this is my second marriage and i have 2 boys from my first. My boys are 5 & 9 and they both love my new husband. We have only been married and together for total one year. we married after 8 weeks.Sometimes I think if I didnt have the boys feelings to consider I would leave. I just hate to put the kids through another divorce even if it is not from their father. Need some advice please.
2007-05-03 03:24:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I will never marry again.
2007-05-03 03:33:07 · update #1
Try a little harder!
2007-05-03 03:29:54 · answer #1 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married this man after knownig him only 8 weeks. What you want to do is think back to what attracted you to him in the first place. Why did you marry him? Was it because you were lonely or was it because you wanted a Dad for your kids? Or was it something else? Why do you feel like your marriage is over after only a year? Are your expectations too high? Do you honestly feel like you made a mistake? Is he treating you badly? Do you communicate your needs to him? Your main concern seems to be how another divorce will affect your kids. How will it affect you? How will it affect your husband?
The biggest mistake people tend to make in relationships is setting their expectations but not communicating those expectations to their partner. Too often, women can't understand why their men don't send them flowers or do this or do that. But the poor guy doesn't know you want that because you never told him.
Whatever is going on that you feel your marriage is over, sit your husband down and talk to him. Tell him what you're feeling. Examine your own feelings. Ask yourself honestly if you have any culpability in the way things are now. Sometimes we get caught up in the daily routine and forget to take time out for each other. Try dating him again. Try getting back to the basics.
After talking to him you may find he's feeling the same way or he may be totally oblivious. If you feel the marriage is worth saving, get some counseling together. You may just be experiencing an adjustment period. Is this man worth the time and effort it would take to work through whatever is going on? Make that the basis for your decision. Absolutely how the kids are affected is important in the final decision. But if you stay with him only because you don't want them to have to deal with another divorce and you don't work on the issues, they will be affected more negatively because of the bad energy in the home. If Mom's happy, they'll be happy.
2007-05-03 10:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married twice also but both were longer than 10 years,
8 weeks is such a short time to know someone, I would suggest counceling for you because it sounds like your sons love their step father and he must be doing things with him, you sound depressed and maybe need to be on some medicine,
you have already answered your own question, you said because of the boys you dont want to put them through another divorce,
2007-05-03 10:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you think it's over? It's only been a year! Unless there's some real good reason like he's cheating on you or abusing you or your children then I don't understand why it would cross your mind that it's over? If you're just feeling there's not as much excitement or something along those lines, find a way to create some excitement. Be creative, spontaneous, have fun and reignite the flames. Don't be so quick to give up unless there really is a very good reason.
2007-05-03 10:34:08 · answer #4 · answered by AnonymousGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are an adult what gave you the right to marry again so irresponsibly. After you first marriage you had kids to consider and should have waited to really get to know the man before you married him. Now it's too late. I suggest going to counselling with your new husband and work on your problems if not your just going to teach your kids that there is no stability in life and that they probably shouldn't trust your judgement.
2007-05-03 10:39:53 · answer #5 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's complicated.
Honestly, I am wondering why you married again, since 8 weeks isn't very long to decide you want to divorce already.
Maybe you should see a councelor and figure out what's going on with your needs/wants before you jump out and into another sinking ship.
It definately isn't good for your boys. Good luck.
2007-05-03 10:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by bluvw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy your kids arent going to be happy. Kids sense these kinds of things. I think next time you should wait longer to get married.
2007-05-03 10:29:24 · answer #7 · answered by mable3691214 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be happy to keep your family happy. If you are not happy with your life that will rub off on your boys and in the end it would be worse for them.
2007-05-03 10:46:38 · answer #8 · answered by bluenaketat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do whatever it takes to find out what the problem is.
If you already know the problem, try to correct it. The marriage is over, only when you both decide that it's not worth the effort to fix it.
2007-05-03 10:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the way..... do as you feel.... but, if i were u.. i would leave the guy, if i found out that our situation is not doing any good.
It may not look good to others... but, its your life !! NOBODY could live it for u!
2007-05-03 10:33:44 · answer #10 · answered by true 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋