How do I make the right move when living with inlaws who smoke and a baby on the way?

Question

My in laws are currently living with us and they are smokers. They smoke outside, but it still drifts into the house. I am expecting my first child in about a month and am freaking out about it. It's going to be hard for me to put my newborn into the hands of a smoker, How do I go about this situation?

Answer 1

well at least they are respecting your house and not smoking inside, how long are they going to be living withyou?
Politley say that you respect that they are smokers but can they smoke away from the house, just tell them that they smoke drifts in, they may not be aware of it.
if they refuse then tell them they need to leave as you dont want your child exposed it to

Answer 2

This is your baby first and foremost. You are responsible for it's health and safety. There is nothing you shouldn't be willing to do to protect it. So you need to sit down with your inlaws and simply state that you do not want smoking in or around your house when the baby arrives. Even if they go outside they bring it in on their clothes, hair, hands, etc. If they go for a smoke and then go to the baby it will breathe it in off of them and that is not ok. Tell them this and say that unless they are prepared to have a shower and change their clothes after every smoke, then they can not do it on your property any more. It may sound harsh or unreasonable to them, but it doesn't matter what they think because it's not their baby.
When I was pregnant I went to visit my mom and she smokes in her house. I asked her in advance if she would mind not smoking while I was there. I had been a smoker before but quit as soon as I found out I was expecting. I figured if I had worked so hard to quit, then why should I have to breathe in her second hand smoke? She said she would go outside and she ended up washing all her drapes, caprets, etc before I arrived. She totally understood where I was coming from. Maybe your inlaws will too. But you have to take control of the situation and don't take no for an answer. Good luck!

Answer 3

Parents, or other people around babies, can cause a SIDS danger if they smoke, even not around the baby. You may not be able to make them stop smoking, but what about having them go farther from the house? I would get a few air purifiers for the house too. Also I know someone who makes their mom put a jacket on when she smokes, so that when she comes back in, the baby doesnt smell all that smoke. Good luck, thats a delicate situation!

Answer 4

First, it is great that they don't smoke inside the house! That helps a lot. Second, I'm guessing that they are excited about being grandparents, so I would hope that they want the best for your little baby. I doubt they would smoke around him/her, but they may need some additional education about how they can help keep him/her safe and healthy. This article has some suggestions. And you might want to make sure they know they - just like everyone else - should wash their hands before touching the baby. (Should help with the smell or chemicals, too.)

You might also ask your OB or pediatrician for some information to bring home. Our OB and our pediatrician gave us permission to let them be the bad guys if we felt pressure from others re: the pregnancy, during/after delivery, and once we brought our baby home. It helped, at times, to be able to say, "Well, our doctor said this..."

I hope that you all can get some of this figured out before delivery so you can enjoy this last month. Best wishes!

Answer 5

Oh honey, I see absolutely no compromise here.

Your baby is the most important thing. Tell them that second hand smoke is harmful to your health and unborn baby. And that on top of it, the smell makes you nauseous and you are sensitive right now with baby almost here (this way they cannot give you the argument some people like to give that there is no proof about second hand smoke - you have a good explanation either way.) You love them, but they have to go down to the end of the driveway (not on the patio of front porch) if they smoke. Say you are sorry that if it hurts your feelings, but there is just no choice in the matter.

You have opened your home to them, so you call the shots.

Talk to your husband before you talk to them just to present a "united front" so they don't try to play the pity card to him or try to pit you against eachother.

Answer 6

They should be ashamed not you.
If you need to get a note from your doctor stating that the baby needs to be away from smoke.
Both you and the hubby need to set down the rules and boundries and not budge on them.
Tell them NO smoking inside. Change shirt or put on a gown before holding the baby. Also they breath needs to be fresh.

If they don't like the rules then they are very rude people.

Stand firm. Make sure your husband is 100% behind you on this.

Answer 7

You should just go about it as you should: straight out. Tell that even though they smoke outside it seems that the smell permeates into the house. Tell them that that makes you worried about what effects that may have on your newborn baby. I am sure that being future grandparents they will understand and take into consideration the possibility of changing their ways. Maybe you could even suggest to them other places to smoke that may be farther from your home. Good luck and congratulations of the baby.

Answer 8

Talk about a story that where the child had SIDS when sleeping or just death on children. Ask how much they care about their grandchild? Talk about it with your husband. My husband smokes and so does our roomates and he has to tell them to smoke outside of the house not even in the lanai. When he comes home he has to change clothes and wash face and hands or bathe. He still has this and my son still weezes sometimes. He is trying to quit but can't do it. Anyways if it's your house just tell it straight out that smoking has to be outside of house and before holding baby to wash hands. If they get offended than they should think twice that baby's lungs and body is not too well developed to breathe in those harmful chemicals. search online so they know for a fact that you are not just saying it to them to get rid of them. They will get offended but it's either them or your child. I told my husband if the smoking especially weed in the house I'm taking my son his son with me I didn't care where I ended up and he told them to stop and since then I have peace in my mind and heart and with my husband. Congratulations and don't worry so much that's your husbands job since it's your in law. When you worry baby worries to and not good for baby. Take care. Another thing is to change clothes before holding baby and rinse mouth and not breathe in baby's face and wash face as well. I know it sounds too much but it's too late for them to quit smoking. Talk to your husband sinse it's his parents.

Answer 9

Everyone close to us that smokes 5 out of the 8 grand parents were asked before our daughter was born to find an out fit for smoking in. They smoke outside in one outfit and have to come inside change clothes and wash their hands and then they are allowed to hold her. They all accepted this since this is their grandaughter. We posed it is an educational way explaining how the smoke lingers in clothes and how that can affect her lungs and development. It was amazing how well they all went along with it.
Be tactful but straight forward

Answer 10

If they really love their grandchild, they will be willing to make some changes. There is NO DOUBT that second-hand smoke is bad for babies! Get your obstetrician or pediatrician to be the "bad guy" if you have to. It's your house, you make the rules! The smoke will be on their clothes, on their breath... and your first responsibility is to protect your baby from harm. Be strong!