he's doing something wrong, what he should do and why, and etc. Your friend will thank you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Of course she has the right to get mad. It doesn't mean she is being rational or realistic. When a person says your child is a brat the parent is taking that as an attack or cut on their parenting (which probably does need some help). Her reaction is normal even if silly.
If I was you I wouldn't ever say anything. Why? It doesn't change the child right, it doesn't change the parents either. It only creates tension in a friendship.

Answer 5

My best friends child was such a brat that I would not allow her in my house (the child). When she would get out of control, I would make her sit on my porch until she calmed down. I told my friend and her child that I would not tolerate that behavior in my home and told the child (in front of her mother) that if she continued to choose to behave the way that she did that I would stop inviting her over. My friend was initially very upset with me ( I told her if she didn't like it she could always go home and we would remain friends) but she came to see that I have every right to expect a certain level of behavior in my home, even from her "precious" child. The kid knocked it off because she realized that I was serious and she liked visiting me. This was 25 years ago and we are still friends. The child comes to visit me often as an adult and actually thanked me for not letting her act up.

Answer 6

I can understand where you are coming from on this subject. There are alot of bratty kids out there. But since kids don't come with an instruction manual, your friend may not know how to disapline her child. I'm sure she realizes that the kid is a brat, but it is up to the parents to figure out how to disapline their own child. It is a major no-no to disapline another person's child, no matter how much you think they need it. Ditto on unasked for advice. Try to put yourself in her shoes. Would you really welcome someone pointing out the obvious to you? If you can't handle being around the child, ask your friend to go to an adults only outing.

Answer 7

unfortunately many times the parents are in denial of their childs behavior, or see it as a very personal reflection of themselves and their parenting skills, so therefore become extremely defensive. If she were truly your friend, she would understand that you are not being critical, but that you are entitled to respect from anyone that enters your sanctuary of home, and that misbehavior is not acceptable. Be honest with your friend and tell her so, if she blows up or get defensive, then consider that to be her issue, but you will know that you have stood your ground and they now know what is or is not acceptable behavior from their child--hope this helps

Answer 8

If your son, for example is a brat, don't worry EVERYBODY will know it sooner or later, if you still pretend your son is not a brat, then I have a question for you : are you a good parent ? -the answer is NO !
PS don't take this personnaly, I use the words "you" as for an example !!!

Answer 9

I would just let her know that you feel offended by the way you are treated by her son. You also feel offended that when you try to lovingly give her advice she freaks out at you. If friends can't give honest advice, than what is the point. I would tell her that you love spending time with HER and maybe you should start planning activities with just the two of you.

Answer 10

When you discipline her child you're insulting her motherhood. You don't mean to. It's not your intention. You have the best of intentions.That's what's happening though.

What right does she have to jump down your throat? You're not mom. She is. Discipline is the parents responsibility. Not yours, even though you may be right.