Does anyone really still believe in "for better or worse"?

Question

My fiancees as of last night is a cancer survivor and I'm having second thoughts because of what his medical history could mean for our future.A lot of people seem to get extremely offended when they hear of someone leaving their spouse after the spouse has been diagnosed with cancer.The story is actually a lot more common than most people thinks.Who are you to judge these people?Can you say for certain you'd stick around during the bad times?

Answer 1

Would you want the person you loved to leave because you had cancer? Sometimes a broken heart hurts worse than dying.

Answer 2

In order to be considered a cancer survivor a person needs to be cancer free for 5 years.. According to your other post this is not the case...

Your fiance is in remission... Meaning he hasn't hit the 5 years cancer free mark yet..

If you are having second thoughts no you should not go thrpough with a marriage at this time...

Reword the question as many times as you want the answer is still.. NO!! DO NOT GET MARRIED IF YOU ARE NOT SURE... Neither of you deserves to START a marriage unsure.. You are proposing goinging into a marriage unsure rather than having a change in an existing marriage... two far different things..

Answer 3

Surely the question should be "Does anyone really still believe in "in sickness and in health"?
Do you mean you got engaged last night? Or he told you? Or what? The blunt truth is that if you love someone you love them to their death and if you don't then you have no business marrying them. Of course people believe in it and many nurse their beloved to the end. If you can't hack it don't get married for the sake of your fiancee. If you are having second thoughts the plain truth is you aren't in love. The word cautious comes to mind. You may be right as I fo one would not want to nurse my wife, she has bad enough trauma once a month let alone if she had a really serious illness. I think most people don't think about it as it is all so good on the day. But then some people marry terminally ill people and give theri entire married lives to nursing them. I recommend you read Surprised By Joy by
C S Lewis who watched his beautiful wife die of cancer. Once you read that you may change your mind.

Answer 4

If you are planning on marrying this person, your vows will state for better or worse. If you love them enough to marry them, you need to take that into consideration. If you honestly feel you can't, let them know now. But look at it this way, you are faced with the possibility of your spouse dying every day, in your case, you just know for sure that it is coming sooner than you would like. You can either make the best of it and enjoy every minute you have together or you can go on with your life on your own. No one has the right to judge anyone in this situation. I personally couldn't and wouldn't leave my spouse for this reason, but other people are different . it is a personal choice that YOU have to make. good luck

Answer 5

You need to think about why you said Yes or asked him to marry you in the first place. Unlike celbrities, we live in reality and don't have millions of $$$ to waste on divorce. You are taking an oath before GOD- it is your promise to GOD to love this man unconditional. If you can't, you should leave now. But you are a really selfish and pig headed person for leaving because he has cancer. You may never find a man who loves you as much as he does.

Secondly, if he is a cancer survivor- why would you want to leave. You are there to accept his ring but not there to accept something he had no choice in. Matter of fact, I am kind of upset, because it's sad to know there are actually people out there like you.

Since you are so vain, what if you silicone breast implant popped and you had one big boob and one small boob. Trust me no one will be there except for the people who you have been there for.

Answer 6

I would not get married and take the vows for better or worse in sickness and in health if I did not mean it. You are standing before God taking those vows. The person you say you love , when they are sick needs you then more than any other time in their lives. . What if you were the person that had cancer, do you want everyone to walk away. I sure would not want to be your friend. I lost my best friend to cancer. I spend many a night sleeping in a chair to be by her side. My dad died of cancer , I sat by his bedside for almost 1 year. My mother in law came to live with us for 10 months and was bedridden with cancer before she died. My mother had parkinson and I sat up many a night before she died. I am not a saint. I just love my friends and family and stick by them. I don't judge the people that don't stand by what is right. God will take care of that on judgement day. Thank goodness that is one thing I will not have to regret or be ashamed of when I met my maker.

Answer 7

I wouldn't judge anyone until I have walked a mile in their shoes. I'm sure some people divorce when their partner gets sick, others don't. We all mean well, but sometimes life has other plans. I think, you are right in thinking about it now (rather than after marriage), and deciding if you are willing to deal with the possibility of this illness returning.

Answer 8

Yes, I meant each one of my vows. Why else would I have said them? I try to be honest with myself first and everyone else, especially God. Yes, I would certainly stick around during the bad times. That choice has to do with ME and my integrity and word even more than the circumstances and person I'm with. I simply don't say or promise things that I don't mean. Life's much better that way. Its when you think you still have CHOICES that makes everything bad. I believe God's grace is sufficient even when life deals me suffering and bad times. Who am I to pick and choose when the very things that bless me become burdens? I want to sleep well and die well knowing I lived nobly. Not weakly. Be strong. Mean what you say.

Peace.

Answer 9

If I didn't believe in "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" then I never would have said the vows. I pledged my life to my husband and that stands true no matter what occurs. I think something that has been lost in the world is unconditional love. When you love someone, particularly when you marry someone, you promise to love them unconditionally. Your love does not come with small print that says "i will love you if..." ...if you are healthy, if it doesn't disrupt my life, if it doesn't get too hard, etc. I'm not judging you. If you cannot pledge your unconditional love to this man, then don't marry him. That shoud be the bottom line regardless of his health.

Answer 10

I would, I know I would. I have also heard that many divorce when one gets cancer. I think my husband would probably leave me if I got diagnosed, or have an affair. He had an affair while I was in the hospital having our baby. I just don't think he would be there for me. Do your fiancee a favor and don't marry them unless you are sure you are one who could honor your marriage vows, for better or worse.

Answer 11

My guy has rheumatiod arthritis and a herniated disk, so his back hurts alot, most days. I knew this shortly after we started dating....he has told me that it's quite possible he may wind up in a wheel chair with twisted fingers, toes etc.

I fell in love with the person he is...I know in my heart that I will never leave because of his condition. Our future is to be together, no matter what. He has his good and bad days and we work through them.

Everyone is different....if you feel you cannot handle a future with this guy, the best thing you could do for him, is to let him go. He needs someone he can rely on for the support he is going to need.

This doesn't make you a bad person....we're all on this Earth to handle different things.