Who's to blame?

Question

My girl friend and I have been dating for a year and living together for 7 months. I'm a busy person. A full time job,two kids and I play music twice a week. So I'm usually tired at the end of the day. She's been complaining that I don't spend enough "couple time" with her. She gets real upset on the nights I have band practice because she tells me it takes away from time we could have. I've beenplaying music for 30 years and I'm not going to stop now. So she says I'm chooseing music over her. How can I get her to stop complaining about the time we don't have together and start enjoying the time we DO have?

Answer 1

You are not solely to blame, but she would disagree. Look, she knew that you were involved with other activities when she became your girlfriend. Did she expect you to give up playing music?

A compromise still needs to be worked out. No one will ever get everything they want, hence the word "compromise". Set up specific times to spend with each other at minimum. If more time becomes available, then great. But set aside some time.

Answer 2

No one's to blame here. Your girl friend just see how passion your about your music and that's wonderful and continue this. In the same breathe show her how passion you are for her as well.

I suggest that you make a date with your girlfriend twice a month. What I mean by this is to make it special so that she feels and knows this time shared is going to have your undivided attention on the two of you only.

Planning a date doesn't have to be expensive but it's the creativity and personal touch just to say "I Love You". You are an musican and you breathe creativity running through your veins right. So write a song or a medly a play it for her while your having a picnic, walking along the beach, sitting on a bench in the park. There are some many ways to express how much and grateful you both are to have each other. Sharing one's emotions, mind, spirit and body is a gift not to be taken for granted.

The passion you have for your music should transcend when your sharing quality time together. The reason I said plan a date because this signifies the importance of bonding with one another. Tomorrow's not promise to anyone.

Answer 3

I used to be EXACTLY like that with my husband! It is difficult to share someones time when they don't have much time to give. It helps to make the time that you do have together more meaningful. Do things without the kids (and together with the kids too), maybe plan a date night every so often, plan it in advance so she has something to look forward to that she's sharing with you. I would also encourage her to do something by herself while you are doing band practice so she doesn't feel left out, but don't give up your music if it's important to you. My husband and I have been together for almost nine years, I now realize that it isn't actually the amount of time that we spend together, but the quality, that matters

Answer 4

She prob wants quality time not quantity. Invite her to the band practice. she prob feels excluded. Spending time w/the kids can sometimes turn your mind into mush and she's craving adult conversations. Maybe talk to her about having dates once a week or a month. Maybe even soemthing as simple as sitting on the couch for an hour to "catch up". Good luck!

Answer 5

Tell her, "I don't see it as choosing music over you, but rather you not accepting who I am. I've been playing music for 30 years. You knew that when we first got together and it hasn't changed. I love you for who you are and NOT for who I want you to be. Can you do the same?"

Answer 6

tell her she needs to understand that music is a part of you and it sounds like the time that you DO spend together, may not involve enough romance or communication. for your partner to feel like this, she obviously feels that something is lacking so if you can try and find the time where you both feel you are talking, having fun and making great memories together, then she will soon accept those nights apart.

women need to feel cherished, a relationship needs nuturing if it is to grow. if you love her, try and find a great compromise.

Answer 7

She knew all this when you first got together. If your together time is the same as before she has another problem. Maybe doing something special in the time you do have will help the situation. Showing she is your something special all the time is always a good thing.

Answer 8

You need to tell her flat out that she fell for you because of who you are and that includes music and kids. If she want's more time alone with you is there something she could do to help make it happen?
Many women fall in love with us then want to change who we are , only to grow bored and unhappy. You need to be you. She needs to decide if she want's to be in your picture.
I have a job and a business, kids, dogs, hobbies, ect. I spend most of my time with work because nothing happens without money. My kids and wife occupy most of my time otherwise, and hobbies happen when possible. I understand completely, but you have to have the stones to tell her how it is or you'll be miserable.

Answer 9

Stop throwing her crumbs, and expecting her to be happy with that. I agree that you are busy, and that you shouldn't have to give up something you've been doing so long and enjoy. Invite her to go with you! Surprise her sometimes with flowers JUST BECAUSE. Shock the heck out of her, and start setting aside at least ONE night a week for her and making it extra special. After all, if you HAVE to have your music, you should have the same kind of commitment to her! She's not going to change as long as she feels invisible to you. Sometimes "change" starts with US. :)

Answer 10

Make a little time for her without giving up who you are. My guy loves to hunt, fish and all that. It doesn't bother me at all because when we are home he pays attenton to me, holds my had sits next to me and kisses me. We have been together 3 years and it hasn't really changed. See if that works, but the your choosing the music over me thing is b.s. She needs to stop that.