this guy that ive known for a while and dated before keeps telling me he loves me but wont give up drugs for me no matter how i treat him or how many times i ask him. i told him i dont love him cuz i cant trust him and he doesnt love me if he wont give them up for me. but he still insists that he does love me and tells me that im the most beautiful girl in the world and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me........ he even proposed on valentines day (i said no of course). he REFUSES to give up drugs for me and has lied to me about it before (his friends are better friends to me and let me know when he lies). does he really feel the way he says he does? does he love me? if so, then why wont he give up doing drugs for me, even if it is the only thing ive ever asked him to do for me?
2007-05-03 04:48:05 · 16 answers · asked by da bella italiana angela 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
well my dear, all i can say is... if there is a will, there's a way.. if he really wanna quit he can............. my bf quit smoking because of me....
2007-05-03 05:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by rssays 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will by no means excuse his behaviour or deny the fact that what he is doing is wrong, but you have to see one thing: life-controlling substances are a very difficult thing to deal with, and even though his heart (and possibly his mind) may be telling him he loves you, and thereby he expresses said feelings to you, his body is still under the control of an external force, i.e., drugs. This makes it very difficult for him to materialise his ideas/words, since many times the biological impulses of the body can be stronger than emotions and/or thoughts.
The best thing you can do right now is pray for him. If you are not a person of faith, then...well, I don't know what else you could do. Maybe this would be a good time to evaluate your own spiritual life? But I really don't want to intrude your personal beliefs, so I'll just leave it there. The only other thing I can think of is to seek professional help for him, despite the fact that he may put up resistance. If that takes you nowhere, then maybe you should consider breaking things off with him. If you really don't trust him or think you will be able to love him if he doesn't give up drugs, then you are under no moral obligation to keep him in your life.
I hope this helps you. If not, I hope someone out there has a better solution. Good luck.
2007-05-03 05:04:19 · answer #2 · answered by Luca Toni 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just my 2 cents....because the subject of drugs is sensitive...but it truly sounds as though this man CARES about you but I think he may be confused between caring and loving.
I agree with you that YES, if he did want to make a life with you by proposing, he would give the drugs up. This man is not serious about marriage and spending the rest of his life with you if he won't even ATTEMPT to give them up for you! When people get married, their significant other is supposed to be their #1...not the poison that they snort or smoke every night.
Think about it: do you really want to marry this guy and potentially have children with him when he's smoking or snorting what ever? Think about how that will affect his employment and your kids and most of all ...YOU!
I'd get out of this one. People who refuse to give up drugs for the person they are supposed to love the most in this world do not have very bright futures ahead of them...and if he's been with you this long and hasn't changed, a ring on your finger won't change it either.
Good luck!
2007-05-03 05:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by VivienLeigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to cut this person loose. If he's on drugs, he's not going anywhere and he's not going to improve his situation etc...you shouldn't keep banging your head against the wall because he won't give up drugs or other things. He loves you for what he thinks of you in his mind, not who you really are, I'm sorry to say. Get rid of him and hang out with your friends, keep your options open, meet someone who's nice, and that could take awhile, but it's better than what you're going through now =) Best Wishes!!
2007-05-03 04:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His refusal to give up drugs has nothing to do with his love for you. It has something to do with a little word called ADDICTION. No matter how much he loves you, he obviously has a bigger love affair with drugs. If you love him try to see it from his side of the street then try talking to him about why he feels the need for drugs. Behind every addiction is a problem that they are trying to escape. If you can get him to identify his problem then, and only then, will you be able to break his addiction to drugs.
2007-05-03 05:17:44 · answer #5 · answered by eryldaperl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea I had 1 of them. He may love you but drug are very controlling. They are hard to come off of. The 1 I was with that was on them loved me more than anything but couldn't give the drugs up so I had to walk away. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like doing to help the ones you love or yourself. He had a bad wreak and they pronounced him dead at the scene. Then they took him to the hospital he was not dead just in a coma. Then when he came out I was there everyday and I thought that he was off of them for so long being in the hospital and rehab for brain damage he wouldn't touch them again. But when I went to see him when he got out he was back on them so I left and haven t spoken to him since. You cant come off of drug easily. It is hard. But he may love you.
2007-05-03 04:58:21 · answer #6 · answered by gizmo0013 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He WILL NOT give up drugs for you. He will GIVE UP drugs for himself when he's ready. If he gave up drugs just for you, eventually, he'll be doing drugs again.
Get on with your life and let this man find his own way. He will tell you that he loves you because he needs someone in his corner because his family may have turned their backs on him. The best thing that you can do is go on with your life and not allow him to ruin it for you.
2007-05-03 05:00:47 · answer #7 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds really confused and doesn't know what he wants. My advice, stay away from him, and see if he is 'chasing you' guys loves to chase girls around if they're interested. Don't think too much into it girl. I've been there. He might be a player, so keep your guard up.
2016-05-19 21:11:47 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are worth so much more than he can offer you. If you stay because it feels so good to have someone love you and say those wonderful things, it won't be enough later (soon/later). I know how it is when you love someone, but they disappoint you somehow. If you think you are going to be ok with him using drugs then stay - if you aren't then leave.
2007-05-03 04:59:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is serious, you are settling for less, you deserve more, giving up drugs dont happen over night, but if he is not even willing to make some change, then you are going to have to let him go, and maybe that will be a wake up call for him. good luck
2007-05-03 05:01:31 · answer #10 · answered by TE TE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, asking him to give up drugs is like asking him give up his blood. He can't do it for you, his Mom, his Dad, brothers, sisters, his God. Anyone. It has nothing to do with you. The only person he can give up drugs for is himself. And if he isn't ready yet, it will never work. You need to go to Nar-Anon to understand this.
2007-05-03 04:56:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋