Your opinion: Divorced couple spending time together with child, when there's a new person to consider?

Question

Ok, I'm not exactly speaking from experience (I'm single!) but I'm wondering how this situation usually works. Say a couple has divorced but they have an infant, so they need to keep communication and all. The ex husband is already with someone new, who the ex wife hates for some usual reasons. There's tension which can affect the overall communication and cooperation between the exes.

Now, where are certain lines drawn and what should be expected? For instance, should the exes have days spent together with the child, as a "family outing" let's say? Should the ex husband's girlfriend/partner/fiance feel strange about it or does she have a say in this? Should the ex husband tell his partner if he stops by his ex's home? What if the ex-wife is very degrading toward the girlfriend; should this affect the situation or cause her to feel uncomfortable about him being around his ex?

So tell me your thoughts & opinions! Thanks : )

Great, thoughtful answers so far!

Answer 1

If a couple is divorced they should not have days of 'family outings'. It is up to the divorced person to set the tone with the ex. That means if the ex badmouths the new boy/girlfriend, they need to make it clear it is not acceptable. If people show general respect for all involved there isn't a need for 'rules' or 'guidelines'.

Answer 2

The child is an infant so now, both the parents ONLY should be involved in raising the child---HOWEVER at about age 2, the child should be able to see BOTH parents and if this other woman is still in the ex husband's life, then she TOO should be included in the child's life because like it or not, this woman will be a part of that child's life until such time as she is no longer WITH the father of the child....if the father isn't married to the woman, the contact between the child and the GIRLFRIEND shouldn't be so much----I say this because children become very attached to adults... if the father goes from woman to woman to woman, then it is not a good idea to keep introducing the child to a new woman all the time because it will confuse the heck out of the child---with marriage, the woman becomes the child's STEPMOTHER and whether the mother likes it or not---will BECOME a big part of the child's life---SOOOOO my suggestion would be for the EX wife to grow up, stop causing problems, realize that if the other woman is a part of her EX-husband's life then the child will get to know her as the stepmother.....and just grin and bare it.... The main person in all this is the CHILD ---the less trauma and DRAMA the parents have with each other, the better emotionally the child will grow up...... I HAVE a stepmother and a mother and it's either the "war between the states" because of petty jealousy and fear and CHILDISH attitudes OR, it's acceptance and graciousness and an ADULT attitude for the good of the CHILD.

Answer 3

This is interesting because you are single...

When Divorce occur.... the practical part is that the parent have to think what is best for the child in his growing years. Yes they have to set up a schedule for visitation rights and so forth. The child will be close to who ever gets custody of the child provided he/she is doing a good job in providing for the child.
As for the gf or bf or even they get married, it is best to let the child be cared by the actual parent concern. This will bring security and confidence in the child's later life. Of course they may be some squabbles from time to time between the parents. However it is best kept to the minimum as the child does not like to see the parent eating each other up. Also NEVER put the child in a spot to choose either one of their parent. It is going to be very HARD on the child. If one parent does that, the OTHER should GIVE way NOT because of the EXs, but because for the benefits of the child.. The child will grow up and by the age of 7or 8 yrs old they will know what they want and who they tends to love more.
Infants and babies will not recall anything when they grow up. They can most probably recall up to 3yrs old of their life before that it remains and empty blank space. So who ever take care of it does not really matter, however it is imporatnt that the parent who takle care must provide love and warmth and care of the infant. It is not easy, it is hard work.. but seeing the baby grow each stage in their life is a bonus to the parent who take cares of the child..
This is something that you canot buyor acquire or repeat in a life time..

take care..

Answer 4

The usual negotiation is that the couple share custody. They might switch weeks, or the husband might get Wednesdays and every other weekend. There usually isn't "family outings." I would suggest that you take the high road and be noble and giving, not petty at all. Don't question the guy about spending time with his ex, don't say anything nasty about her. He's still trying to work out how this should work. If you feel jealous or threatened by the ex, you should not be dating this guy. Help him to be a good father, don't get caught in the drama.

Answer 5

when there's children involved theres always going to be involvement with ex and all party's involved need really need to make an effort to understand that as far family day goes no i don't think so and it sounds like the ex wife is jealous and for the child's sake needs to get over its hard enough on the kids sounds like she needs to grow up
but that's just my opinion

Answer 6

I think that once you're divorced the "family outings' basically end. People have to learn to be adults for the child's sake. You don't have to love each other, but there should be courteous communication between all involved.

Answer 7

the relation between exes after divorce is not good.cos it creates alot of ambiguities between all of them. However they want to carry it in good faith to look their child. So what they do it apropriatly without living together.Child must live with her mother and the father give her mony to spend on him.The wife give him the appatunity to meet his kid time to time.