Hi i have been with my partner for 8 happy years we have been engaged for 3. We have 2 beautiful children aged 2 and 1. However he says that he doesn't believe in marrige as it is only a piece of paper and he doesn't need it to prove how much he love's me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.I would never think of leaving him over something as silly as this, but it has been my dream since childhood to get married.
It's not that i want to be the centre of all the attention either because i don't like being made a fuss of.
I just want to be part of his family as he is now part of mine. i think i want to be known as his wife and not just his girlfriend and the mother of his two children.
it hurts as my younger sister is getting married in october and i feel that i am always going to be the bridesmade and never th bride.Should i keep onto him or just let time do its handy work and see if his attitude towards marrige changes?
Afterall isn't it just a peice of paper?
2007-05-03 00:41:10 · 19 answers · asked by emma13583 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"he doesn't believe in marrige "
Seems straightforward enough to me.
He could change; we all do.
2007-05-03 00:44:28 · answer #1 · answered by wizjp 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Some men find it hard or scary to commit to marriage. He probably feels less committed by keeping things the way they are now. If he goes through with marriage maybe he feels pressured into making the marriage work. There is a movie from the 80's called Best Friends starring Goldie Hawn and Burt Reynolds. It's about a couple who are living together for years and then decide to get married. You may get some insight about what he is feeling about getting married. It's a pretty good movie with some funny scenes so if you don't get anything from it you will at least be entertained for 1 1/2 hours. But I would definitely keep talking to him about marriage. Tell him that your children will grow up thinking this is a normal life style and that you don't want them growing up, living with people and having their children without a commitment. You want them to have the security of being married and doing things the traditional way. You are right, if it's only a piece of paper than why won't he commit. Good luck!
2007-05-03 08:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The reason why he is unwilling to tie the knot is that you have given him everything without insisting on marriage first. You have given him 8 years of free sex, made him a daddy, etc. etc. All the while, he has given you nothing in return except empty bullcrap about how he doesn't have to prove his love. Maybe he doesn't, but if he truly loved you, he would give you the one thing you dream of beyond all else. If marriage is nothing but a meaningless piece of paper, why did he put an engagement ring on your finger? An engagement is a promise to get married. Even that was a lie, knowing that he never meant to keep it. What you need to do, girl, is stop living by his rules and start living by your own. Tell him that enough is enough, and unless he sets a date (in the near future!), you will have to find someone who can be trusted to keep his promises. Then follow through.
2007-05-03 07:49:51 · answer #3 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have the right to be married after all these years. If he loves you, he should love you enough to care how you feel about being part of the family. I don't think it's got anything to do with being the centre of attention.
Marriage is a responsbility which a lot of men tries to avoid. But he needs to be a good role model for your children. It's a commitment to show to each other. It's NOT just a piece of paper.
You should be glad that you still have that 'dream' of being a bride.
2007-05-03 16:14:41 · answer #4 · answered by Ruth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk with him... and let him know that you understand his point of view... but at the same time, explain your way of thinking about marriage. He may say that the marriage contract is just a piece of paper... but then, it represents a bond between two people as witnessed by God and society. If you're living together... you can end your relationship whenever you feel dissatisfied with it. But if you're married... both of you will be encouraged to work hard at keeping the relationship despite the trials that come your way... and you and your husband will face these challenges together. Being married is being one... if you and your partner are one, then you are united in all things.
But then, don't push... give him time and let him think deeply about your situation.
Good luck!
2007-05-03 08:00:10 · answer #5 · answered by simpzilla 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need to discuss this further with him, without "keeping onto him" - he may not be willing to listen if he thinks that you are nagging him into marriage.
It is obviously something that means a lot to you, but not to him. He needs to be made aware of your feelings and how upsetting it is for you.
Perhaps your younger sister's fiance may be able to help explain to your partner why he is marrying your sister and not just living with her.
A little more time and careful, tactful discussions may help you.
Good luck - marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is worth a whole lot more.
2007-05-03 07:47:17 · answer #6 · answered by Beanbag 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
marriage certificates are not just a piece of paper, it is sacred you our doing something that will mean more to you both and family this is the ultimate promise to each other to say love each and want to be together as long as you live the is a solem vow that what that paper significy it is you life together and you childrens .
2007-05-03 07:54:10 · answer #7 · answered by aidanj 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why get married? He's been playing house and getting ALL the benefits of marriage without any of the commitment.
You should have thought about this BEFORE shacking up with him.
**Bear in mind that the divorce rate for people who shack up first is higher than it is for those who don't.
2007-05-03 07:44:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
The commitment is in the heart not the paper. Proclaiming you love for each other openly and forsaking all others is more of a marriage then most have with the piece of paper.
2007-05-03 07:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by DS143 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
tell him from now on there's no sex before marriage, do it and you'll be getting married before your sister.
I think you should point out how important being married is to you, and since thats not a big deal form him, why not to do it ? If he really loves you shouldn't be that hard for him. Good luck and be happy, thats the most important, married or not married
2007-05-03 07:46:32 · answer #10 · answered by Splishy 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It is a piece of paper...a legal and binding one that protects you and the children...let's say he passes away, where do you stand? How would you support yourself and the children? Legal is the issue here...not love...
2007-05-03 07:48:18 · answer #11 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋