OK, now I want some opinions from men: How do I get my point across to ny husband?

Question

This is a little personal, so please don't take offense.My husband and I have been married for 7 years now.I can't reach orgasm through penetration, I seem to only reach it with oral stimulation.We are not a typically married couple in the fact that once we married, sex stopped.We usually interact at least 5 times a week if not more.My problem is I cant get mine the normal way,so I kind of expect my spouse to do what is nessissary to please me (oral).He is a slacker in this department he says because I don't perform oral on him, and I usually don't unless I know I am going to be pleased which is usually only once a week compared to his 5-7 orgasms a week. I feel like I give the other up, which lets him reach his orgasm (he can't reach orgasm through oral).Am I wrong?I'm not a big fan of giving oral, but probably could be more enthusiastic if my needs were being met more.What can I say to husband to get my point across?Are toys the answer to make it better for me or should he step up?

I love my husband and would - Never- let this break up the marriage or make me go elsewhere. I just don't know how to get him to understand how we can fix this problem.

I am not trying to ration out O's.
But I have been having this problem for about 6years now and discussed it many times with spouse. I actually have no problem giving oral, but I am to the point now that I feel like I am doing what gives him pleasure(his O through penetration) and just want the same in return no matter how he has to give it to me. But it seems like oral is what works for me.

Am I being selfish for not letting my inner freak out because I feel like my needs are not being met?

Answer 1

Lisa, it is possible that you are not able to achieve orgasm through penetration because your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle is a bit slack. This muscle contracts during the height of sexual stimulation to help produce orgasm.. and even enhance orgasm during sex. It also helps during childbirth and assists in urinary control.

Try strengthening this muscle by doing Kegel exercises (basically, squeezing and releasing this muscle). This is the same muscle that you would use if you wished to stop the flow of urine. So practice this, when you're in the bathroom, to familiarize yourself with this muscle.. then contract it regularly to strengthen it. This is one exercise that you can do in public without anybody ever knowing it.

I believe that you will notice a change over time, in your ability to orgasm during intercourse.

Another sexual suggestion I have for you, is that you learn how to "ride." When the woman is on top she can control the amount of penetration, positioning, angle, and speed to stimulate the right "spot" with the right frequency and pressure. If you're pretty good at it, you could possibly get both of you going at the same time.

Now, to address your relational issues. I would suggest that you be a little more giving in your approach to sex. It isn't really fair to ask him for oral when you choose not to give it yourself. Your rationale is that on average, he already achieves more orgasms than you per week.. so, by your judgement, he doesn't deserve any more. Are you rationing out orgasms?

I strongly suggest better communication of your feelings, and a more loving approach toward your husband. See how everything works then.

Answer 2

It is not uncommon for a woman to not reach orgasm through penetration. Many if not most women need some stimulation on the outside bits to reach the big O.

I think you two are too worried about who is doing what, and what is fair. He should be doing what it takes to please you, and if he wants oral in return, you should be willing to do it. I also think you two should consider other options such as toys, he can do his thing and get off, then help you out by using a toy on you until you orgasm.

Answer 3

I have been married 37 years and first I would tell you to enjoy that which you have as it is better than nothing at all; but you can get used to that, too. Have you visited with a Doctor about this and been checked out? You could have a medical problem which can be taken care of. Or, at least worked on.

Answer 4

You need a heart to heart talk with you hubby this is a big thing in your life and it need to be addressed. may be you need to sets some rules like he cant O until you do. my wife and i have this rule moment she has 3 O i can let go so that we both feel good after. and some time i have to pull out a toy so my wife can have a O. and about the oral my wife love it when i give it to her but hate doing it to me and i have learn to just deal with it . there are more ways to get a women of then that. and that what you hubby need to learn to find new ways to make you O . it took me 4 year out of 9 year of marriage to find go O for my wife and i still finding new one every time. Hope this helps

Answer 5

He should step up if i was him i would take care of your needs first after a woman has a orgasm it always seems hotter to me and she is more opened to some kinky stuff. A little sugestion next time you're are going to have sex you take control and say something like big boy you please me first and you won't regret it and then sit on his face or like if he trys to enter you move away and say before you shoot that big gun off in me (men like to be told how big they are even if they ain't) you got to spank the kitty or get a vibrator and use it on yourself during intercourse you know just spice things up. And if he still won't take care of your needs tell him he's a selfish basta*d and look else were.

Answer 6

Ya gotta give a little if you expect to get a little.

Answer 7

print this out, hand it to him say look what i found on the web, same problem we have, maybe he will take the hint

Answer 8

there's something called a cock ring--try it. it may help you. they're cheat and you shouldn't have anymore problems in that area.

Answer 9

sorry no comment