I have been married 11 years and together with the father of my children for 15 years. Due to constant financial strain, lack of communication,trust and support and a lot of emotional baggage that has not been resolved I asked my husband to leave the house which we are currently trying to sell. The boys love their father dearly. Sadly he has not called or told them why he is not home and they assume he is at work. I have asked my husband to sit down and explain our situation together but he will not. I don't want to lie to them, but I don't know how I should go about this. If anyone who has gone through separation or divorce and has had to deal with telling their child/children could shed some insight that would be really appreciated.
2007-05-02 15:33:03 · 6 answers · asked by Soccermom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I need to say that some of you have jumped to some harsh conclusions. Over the last 3 years I, not my husband but I, have insisted on counselling, arranged for us to go to marriage retreats, sought help from our church/friends and family. I have been put into the position of paying our bills because he often puts more energy into his hobbies than his business. For years I have paid out tens of thousands of dollars to cover his debts and even dipped into my RRSP only to have him create more debts after. He will not speak to me, he will not speak to a professional, and before I asked him to leave he stopped doing any work on the house or with the kids. I have lost sleep and now my work is being affected as well. I did not ask this question to be judged so please reserve your judgement as you do not know everything about me, him or this situation. Thank you.
2007-05-02 16:42:14 · update #1
Children are very smart. If your husband refuses to help you out explaining to your children why he isn't there, then sit them down and just explain you both love them and that it will always be that way, but for right now Mommy and Daddy decided it was best to live apart. You don't have to go into detail with them, just allow them to ask questions if they do and try to answer them honestly without making it sound like one or the other is at fault. When my ex and I separated, and these were my stepchildren, I told them I would always love them, but felt it was best for all involved I left. They had heard a lot of what had gone on for months, so they had some idea. But I never blamed anyone, just let them know it had nothing to do with them but me and their Father. Now, what he told them after I left I have no idea. I feel that you can only hid the truth about why Daddy isn't there. so it is best for them to hear it from you and not someone else that he isn't at work.
2007-05-02 16:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, what have happen to better or worst? It clearly that the two of you can't work out things when things are going bad. Do you blame him for the financial strain? Who is doing the most spending in the household? Have the two of you ever thought about starting a saving for hard times? For communication is talking and not yelling and name calling at each other. Trust and support issues its seem both of you're at fault there.
I really thing if the two of you just sit down and work out your financial situation, cut back unnecessary spend from both party. Rebuilt your trust and communication skills, if the both of you throw away 15 years over something that the two of you should be working on together as one. I really see the two of you problems dealing with something that can be work out, rather have a stupid fight and kick the other out of the house. Just think about it, these problems exist only because you two are not putting your heads together and come up with a plan to prevent this split up. There is enough blame to share evenly between the two of you, this mess is cause by the two of you fail to correct this problem early on in your marriage.
2007-05-02 16:12:19 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a child of a person who has been divorced twice. It really messes up the kid and makes them think that no relationship they ever have will last. It totally sucks. I've seen my mom go through her second divorce and it was the sadest thing I ever saw. I can't get the way she looked out of my mind. It's a good thing that you don't want to lie to them, but since there dad is away they are going to start thinking something, or talking to somebody at school who will hint at something. All I can really say about that is it's easier to tell them when they are younger like your children are 6 and 8. Sure, they'll be sad, but there not going to blame themselves like anyone older would do.
Sit them down by yourself if you husband won't do it with you and just tell them the truth. If you stall any longer it will just make it worse.
2007-05-02 15:40:32 · answer #3 · answered by Heather B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had no legal right to tell him to leave his home (that was a kick in the balls, no wonder he has not contacted his own children)
Financial problems (which you listed first as the reason for the split) in NEVER a reason to end a marriage.
Contact him and tell him that you will give him 50% custody of the children and YOU are the one divorcing him NOT the children.
Then start treating him as a human being. He deserves it.
2007-05-02 15:38:51 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-24 22:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by stabile 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If theyve seen you fighting tell them - daddy is going to be living somewhere else so the fighting stops, but reassure them that dad will still love them and see them
2007-05-02 15:38:54 · answer #6 · answered by Jamin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋