my husband doesn't have a sex drive. he tells me that he loves me. i don't feel like he is cheating..?

Question

are there some guys that don't have a sex drive? we have intercourse like once a week. he tells me that it has nothing to do with me. he says that that there's something wrong with him, but he doesn't know what it is. what confuses me is that he had a "normal sex life" before me.

Answer 1

The strange thing is that you never mentioned your and your husband's age. How can anybody, even a "specialist" answer your question without knowing the age of your husband? There's no such thing as "normal" frequency of sex, but still, is once a week "normal" for a man? What man, a 25 year old or a 65 year old?
Also, if you want to get some answers, how about some more info - does he work two jobs 7 days a week? Is he taking care of kids when he finally gets home after work?
Cheating? I do not think so. Most of the time, when a person is cheating, he or she will have MORE sex with a spouse (to cover the tracks.)

Answer 2

When my husband did the same thing, I had a bad feeling about it. Also when I initiated it he couldn't get it up. One day I came home unexpectedly and found out he was a regular user of porn - that is why he lost interest in me. Needless to say this caused a lot of problems in our marriage, and I considered ending the marriage over it. He may have possibly cheated too but I could not find any hard evidence, so I guess I will never know. First up, I would find out about his porn usage, and then secondly see if he is cheating. There could be other reasons, but I'm sorry to say that other reasons are least often the case.

Answer 3

Dear Desperate,

Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You did't specify exactly how old your husband is but my guess is he is over 35. Well, you do know that men reach their sexual peak @ 18 right?

Actually, once a week is not too bad for a normal married couple. Your husband is probably telling you the truth. There could be any number of factors as to why he doesn't seem that interested. 1) his job (stresses related to an overbearing boss, not enough pay, too much workload just to name a few) 2) He is getting older (once a man gets to a certain age, his body will take a little longer to get the fires burning...If you take my meaning.) 3) maybe he's in a rut.(no offense-but he may feel like it's become more of a chore than an expression of your love. & 4) he in fact may be having an affair. (he may feel guilt or just may not have the energy to please two women at the same time.)

My advice to you is to be a little more understanding, try to open a dialog with him & find out what the problem is. As men, we like to feel like we're in control of all our situations & we can't ask for help because we're expected to solve all our families problems. Let him know that is allright to open up & depend on someone from time to time. You may want to go shopping @ Victorias Secret buy a little sexy number to surprise him when he comes home. Be spontanious, try doing something exciting that you & he would enjoy sexually.

I wish you luck in your endeavor.

Answer 4

It's very odd that a "man" doesn't have a sex drive. However, a friend of mine has the same situation and her man would never cheat. It is obviously normal for men to not have sex drives, but don't close the door on the cheating thing. Keep a close eye on him and watch for more odd behavior

Answer 5

I have the same problem, but don't get it at all. He's 45 and I made him go to the doc to get his hormones checked. They came back ok, so mainly it's his self esteem issues. Also some men start losing their sex drive as they get older and/or develop erectile dysfunction.
What men don't realize is that it's not fair to their wives to just ignore the problem. If the man was a jerk it would be much easier, but he's a super guy but no sex.....
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

Stay away from pills like Viagra they can be dangerous and, how long would you expect to take them without harm, for the rest of your life. so.

See your doctor first, you'll find out that once to twice a week for a middle aged person is average. He may have a real problem, anything from prostrate to bladder problems, back and nerve to blood. See your doctor if advisable a Urologist. Let him prescribe the drugs if he thinks they're necessary.

Answer 7

There are lots of unanswered questions in this one. The details need to come out in the open and there is usually more to these things than meets the eye.

I do know what you're going through and have wondered why people like us can't hook up, and the once a week people be paired up? What's up with that!

Answer 8

Sex drive is determined by a few things...How does he feel about himself? IF his self esteem is low, then he needs to get to the gym and put on some good looking muscle..does wonders for the sex drive.
He could well be low on testosterone..go to a doc and have a full blood work, including hormones checked. There is testosterone therapy availalbe
He could well be worn out by constant stress...only you can tell that.
He could be bored....if so, role playing, costumes, change of scenery...all blend to get that out of the way.
Good luck, but I bet you anything it is a self esteem issue if he has "gone to pot," has lost muscle tone, or has put on wieght....

Answer 9

unless your husband has a medical, psychological condition or takes any medications that can decrease his sexual drive or performance, most likely there is a problem with your relationship. For a couple who is in love and has a good relationship, once a week is not normal.

Answer 10

I would have given anything if my ex-wife would have sex with me once a week! Consider yourself more fortunate than most as I was lucky to enjoy sex once a month...and I was faithful for all 18 years of my marriage and virtually had to beg her for it. What a great feeling! Then she filed for divorce and is still with her divorce attorney-turned boyfriend three years later and I am stuck with $2500/month alimony. Think you got problems now?