Is it wrong choose my own way?

Question

am 32 yrs old and married for 3 and a half yrs. we do not have children yet. I am an employed woman. My husband earns a meagre salary but I earn better than him. My husband has some property. Often he asks me money as he does not have any sort of savings. Besides all these he used to take money from my A/c or my purse without my knowledge and his justifcation is he has got all the right to take the money even without my knowledge and it is not a mistake at all since I am his wife. Though he is affectionate towards me, I have dissatisfaction towards him due to two things , one his monetary dependance on me secondly his this kind of a behaviour. Inspite of he being affectionate I sometimes feel that he is hurting my feelings by doing all these things. I always used to tell him that I dont like his taking money without my knowledge. If he does certain things against my principles it definitely hurts me is it not? Is he really affectionate. If he is really affectionate will he dosuch

Will he do such things when I have told him that I dont like him doing all these things, if he is really affectionate. Earlier due to these problems, I even decided for a divorce only bcoz of my family members advice I went back on the decision. Again my family advises me not take a hasty decision since he is affectionate towards me immaterial of his activities. Since my family also says like this, for my happiness sake can I choose a person of my choice and just maintain a relationship with him secretly. I dont think it is wrong since I am not satisfied with my married life. My family some times says that past is past try to forgive and forget but I am not able to even when I have sex with him these thots enter my mind and l lose interest to indulge in sex with him. I am in a fix .Pls advise

1 second ago
I often for good reasons only God has not blessed us with a child. Am I right so that I need not suffer with the child

Answer 1

It seems you are at crossroads. You secretly despise his taking money from you. It is just that he earns less than you and sometimes it is OK. What is your gut feeling? Do you really love him? Do you have the chance of becoming mother with his semen? If so, then look for positive things and surge ahead in life rather than sulk. If by any chance you feel that he is a cheater and a hypocrite and you cannot live with him all your life then you have to select a different path, and be open with him and tell him your conscience rebels against you. I think you ought to be more open and forgiving.

Answer 2

Dear. In case this is true, then you have not or are losing only money , you will be losing the greatest pleasures of life. The essence of life is that sometimes at later life, things can be vice versa, how would you react to the situation. You will feel bad. Give him ample time to improve. There is no end to the improvements. It is a matter of time. One 'Ongle Mar' continue to kill people for money, but when he realised that there is more than money in the life, he turned a saint.
I do not advise you to turn saintly. You can change. Love him as much as you can. He will definitely reciprocate it. Give him more chances. Give him satisfaction while you enjoy sex.
Going apart is bad. Improve relation. Show to the world that you have a capacity to make a bad man into a "GOOD MAN"
My blessings are with you as well as with him.
Anita.

Answer 3

Anybody you have a relationship with, family, friends, or significant others, only do what you will let them get away with. You have already established that you will accept his behavior in the past, so it will take a consistent and conscious effort on your part to correct the situation. To leave because of his behavior that you have accepted in the past is unfair to both of you and is basically just giving up!
Lay down the law in black and white terms, even in writing if you think it is necessary and make sure that you specify some severe penalties for breaking those laws, but only if you are willing to enforce them 100% of the time.
Loving is always harder than leaving, but the benefits that a mutually rewarding relationship can provide are definitely worth the effort!

Answer 4

Whatever u choose in life it has consequences. Please take action keeping in mind that u r ready for the consequences. Do u have a true friend. I think depending on somebody for love will lead to frustration only. U should give positive auto-suggestions to urself e.g. I am in control of my life and my husband has stopped financial dependence on me. Visualise that ur husband has made enough money for u and for himself and he does not touch ur purse. Practice this creative visualization and things will streamline as u wish. However it is ur life and if u r ready to bear the consequences then go ahead as u r entitled to happiness. But this auto-suggestion before going tobed ( five times at a stretch) will help u in life and no other person also would cheat u.

Answer 5

You have three choices, put up with this disrespectful behaviour and establish a secret bank account that he knows nothing about, try marriage counselling or leave the marriage. But whatever you do, don't have children until this situation is resolved. This man is taking advantage of you and maybe, with therapy, he can be helped, but that may not be the case/

Answer 6

Dear lady, one thing is for sure understood from your letter. You do not like your husband and are aware of this for years and you invent silly reasons to substantiate this.

No problem. When you do not like him you cannot enjoy sex with him and slowly you will start hating him and finally bitter quarrels and court case will be the result. You are already having illicit relation with somebody else.

So please start a dialogue with your husband and tell him about your incapability to live with him and your relation with somebody else. Ask for separation and convince him for a divorce. Otherwise you will get into lot of trouble. Get divorce and marry your friend with whom you are having affair.

But careful the man will like only sex with you as long as you are sombody's wife and the instant you talk about marriage, he may vanish. Careful.

Don't you have any children and if you have think about their future also.

Answer 7

Well....is that the main issue that you are feeling that way Or is it because of other issue that led you to feel the way your are feeling now?..

You agree that taking money without your knowlege is fine... then why feel that it is against your principle. It basically means it is NOT FINE...

I am sure that if the LOVE is STRONG...then it is fine...
However the question here remains with the love you have for him that generally led you to think otherwise..

It is going to be hard for you... if you don't get this right.

One way is to accept the way he is... and then you do not feel the way you are feeling now.
Then what you are not satisfied perhaps is that he should be earning his own keep enough for him to spend. I think this is what troubling you...

take care..

Answer 8

I think you are right about not wanting him to be dependent on you... that is good. But don't be so quick to end the marriage because of that.
Easy ways to stop him from taking money from you:
1. Get separate accounts. (my husband and I, we have separate accounts. I make more than him).
2. Change your pin. It is quite easy.
3. Stop carrying cash. OR never leave cash in a place where he will find it.

Answer 9

being affectionate doesn't warrant a right to do things without your knowledge. there must be some consideration of your feelings on his part. him being nice just adds to your confusion.

Answer 10

It's time to talk about the problem to patch and figure things out.

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