Hubby discovered e-mails, printed them & gave them to my parents. I don't think I did anything wrong. I'm not happy in my marriage & haven't been happy for a couple of years. Two children are the reason I have stayed. I'm not upset about him finding the e-mails - I've become emotionally detached in the marriage. I view this as my chance to leave the marriage - but I'm conflicted because of the children & financial obligations. I know Hubby will never trust me again & I travel a lot so I don't look forward to being constantly watched & questioned for the rest of my life. I've never cheated on Hubby after dating & being married for 10 years. I feel that if I want to leave the marriage, now is the time. If I don't, I'll never leave & be stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life - which will probably affect my children. I'd appreciate comments/insights on what to do to make the best/right decision.
2007-05-02 15:11:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YOU WERE CHEATING!
those emails and things ARE cheating!
yes, DO leave
you need to
2007-05-02 15:15:24 · answer #1 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say you haven't cheated in 10 years, but technically you have, Dear. You've had an emotional affair. It doesn't matter that you didn't physically touch the person. Feelings were exposed. And yes you did do something wrong. Would you have been upset if you found your husband had done this and you actually cared about the marriage. I say, if you're already emotionally checked out of your marriage, get out of it BEFORE you go doing someone else. This kind of activity is not going to help your mixed up mind right now either...and I hope the guy you're talkin' to isn't a psycho that's gonna rape you and chop you into tiny pieces when you meet up with him.
People can claim to be anything they want to on the internet!
2007-05-02 15:20:33 · answer #2 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You definately did something wrong. It doesn't matter how miserable you are, that's not an excuse for a mother to act so low. Quit being a coward and live up to your obligations. I would never do this knowing I have children in the world that could ever find out. You should be concerned because if he gets the right divorce attorney you won't see your children again. Get real, and quit making everything about you, you have children that you brought into this world that need you to be a mother, not some cyber-hoe. You don't deserve another chance, get out and try to clean it up missie!!
2007-05-02 15:23:18 · answer #3 · answered by Sweetness 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The right thing to do would have been to leave before you started the e-mails and sex talk and promises. Even if the marriage has been over in your heart you should leave first before starting something new. You should not stay with your husband just so he can support you. Also only you can make yourself be stuck in a marriage you don't want. He can't make you stay. Also there is no need to make your husband miserable by doing things to hurt him before you leave him. This is also your children's father and things will come back to haunt you. Your children will know and remember if you treated their father badly. You did do something wrong by doing the e-mail and sex promises BEFORE your divorced even if you don't think so. You are still married. Leave now before you do anything else you might regret later. Good Luck
2007-05-02 16:29:21 · answer #4 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You first cheated by not taking care of your marriage. It is both parties responsibility to renew the love and feelings that were present at the beginning of the marriage.
Second, you cheated your children by no caring for their most basic need -both of their parents. You can make the marriage work 100% like new. Saying he won't trust you is only an excuse for you not to try. Grow up and do something that isn't selfish.
Get the me me me attitude out of your system and start thinking about your family.
2007-05-02 15:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by HonestGuy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You were in the wrong, you were planning on sex with another man. The fact you're in denial about it speaks loads.
You ever heard of marriage counselling? Therapy? Keeping your commitments? Maybe knock off all the travelling for a while and work on your family?
Divorce will also affect your children.
You could work on your marriage, improve it, and your children could learn what it's like to see a marriage succeed.
2007-05-02 16:38:12 · answer #6 · answered by joe b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes I hate to tell you but what you done is called emotional cheating. As far as children they are not happy living in a home were parents have no love for one another nor are they going to be happy watching mom and dad no longer living together. You should get out of the marriage now he will probably be as happy as you are knowing he doesn't have to worry about his wife bringing him an STD home
2007-05-02 15:28:47 · answer #7 · answered by tinkerbell 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are wrong. If you weren't working on trying to save the marriage, work on the divorce. Cheating on your husband? Now YOU look the fool. (Yes, talking about sex with graphic intent is a form of cheating.) Your children will find out later what you did. Is that what you intend?
Be a role model, not a sex-crazed bint.
2007-05-02 15:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Marrige isnt always going to be happy. You didnt get married b/c you did not love each other. You both have to work to make each other happy. I know you have not tried every thing. You should both go see a counsiler or something like that. You both need to get that spark back in your life. You should try figuring out why you aint happy first and see it the both of you can fix it. If you can not do that and try it out then try a trial seperation and see what happens., but when you do that dont just go sleeping with other people. If you see being with out him is ok with you then fine go about your seprate ways. Just take care of the kids together.
2007-05-02 15:19:36 · answer #9 · answered by Chris F 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it will really hurt your children. it would be better if they were younger. but if you aren't happy in you r marriage then you should do something, maybe not divorce right off but marriage counseling. also give the kids a warning, it hurts more when they aren't expecting it. Talk together as a family and try to be confident and don't show any signs of worry or regret to the kids. i hope things work out for you.
2007-05-02 15:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have answered your own question. You're scared to make the change, but you know what your heart is telling you. Staying with him does not benefit the kids, because they can pick up that there is not love between you two. Get on with it. It'll be tough, but after time, you'll find yourself living the life you really SHOULD be living, with the right partner or by yourself, whatever you choose. I went through this, too, so I know by experience. Be strong!! You'll need it!!
2007-05-02 15:16:26 · answer #11 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋