Does Marriage counsling REALLY help???

Question

My hubby and I are having issues and I told him we need counsling and he said he would go but he don't think it really does any good. He says everyone he knows that has went has divorced anyway.......

Answer 1

If your marriage is having problems, you shouldn't wait too long to seek professional help.

Here's help in finding a counselor and deciding if counseling will work for your marriage. Included is information on what type of couple gets the most from marriage counseling and what type of couple receives the least from marriage counseling.


Answer These Questions:
Did you marry at an early age?

Did you not graduate from high school?

Are you in a low-income bracket?

Are you in an inter-faith marriage?

Did your parents divorce?

Do you criticize one another?

Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?

Do you tend to withdraw from one another?

Do you feel contempt for one another?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions, then you are statistically a higher risk for divorce than couples who have realistic expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another.


The Effectiveness of Marriage Counseling
The science of marriage counseling is being studied in great detail these days.

How to Save Your Marriage
Even if you've lost all hope and you're the only one who will try.

Although some research studies have shown that marriage counseling is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple's marriage, we think that receiving professional help before problems reach critical stage is beneficial to a marriage.

In 1995, Consumer Reports did a study of the effectiveness of psychotherapy. It was a nonscientific reader survey that gave lower marks to marriage counselors than other types of therapists.

However, a study by AAMFT shows that families do want therapy and place a high value on the experience.


What Type of Couple Gets the Most From Marriage Counseling?
Answer:

Young couples.

Non-sexist couples.

Couples who are still in love.

Couples who are open to therapy and change.

What Type of Couple Receives the Least from Marriage Counseling?
Answer:

Couples who wait too long before seeking help.

Marriages with one or the other spouse set on getting a divorce.

Married individuals who are closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.

Solutions Learned From Happy Couples

John Gottman's research looks at happy couples for solutions. He has discovered that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship.
Unhappy couples do not have this skill.

Gottman suggests that the goal of couple therapy needs to change. Rather than trying to change marriages, he thinks counselors should teach communication skills to couples.


Don't Wait
If you think your marriage is in trouble, do not wait.
Seek professional counseling or attend a marriage course or weekend experience as soon as warning signs appear.

Answer 2

Successful counseling will depend on a few things happening.
First, a clear goal that everyone agrees on. In short, what do you want to get from the sessions?
Second, the partners (you & hubby) must both want to reach that goal AND be willing to work towards it.
Third, the counselor has to know what they are doing. I cannot stress that enough.

There was a time in my life when I went to such a place for a hurting marriage. The counselor after the first meeting decided to do this "seperately" a few times, then bring us back together at the same time to the office. My first time there alone he informed me that I should not be married to my wife and he recommended divorce.
How's THAT for a counselor? and it was supposed to be a Christian organization, too.

The SAME thing happened to my cousin also, at the same place.
We ended up divorced, my cousin went on to have many kids and has a beautiful family- with the same husband.
Use a minister you know is competant.

Answer 3

I'm not a religious person but I'm a believer in God's healing and the power of prayer. I think both of you need to find a church you have tried the counselling and well it appears your still dealing with the same crap. It is time to find a church and some people to pray for you and your husband it sounds to me that both of you are living in a relationship of resentment of each other medication only clouds the issues it does not help with them. Please pray for some healing and love from God. If you are not a believer you may be laughing at this but I will tell you some of the most trying times in my life single and married praying to God for help and guidance has opened doors of healing that would otherwise have been closed. God Bless and Good Luck it sounds like you to want to work stuff out this is just a answer and a solid choice for things to mend your marriage. One last thing remember your vows and your wedding day all of that was witnessed by God and his angels so if anyone can help mend your broken hearts it is him.

Answer 4

the only way it helps is if both parties are willing to work through the issues and be seriouse about doing it. What counselling does is it makes both of you take a very hard, deep honest look at yourselves and the areas you need to change in to make the marriage work. Some people really dont really want to do that...to prideful or it just hurts too much or whatever. Both of you have to be willing to go the mile and be willing to do the work. If you dont than...you will just have to learn the hard way (getting a divorce and feeling miserable about it later).

Answer 5

Both partners have to WANT it to work for it to work. I have been divorced once and my ex really wanted me to at least try it. So, I did...begrudgingly. Needless to say it didn't work at all. But I didn't WANT it to work. I had already made up my mind that I wanted out of the marriage. However, a good friend of mine and her husband went after a cheating experience in which he actually walked in on her and another guy half dressed. They both really wanted it to work (they loved each other and there was a baby involved), and after months of counciling, they are good. This was more than six years ago and they are extremely happy together.

But the bottom line is this: BOTH of you have to WANT it to work, otherwise I'm afraid it might be a waste of time and money. I do wish you the best though.

Answer 6

The lengthy answer a couple responses above this is PERFECT. I would only add this -- your husband needs to have an open mind about this. He needs to be open to personal growth. I tell myself and my wife that there is absolutely zero downside to trying counseling -- we either make it, and go on to have a mutually satisfying marriage for the rest of our lives, or we don't, but understand why we didn't, and maybe how to improve the odds for having a loving relationship if there's ever another opportunity.

The final outcome is still very much in doubt for us, but I have learned so much about myself, and my wife recognizes and appreciates (at least a little bit) my growth.

Answer 7

Thats what happened with my boyfriends aunt. I think both of you just need to sit down and talk. Figure out what both of you dislike about the relationship and go from there.

Answer 8

A lot of times your problems just need a fresh pair of eyes. You are too close to it, to see where you need to go, and this neutral party isn't.

Go into it with the attitude that you just need that, and watch it work!

Answer 9

It does but only if both parties involved commit to working on the issues at hand. Meaning, if you commit but he doesn't-the counseling won't work.

Answer 10

It may not save your marriage but it will help you understand yourself better and help you to end your marriage in a respectfull way. At least thats what happened in my experience.