I dont want friends ....?

Question

I have been constantly deceived over the years by girlfriends, either back stabbing or just plain old deception. I've realised that ever since Ive gotten married and had a kid I dont need friends.
I have a couple of friends that keep emailing me and wanting to see me but I just dont feel like it...
Alot of my friends were part of the life before I got married and I dont want any memories that relate to my past.. besides my family.. cause I dont have a choice.
I want to move out real far away with my hubby and daughter to another province and leave this place because I want to start a new life.

My husband told me that would be nice to make new friends at the new place and go out as couples. But I dont want that.. I just want to be with him and my daughter..

I dont need friends, friends deceived me in the past and I dont need that anymore..
I think more people you know in your life more problems you have...

Am I normal to want to be anti-social ?

Answer 1

You're perfectly normal. Friendships are something we have to steep ourselves in for the time when a family is to be built. It all serves a purpose. If you feel your family is all the company you want, let me congratulate you on having successfully developed into exactly who you should be once you have a family.
I've done exactly the same thing.
My wife and I live on the other side of the earth now, and guess what, we don't miss anyone.
OK, we do have new friends and acquaintances, but it isn't the same intense and intimate accountability type relationship you'd have had with childhood friends. These here are just... contact people.

Answer 2

So then don't have friends. It's going to get pretty lonely. Sometimes you need an outlet away from family. There's nothing wrong with spending time with yourself and family but isolating yourself will cause you problems down the road. Everyone has bad experiences it doesn't mean you give up altogether. Maybe what you need is counseling - seriously this might help.

Answer 3

if you have a loving family, then you definitely do not need to have anything to do with your old "friends". You should definitely consider yourself lucky if your husband and child(ren) are caring and supportive. Being someone who hasn't had the best of times with "friends" either, I definitely hope that some day I have a loving spouse and children to fill my time with.

"Friends" are fickle and many who act "friendly" do not really know you at all. Usually, they will either get behind you or "dump" you based on what suits their own goals. The same happened to me. Having just entered high school some years back, with a good academic record from middle school, I first ran into a bunch of teachers who, for reasons best known to themselves, made this guy their pet. This did not go down well with many in the class, who then started to back me and praise my every move (I never asked for it myself; I was just "promoted" to demean that guy). I felt so good and popular that I did not know how to repay the "kindness". I had heard of people having high-school "blues" and I thought "blues, what blues?" I soon figured out. I am not sure whether this was because of plain old fashioned jealousy or because I, always being of a detached nature, did not grant some friends "favours" they hoped for but did not deserve, but my period of bliss soon came to an end.

Returning to school after winter vacation, I found a number of people had turned hostile against me. At first, I dismissed it as a few people playing a prank, however, the teasing and name-calling was not pleasant at all. I thought if I left it alone, the problem would just go away. Instead, all of a sudden the vast majority of my classmates got in on the act and called me names without caring whether the names applied to me at all (the name-calling had nothing to do with my personality). Its not like I had not tried to be friendly with most of them; regardless of past friendship, I fell out with almost everyone. it was the most miserable few months of my life, however, the problem did go away to some extent after a year or so. The reasons I could not complain about the whole thing are complex and something best left to myself.

However, I still bear the mental scars of knowing that seemingly friendly people can turn against you overnight, not giving a care to how you feel. Once a few jealous people start a game of name-calling, everyone joins in. One person's misled opinion becomes everyone's opinion of you. Nobody cares to evaluate whether you deserve what they are doing to you.

Nowadays, I am even more detached from most people as I generally treat any new person suspiciously, in a "guilty until proven innocent" way, so that I don't have to go through such experiences anymore. And even though I tried to put this in my past, I believe I have never quite recovered my self-esteem from the battering my ego took in this whole episode.

So, I would say, now that you have a life and family of your own, forget any "friends" who have not passed the "guilty until proven innocent test" and you shall not have to suffer any more.

Answer 4

I agree. I don't make new friends and don't really keep up with the current ones. I've been burned too many times by too many people to try anymore. However, I do believe that does make me anti-social, but I don't care. I'm staying that way and I am quite happy about it. Hope this helps!!

Answer 5

Well the world is full of deception and some couldnt blame on the way you think. Sometimes all you need is a family, it's true that you would lose friends if you have a family. Your family would always be there when you need them, some friends wouldn't..

Answer 6

I think you have had a bad experience with 'friends'. I guess there are many types of friends, but the ones whom you treasure most do not have to be near your home. So it is tough, having friends nearby whom you don't necessarily want to be in contact with..hmmm.. I guess it is not normal to be anti-social, but if you can survive not having people over at your child's parties etc, then I guess you would be fine.

Answer 7

You're also falling into the "victim" mentality. This is incredibly dangerous and will be harmful to your daughter. If you walk around thinking that everybody is eventually going to stab you in the back, and that people owe you something, you're going to end up unable to function, to get things done, to understand humans, to interact in society. You're not a victim. People do stupid things and you need to learn to live with it, to keep on going anyway.

Answer 8

Well, you're characterizing your past friends in which your personality changed over the years, making them less relatable. Possibly new friends would be of interset. HOwever, family is a powerful institution that gets introduced to ones life. Its not surprisng one loses lots of friends after marriage.

Answer 9

i think you need to let the past go. not every person you meet will be just like your former friends. i've had the same thing happen to me, but i didn't let it hold me back from making new friends.
you have a daughter, sign up for some play dates for her. that way you and your daughter can meet new people with similar interests.

Answer 10

It sounds like a cry for help. Although I feel your insularity preference is actually building a brick wall around yourself and your immediate family.

However you have engaged in communication through Q&A to a degree, this initself is your way of extending yourself into the community.