I caught my brother-in-law mocking me behind my back, and he pretended to grin innocently when I caught?

Question

I"ve been married almost a year, and I've known my in-laws for the same time. I've always sensed he didn't like me, but my husband always said I interprete too much.

But after I caught him mockimg me, do you think it is now SERIOUS?

My hubby cannot accept his brother is faulty, and he didn't react now that I've been warning him almost a year. I'm hurt, bcoz he is not concerned about my feelings. Now he is saying what I want to hear, bcoz I've been on his back with the subject and crying a lot....

I'm not asking him to take sides, but to be as concerned about the situation by talking to his brother and demanding respect for his wife (me).

The thing is he pretends to act nice to me infront of evrybody, and I'm tired. And my point is Í have to keep seeing him, that's why it bothers me. I hate hippocrisity, and I I don't want to hug and kiss when evrybody greets, bcoz he is fake.

Answer 1

I understand completely!! It's not YOU!! It is the PHONY, FAKE-AZZ LIARS who talk and whisper behind your back instead of saying the truth of how the feel about you to your face.

He is a coward -- he doesn't have a real reason not to like u but is rather immature and act like he likes u so his brother won't confront him and make u look like u r the bad one!!

I HAD (as in past tense) FAKE FRIENDS, SIS-N-LAW, MOTHER-N-LAW, FRIENDS, SISTER -- they said things I WANTED to hear and acted like we were friends -- but as soon as I left the room or wasn't around -- the bashing began. It took me a while to catch on -- they will want to know your business (without telling u theirs), they will gossip untruths about u (to destroy your reputation) and they will try and control your husband/boyfriend/marriage (and they most likely don't have a husband/boyfriend/relationship because they are such bitches!!)

Tell him straight to his face, "I have never done anything to hurt or offend you -- but you have chosen to do those things to me. Until you stop this behavior I have no respect for you and I will not have a friendship w/u until this changes".

Clear and simple -- Leave me the hell alone, grow up!

Answer 2

You can tune your brother-in-law out or you can help make him the source of your misery - which is never good. I used to think that it was hypocrisy to pretend I liked someone. I've come to think it is just good manners to act like is easy to get along. You don't have to really like the person. On the other hand, you don't have to spend much time with him either.
Your husband has been avoiding getting into this discussion until you really brought it to the surface by crying and complaining and trying to force his hand in this matter. I sense that you feel simply very hurt by this person's treatment of you. It doesn't even have to be a relative; it could be a coworker or friend who hurt your feelings and you would still want your husband to sympathize with you and act as if he cared to help you with your feelings. So tell him that! Address specifically his lack of support when you are hurting. That way, he won't have to feel that it is a you-against-his-brother situation.
I know how frustrating it is. In a situation like this, the husband is kind of telling the wife to be strong and stand alone. Well, that's fine most of the time but sometimes you feel like someone has hit a sensitive spot and you just want sympathy.
I wouldn't get so upset about someone mocking me the way you did. But some other stranger things might set me off and get me crying just as hard if I were particularly sensitive about something.
Try to deal with your husband's reaction separately from his relationship to his brother. And just don't spend much time with the brother unless you know you have friends around to distract you and keep your spirits up. Dont' - I repeat, DON"T - make it into a battle.

Answer 3

Why do you care so much about his brother liking you. The only thing that matters is that your husband does. Everyone in the world isn't gong to like you, just write him off as one of the few that doesn't and move on. I wouldn't be making such a big issue about it, or else the rest of his family may start to see the brothers point of view. Let it go and move on.
What is your husband supposed to do about it? He can't make his brother like you and it is his brother, is he supposed to start hating him because he doesn't like you?

For one thing, your husband can talk to his brother and tell him to cool it, but he can't demand that he respect you. The only thing he can do is ask him to be nice to you.
And if the family is the kissing hugging type whenever they greet, then that's what you have to do. But even if he starts being nicer to you, he would still be a hypocrite.
You can't control how other people act, you can only control how you react. Just be as nice as nice when you are around him, like it doesn't even bother you. Because eventually it won't. Right now your marriage is still new and you are trying to find where you fit into the family, once you find your fit, you won't care what his brother does around you.

Answer 4

Thank goodness you didn't marry the brother in-law. Jokes aside you married into the family. Unfortunately that means you also get the privilege of his company as well. I too have this same problem. Trust me ignorance is bliss. Be true to yourself and ignore this piece of ........ you don't need to put up with it. What i do at a family get together is always be polite and courteous to everyone. That may seem a little false but it helps in the preservation of your marriage. That doesn't mean you go out of your way to be nice to this man. It just means hold your head high and all comments he throws your way should roll like water off a ducks back. He is ultimately the one who is going to come off as second best. One day someone will take offence to his nature and take him down so quickly you will delight watching the pegs fly off. Stand strong. You can beat him at his own game. Have fun and good luck.

Answer 5

A brother in law isn't much different from a brother - sometimes a real pain but sometimes a real gift. You should talk to your brother in law and tell him how you feel. It might bring the two of you closer. At the very least, it will score points with your husband if you make a real effort to get closer to someone he loves. Just don't ask your husband to take sides, it is not fair to him.

Answer 6

Since your brother-in-law is a jerk, you don't have to play the loving sister-in-law. But for your husband's sake, and your marriage also, you do need to be civil and friendly to him.

And, since your husband thinks his brother is wonderful, don't undermine that either. Sooner of later, if your perceptions are correct, your b-i-l will say something critical of you in front of your husband.

Your husband's opinion of his brother should diminish, and his opinion of you should raise dramatically.
Stop warning your husband, and stop harping on it. The simple fact is that you married your husband, not his brother.
Keep the peace in the family. The truth will come out eventually, and your star will shine in the long run.

Answer 7

Just ignore him, it actually makes him look childish to mock you,im sure everyone else feels the same way even if they are laughing with him.You husband should be more sympathetic to you--its not taking sides and if your hurt by this he should care and say something to his brother.My sister was rude to my boyfriend one time and i really let her have it.Seems like men never think of their wives or girlfriends feelings. It is a major flaw most men have..Im so sorry this has upset you.I was married to a man for 9 years who didn't care about my feelings and i cried a lot. i left him ,now im happy. Good luck!!

Answer 8

Tell your brother in law that he is a jerk and that he really hurt your feelings. He is a child, ignore him.

Tell your inlaws that you married your husband in part to become part of his family. Tell them that you are disappointed in them all. Leave it at that. They are acting like children....

Tell your husband that you are sorry he is in such a difficult postion, and that when it happens again, you will be speaking your mind to your in laws and taking care of business.

If this behavior continues to happen, then tell your husband that you would rather not be the target of abuse from his family and as a couple, limit your exposure to them.

Your husband backs you on this one completely or you guys see an attorney and go your separate ways. There is no grey area here.

Answer 9

You do not need to "act" like you like the brother-in-law, nor hug and kiss him when meeting. If you feel he does not like you and disrepects you then you have no reason to pretend. No one, including your husband, can change the situation. Yes, you at least deserve the respect for being your husband's wife but if that can't happen then keep your dignity and behave like a lady but that does not mean pretending to like him.

Answer 10

Learn to deal with it like an adult. While usually the husband is to protect, this is something you can easily say something to his brother WHEN you catch say negative things behind your back. You are asking your husband to do a battle that is not easy for him while you hide and weep and complain he is not doing his job.

And what is the nature of the "mocking"? About your looks, your background, your body size that are very sensitive to you but perhaps not much to your husband?