...ex calls to talk about getting the kids this weekend, when all the sudden he gets quiet and says, "I love you..." then silence. I thought he was talking to someone else (maybe the new girl?) he was still quiet and I said "who, me?" "yes...I mean cause your the mother of my children, and ya know just in a Christian way...I mean I care about you, ya know." OK, so is this weird or what??? HE left me, said he never really loved me...so is he just saying he cares because we'll always have to deal with each other (bc of kids) or what? We've gotten along rather well since the seperation, bc of the children, but to just come out and say this now...it's throwing me for a loop! what do you think?
2007-05-03 04:21:52 · 17 answers · asked by Lisa Bee 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw to answer your question bobby ji...I begged him to go to counseling...of any kind, his choice and he laughed at me. I was devestated when he left, I never wanted this to happen. I thought we would always be together...I prayed for him to come home. But he had made the decision to leave. At this point I know I hold some of the blame for the marriage ending (not enough time focused on us, etc...) But I did not give up without a fight, yes, I still love him and I can't change my "definition" of love this quickly. I know it won't ever be a relationship like I want and I feel like I need to find someone better matched for me anyway. I was upset at what I percieved as a condeseding tone from your answer. But I understand the frustration over people who just throw their marriages away without trying...but know that I did not give up with out trying for the last year. Thank you!
2007-05-03 05:01:44 · update #1
I would move on with your life right now, and ignore him as much as possible.
Right now emotions are strong, lives are in a mess, and the dust from the divorce has not even settled.
Except for parenting your children, I would not have any unnecessary contact with your ex. E-Mail is a great way to limit your exposure to him. Hand the phone right to the kids when he calls.
I probably would not be dating much except for fun right now.
You need time to heal and think. He is feeling guilty now because of the mess he made of your life and your children's lives.... Nothing more.
IF after a couple of years, you both are not involved with someone else, and there is still a connection, you might think about maybe starting a NEW relationship with him......
Take care of YOU now.
2007-05-03 04:33:52 · answer #1 · answered by flyfish_777 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure but if I were you I would say to him the next time "you sure have a funny way of showing it". Perhaps he can handle friendship but I expect he doesn't understand the true meaning of love. Does he come from a home where there is a divorce? He obviously must have loved you once. But if he is moving in with another woman and SHE heard him say it to you then there might be some unintended consequences for him to deal with. On the other hand he may love you because his definition of love is different than yours. I suspect 90 per cent of the people who ask questions of this kind have partners who have different definitions of the word love to their own. For what it is worth here is mine which I freely credit to the author C S Lewis:
"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."
2007-05-03 04:35:29 · answer #2 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At age 21 you're a completely fledged person. you have all the rights and often happening jobs of an person; which ability the only reason she has any administration over you is considering you enable her to. She can not permit you be responsive to while to be in; who to work out; what to do. As an person you're, in a criminal experience, her equivalent. She's treating you like a 17 three hundred and sixty 5 days previous, and you're letting her do it. If shifting in along with your boyfriend isn't an selection, then locate an place of residing for your self. Then get an unlisted telephone variety. do not permit her make you sense accountable approximately intercourse (that's none of her business business enterprise - and that i will wager in case you're able to be able to desire to pass returned in time you will locate she isn't being extremely actuality finished approximately her youthful activities) or wanting your very own existence. arise for your self and if mandatory, flow out. it could desire to reason annoying thoughts in the commencing up, yet she's have been given to decrease the apron strings.
2016-10-14 10:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by eidemiller 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of divorced couples realize a new level of love and appreciation for their ex's. Keep it civil and caring for now.
And btw, it's obvious that you still love him.
How seriously did you two try to rescue your marriage from all the pitfalls these days ?
What "got in the way" of that undying passion you once shared?
Career? Personal goals? Kids/family?
When was the last time that your children's parents went out a a date alone?
Marriage perspective?
Spouse first. Kids second. Career third.
2007-05-03 04:46:37 · answer #4 · answered by Bobby Jim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he said it in a poor way. I do not love my ex like a wife or girlfriend, but I do love her for the mother she is to my children. I have never had any fault with her as a mother and for that she will always have a very special place in my heart. I do not tell her I love her and I do not do anything that she could take that way, because I do not love her and I am not in love with her and maybe that is all he was trying to say.
2007-05-03 04:27:27 · answer #5 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I love my ex because he is the father of my children Im not in love with him (whole other story). So its possible that he was just telling u that he loved u because hes grateful for having picked such a wonderful woman to be the mother of his children. Dont read too much into it atleast not til he comes right out and says he is still in love with u that makes it all diff.
2007-05-03 05:12:49 · answer #6 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously still have love for him, but because your not together any more that love has obviously changed a little. It was a bit random, but he has genuine love for the fact that you guys have kids, and he still cares.... love can't be turned off like that! Just move on and realize that its a good thing you guys can still talk in a sane way!
2007-05-03 04:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by Steph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe he regrets his decision that he left you and maybe things are not working out with his new girlfriend. Be careful...He may end up hurting you again and the kids if you get sucked in to getting back together. Take things slow if you are interested and if not and you are happy with your new man ignore his comments and get on with your life. It is good that you have a good relationship with him for the sake of the kids.
2007-05-03 04:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest not reading too much into it. Guys are usually pretty straight forward (there isn't much deeper). As women we analize things to death, we search for the deeper meaning but from experience there usually isn't. Just take it with a grain of salt and just be civil. If your asking if he wants you back maybe, I would say probably not...sorry.
2007-05-03 04:26:37 · answer #9 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you ever heard the saying you never know what you lost untill its gone maybe since the seperation he might be realizing that he did love you he just never saw it untill he didnt have you anymore for him to just come out and say he loves you like that I would definatly talk to him about it maybe he is having second thoughts
2007-05-03 06:29:37 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋