How do I get my husband to understand.... from housewife?

Question

I understand that my husband goes to work everyday and busts his @$$ to put food on our table and take care of me and our son. I greet him at the door everyday with a big kiss and a " Hi, Honey! How was your day?" I give him his space and let him relax. I make him dinner and normally a friend or two of his will stop by. Then he puts our 1 year old son to sleep, and that's about it. Did I forget to mention that he is a complete slob? We're young (im 18 hes 21) I understand this is not what he expected so soon, but neither did I. We're both keeping up our end of the 'deal' but I feel unappreciated. It seems I do everything and get no help or appreciation. He thinks because I stay home all day Im not working as hard as he is and thats bull. I've tryed not doing anything and handing the baby off when he walks in the door, but I get more resistance, and we talked and came to an "agreement" but it feels like hes got the better deal. How do I get him to appreciate me and 'want' to help???

Answer 1

It's a division of labour. He needs to realise how valuaable you are. See if you can visit your folks for a few days or other friends, and let him look after himself in that time. See how well he does NOT cope, and how he appreciates you more when you get back.
He also needs to relaise you are NOT his mother and are not there to clean up all his messes, if he respects you he will clean up after himmself a bit more.

Answer 2

Well maybe you need to do a weekly or bi-weekly review with each other to share your feelings about how your agreement is going. The fact you came to an agreement shows you are both interested in finding a solution, and willing to compromise. Thats a great start... many relationships end before this is even attempted. Talking and sharing feelings like you have is the best thing in my book. Keep doing it... heres a suggestion. Put an "invitation" in his lunch box, when he goes to eat lunch he will be surprised, and think how sweet. It will also make him wonder what the "special Occasion". When the "date" day comes. If possible have the little one already in bed, maybe wear something a little.... sexy. Maybe light some candles, etc. Then invite him to sit, lay what ever and tell him that you wanted to let him know how much you really appreciate his being understanding and working with you in regards to your agreement. Then as the conversation develops begin to share some of the feelings you have. If he is real, he will see just how special you are, and want to try and see what modifications or additional things he can do that may help you feel better. After your discussion, enjoy the evening with each other as you know you both like to do. Good Luck!

Answer 3

The only way to get him to understand is to treat yourself the way you want to be treated. I'm a housewife, 4 kids. I do the same things you do. One of the most important things that I realized was to be thankful. Look around you. If your life isn't what you want it to be, make the changes to create it. Be thankful for the things you love about your life and oddly, the universe will give you more of the same. To help a husband learn to appreciate you, he needs to be in your shoes for a couple days. I've accomplished this in the past with a weekend trip away. Believe me, once they try to do all that you do, you'll be more appreciated. You need the break sometimes too. Another thing we did when we were in our late 20's was to sit down and really discuss household responsibilities. Make a list of everything that needs done and split up the work. Your list might be bigger but you are home all day. Make sure he has responsibilities of his own outside of work. You need to learn how to enjoy your day. Get out with the baby. Go to the park. Join a gym with a daycare. Make sure that you have some time during the day where you can get a break from the baby and cleaning. Does he take a break at work? Start a gratitude journal that you both write in. It might seem silly and he might resist but it's a good way to have a better attitude about life. Hopefully in time, he'll learn to appreciate you more and you'll be happier about your day.

Answer 4

Whoah!! You need to remember one thing honey, and that is that he is going to treat you the way you allow him to. Also, the longer you let this go on, the more miserable you will be. This is a major injustice to you. Being a stay home mother is one of the most unselfish things you can do, as well as one of the hardest jobs anyone can ever have. You deserve a break as much as if not more) than he does. Its time to put your foot down and tell him that as much as you love him, and know he loves your son that you are willing to walk away if this continues. He needs to realize that things need to change. There is no reason why he can't help out with dishes or laundry, or at the very least clean up after himself. I feel for you because you are so young and finding yourself in this position. Another conversation might be that you are going to get a job, and let him know the cost of childcare. Where I live its $5 and up per hour, do the math for him. You have to take some drastic measures or you risk settling into a very unfair marriage full of misery for you.

Answer 5

the problem is that your husband comes home and his work day is over. Yours doesn't end.

Tell him what you do during the day, make sure he understands how hard you do work. Explain to him that you need some down time during the day too. And you can't get that if he doesn't help a little bit at home. Even if he just looks after the baby for an hour or two so you can just relax without any active responsibility. If he completely dismisses your daily activities, then ask him to try it one saturday, just to experience it.

Also, it's probably a good idea to try to work in some couple time for you and your husband. Hire a sitter for a couple of hours here and there and go for a walk, or go for coffee or something. Anything to get both of you out of the house together to just hang out.

Answer 6

Well, you've got to realize that the bulk of the household chores are going to fall in your lap, since you're the stay at home mother.

Also realize the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. You think he's got the better deal, he thinks you do. Why don't you guys look at it as a team? You each have a different job to do to make the team successful. Just like you can't have a football team of all quarterbacks, marriage has different jobs and roles as well.

You also need to take care of yourself, I'd expect you wait for him all day to show you appreciation, you need to start showing it towards yourself. You have to look at yourself as a checking account. Your husband and son are writing checks out of the account, it's up to you to make the deposits. Look into a mother's day out program for your son, and find something you can do that will help you feel better about yourself, and make you feel like you are something other than "mom."

I'd also reccommend you guys get some kind of marriage counseling. You've got a tough road, you are young, and in many ways, you're still kids. Most people your ages are still in college, going to parties, etc., and you guys have been thrust into the real live adult world. It's a rough adjustment for ANYONE to make, but at your ages it's even tougher.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Miss, I married young too @ age 18(4yrs now). I stayed home the first two yrs w/ step kids and my hubbie who's 13yrs older worked. Your husband should appreciate u as long as u are doing ur duties of taking care of home. Women mature faster than Men, so it take much time for him to be grateful. My hubbie didn't mature til 30yrs old. Plus if it's just not his personality...You'll have to mold him through communication. I ended up getting a job eventually and found less appreciation while working outside the house. Oh, it's both of your jobs to raise a baby, not just yours.

Answer 8

He needs to grow up!!! Of course don't they all? Men are missing this thing in their brain that tells them that someone else is working as hard or harder than them. I am 29, and have 3 kids. We got married when I was 20. He was 27. You have to take care of you! If you don't you are not any good to him or your child. Being a mother is the hardest job there is. It is just hard to tell that to a man. If he thinks you do nothing then try doing just that. Go on strike as far as he is concerned. See how long he lasts!! Good Luck. It will get better.

Answer 9

Sounds like he's got some growing up to do.

I work my butt off also, but my wife works 4/10's. So I come home, deal with the mess from the dog, clean up, do dishes, laundry, whatever needs to be done that I can do.

My wife is my partner.

So ask your husband if he wants a partner, or a "mommy."

If he chooses mommy, then I'm sorry to say you chose unwisely at the beginning.

Answer 10

well im 42 and a houswife as well as a mother of three. my son is 25 and living in hawaii and my other 2 daughters are in high school. my husband goes to work everyday and pretty much does what your husband does. sometimes i get pissed but i've learned to live with it. i cook 3 times a day for him and my kids, i clean the house everyday(there is not one thing out of place or has dirt on it) so i get respect and his credit card=). i know that didnt really help much, but hey, im someone you can relate to.